Hi, I'm not a diagnosed autist nor a self-diagnosed one - I'm just having the exact same life story than other Aspies. Is it asperger in me also? Who knows.
For the most shared thing (amoung others), I learned about the eye-contact thing at 18, and spent several months practicing in different situations in order to understand how that thing was working (the timing, the places, the different people, sex, age, etc, in some instances eye-contact practicing put me in some odd situations lol).
As a kid, I wasn't playing with others because I couldn't understand the concept. At 2 years old I was accepting to eat only sausages and milk (strictly), this lasted for many months 'till my uncle got so angry that I remember fearing for my life (really tragic). And so on, for about everything in my life, I've got plenty of those stories. I read people having the syndrome talking about their way through life and I'm all the time... astonished. Even tiny odd behaviours I never connected... are present in others. The main thing, is that what seems to come naturally for other people is an enigma to me and I'm extremely bad at adapting and respond to something unexpected. The first time I heard about a woman talking about her life with asperger, I cried and laughed. I had no idea other people were struggling like me. I don't have a diagnosis, but I don't really care about. My struggles are the same than people with the syndrom, that's the only useful thing to me. Now am I one? It doesn't make any practical difference to my mind.
I'm 27 now and I can say that I somewhat successfully managed.
I have become good at reading other people, responding somewhat accordingly (if there's nothing out of the ordinary), good at spotting lies and manipulations (really useful skill), somewhat good at communicating, being aware and conscious of my own emotions, handling my sensitivity and tiredness about rapid movements and lights, etc. I seem quiet normal; still shy and somewhat avoidant in relationships through (but relationships and communicating are tiring for me, especially because people need to be read rather than just telling things straight). I became mostly aware that most "normal" people are doing huge mistakes all the time too, but one big difference is that they just look sure of themselves.
I realized some weeks ago that I actually grew up and have collected so much knowledge through the years that I'm not that deficient anymore if nothing out of the ordinary happens (that being said... out of the ordinary happens everyday). I'm overall okay and know how to deal even if I still fail here and there, think that I can (or could've) adjust(ed) this or that behaviour/answer/social code/etc; or have to learn/understand new details/patterns about other people's expressions. I just realized that at the moment, all those stuffs are just adjustements I need to make, that's not anymore so huge that I want to disappear. I feel more comfortable in life, but not that comfortable. Especially because of my copying mechanisms taking me a lot of energy, while I could actually just calm down compared to the huge work it's been as a kid and teenage and as a young adult.
So here's finally my question - sorry for the book I wrote.
Is there anyone with asperger who feels almost fully comfortable in (with) his/her life in the end? Is it possible or do you still feel all the time uncomfortable or scared/anxious as if it was a second skin, because there's always something not automatic/predictable that will arise?
I am so bored to feel uncomfortable all the time. I feel like my copying mechanisms were extremely useful as a child/teenagegirl/young adult; but now at 27 I actually objectively deal with most things quiet well... (That wasn't always the case, but I have a lot more understanding and knowledge now). Yet, those mechanisms and this feeling of being uncomfortable are staying...
Just an example : today I was on my bike and 2 people asked me out of the blue where to find supermarkets. I live out of the city, so I tell them where is the nearest city. Then I think that there's no real supermarket there. So I start a dissertation as to why they should actually go to the second city and how to go there. The guy told me "ok thanks" repeatedly and I didn't get that cue... but it actually didn't matter.
I spent some hours thinking about decoding their behaviour, and trying to adjust what I could've said or done differently to seem more normal and understand and act in a better way; etc. All of this has no point to be done anymore. As a small girl, yes, it was a question of survival. Now at 27, it doesn't matter - and nobody cares. But I'm still doing such stuffs and feeling weird and uncomfortable with all that, like a second skin.
Does that ever leave? Is there an asperger living and being comfortable with those stuff? Pleaaaaase?? Ahah.
For the most shared thing (amoung others), I learned about the eye-contact thing at 18, and spent several months practicing in different situations in order to understand how that thing was working (the timing, the places, the different people, sex, age, etc, in some instances eye-contact practicing put me in some odd situations lol).
As a kid, I wasn't playing with others because I couldn't understand the concept. At 2 years old I was accepting to eat only sausages and milk (strictly), this lasted for many months 'till my uncle got so angry that I remember fearing for my life (really tragic). And so on, for about everything in my life, I've got plenty of those stories. I read people having the syndrome talking about their way through life and I'm all the time... astonished. Even tiny odd behaviours I never connected... are present in others. The main thing, is that what seems to come naturally for other people is an enigma to me and I'm extremely bad at adapting and respond to something unexpected. The first time I heard about a woman talking about her life with asperger, I cried and laughed. I had no idea other people were struggling like me. I don't have a diagnosis, but I don't really care about. My struggles are the same than people with the syndrom, that's the only useful thing to me. Now am I one? It doesn't make any practical difference to my mind.
I'm 27 now and I can say that I somewhat successfully managed.
I have become good at reading other people, responding somewhat accordingly (if there's nothing out of the ordinary), good at spotting lies and manipulations (really useful skill), somewhat good at communicating, being aware and conscious of my own emotions, handling my sensitivity and tiredness about rapid movements and lights, etc. I seem quiet normal; still shy and somewhat avoidant in relationships through (but relationships and communicating are tiring for me, especially because people need to be read rather than just telling things straight). I became mostly aware that most "normal" people are doing huge mistakes all the time too, but one big difference is that they just look sure of themselves.
I realized some weeks ago that I actually grew up and have collected so much knowledge through the years that I'm not that deficient anymore if nothing out of the ordinary happens (that being said... out of the ordinary happens everyday). I'm overall okay and know how to deal even if I still fail here and there, think that I can (or could've) adjust(ed) this or that behaviour/answer/social code/etc; or have to learn/understand new details/patterns about other people's expressions. I just realized that at the moment, all those stuffs are just adjustements I need to make, that's not anymore so huge that I want to disappear. I feel more comfortable in life, but not that comfortable. Especially because of my copying mechanisms taking me a lot of energy, while I could actually just calm down compared to the huge work it's been as a kid and teenage and as a young adult.
So here's finally my question - sorry for the book I wrote.
Is there anyone with asperger who feels almost fully comfortable in (with) his/her life in the end? Is it possible or do you still feel all the time uncomfortable or scared/anxious as if it was a second skin, because there's always something not automatic/predictable that will arise?
I am so bored to feel uncomfortable all the time. I feel like my copying mechanisms were extremely useful as a child/teenagegirl/young adult; but now at 27 I actually objectively deal with most things quiet well... (That wasn't always the case, but I have a lot more understanding and knowledge now). Yet, those mechanisms and this feeling of being uncomfortable are staying...
Just an example : today I was on my bike and 2 people asked me out of the blue where to find supermarkets. I live out of the city, so I tell them where is the nearest city. Then I think that there's no real supermarket there. So I start a dissertation as to why they should actually go to the second city and how to go there. The guy told me "ok thanks" repeatedly and I didn't get that cue... but it actually didn't matter.
I spent some hours thinking about decoding their behaviour, and trying to adjust what I could've said or done differently to seem more normal and understand and act in a better way; etc. All of this has no point to be done anymore. As a small girl, yes, it was a question of survival. Now at 27, it doesn't matter - and nobody cares. But I'm still doing such stuffs and feeling weird and uncomfortable with all that, like a second skin.
Does that ever leave? Is there an asperger living and being comfortable with those stuff? Pleaaaaase?? Ahah.
), or to be distressed by the whole proceedure, or I don't know. It seems hard to get diagnosed (I live in France). I don't really know.
