Hello all

[S_H]

Hello everyone, I have no idea what to write here to be honest and I am nervous. Because of an internet post. Great. Anyway, I am not officially diagnosed as it is nearly impossible to get a diagnosis where I am from, however I was diagnosed with OCD, depression and anxiety when I was a kid.

I have read a lot of information about autism and it just clicks. I have felt very alone my whole life, I have trouble cultivating lasting relationships, I have no idea what people want from me and sometimes I say things that sound bad to others but I mean them in a good way. To cope I have masked my whole life, I became a people pleaser and with every person I know I have cultivated a persona specifically for them. I mask all the time and I do have problem with unmasking to the point where I am not sure who I really am.

I would really like to stop this masking and just be me. I like me. Sure, I am strange, I watch the same shows on repeat, I have no problem watching the same episode of my comfort show over and over and over again, I replay the bits I like the most I do love music, I can listen to the same song on repeat as well for days, just listening and walking in circles in my flat while trying to do chores. I have strange interests, I love London and I would like to move there (a dream I have since I can remember). I work full time, I hate lunches at work with passion that I should probably invest in something else. I read a work E-mails several times before sending to avoid sounding rude. And then I re-read them several times again and sometimes I rewrite the whole thing. I love driving, but only on roads which I have familiarized myself with. I hate hiking. I hate traveling (when it´s not London).

I live alone and I isolate myself pretty intensely. I just don´t know how to make socializing comfortable for me and for others however sometimes I long for a connection. A real one, not one where I have to pretend to be someone else in order to be liked a bit. I am not sure how that feels.

I am just looking to find a place where I can be myself and internet used to be very accommodating in the past So, thank you for reading and have a nice day

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome. Nice job posting even though you were nervous. We are a friendly bunch here. You are in good company. Let us know if you need any help figuring out the forum.

 

[Kisa the tea]

Hello and welcome to the forum! We can be very accommodating and we all all sorts of people here you can be more yourself around. I hope you enjoy your time on here!

 

[AdamG]

Welcome. Sounds like you will fit in here. Things are pretty open and relaxed. For me it helps me while trying to figure myself out, I just got here a little bit ago too.

 

[Xinyta]

Nice to meet you, @S_H

I know all too well about isolation. It sucks, it really does. But part of escaping that is looking at why you isolate yourself. Because it's all about your own well being, over anything else.

Sometimes it also requires confronting your own personal demons. I sure have been~

Anyway. There is plenty here that can help you down the right path, both in member posts and resources. Don't be afraid to ask questions about anything if you are unsure.

 

[Richelle-H]

I identify with your description of being someone different for each interaction with others. Masking is nothing to be worried about, but it is physically and emotionally draining (at least I found it so).

Liberating yourself from your pre-conceived notions of who you should be and then accepting yourself for who you are is not easy to do, but if you manage to achieve that state of mind it opens up a wealth of possibilities.

Welcome to a place where you can be yourself. You need not fear anyone's reactions here, so Welcome and may you find this place a haven from the pressures of life. You might even understand that you are not broken in any way. All comfort and joy to you!

 

[SusanLR]

 

[S_H]

Thank you millions for all of your kind words and for the warm welcome. It means a lot to me.

 

[WiffingWaffles]

Thank you millions for all of your kind words and for the warm welcome. It means a lot to me.

Hey, plenty of people will be more than happy to lend an ear.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! Unmasking can be a long journey, and as a compulsive people pleaser who is still struggling to better stand up for myself and my own interests, I hear you.

Have you read

https://www.autismforums.com/resour...covering-the-new-faces-of-neurodiversity.210/
by any chance? It's a great book on the topic.

 

[S_H]

Welcome! Unmasking can be a long journey, and as a compulsive people pleaser who is still struggling to better stand up for myself and my own interests, I hear you.

Have you read

https://www.autismforums.com/resour...covering-the-new-faces-of-neurodiversity.210/
by any chance? It's a great book on the topic.

Hello, thank you for the welcome. No, I did not read it, but thank you for the recommendation, I will buy it I really struggle with this so I will read and try anything.