_Josh_
Well-Known Member
Hello everybody!
My name's Josh, I'm 29 years old and I'm about 99.95% sure I have Aspergers Syndrome. I had never even heard of such a thing until I was 27 I think it was, maybe even early into my 28'th year. Let's back it up to my childhood. I seemed relatively normal all through elementary school it seems, although I had some (what my parents thought were) ticks and quirkinesses, but they have always been really laid back and accepting of such things. I had friends then, my neighbors and such, and I had fun. I always seemed much smarter than my fellow classmates which even led me to enter some advanced placement classes, and then I even jumped a grade. I actually completely skipped the fifth grade and went directly to the sixth grade. Someone who does such a thing would seem to be on a path for success wouldn't you think? Not so. As I progressed through middle school, I began to fall way behind. It's not that I had trouble with the school work, I found quite often that I knew more about a given subject than the teacher. I guess because of this, I found the lessons and schoolwork to be extremely boring and could not hold my interest. There was also the thought that since I already know the stuff, why should I have to placate the teacher and do silly worksheets that I could have written for the other kids. So I didn't do my work. I grew up in a low income neighborhood, my parents are uneducated and have always struggled paying the bills, much less had the time to worry too much about me other than making sure I had food and clothing, a house to live in and some toys to play with. I never have been to a therapist of any sort. Because I went to bad schools, the staff never thought much of me either. They obviously were more worried about dealing with the kids with behavior problems which I was not one of. They never even cared that I didn't do much school work apart from the few science experiments which I was always more than excited to take part in. Reading, Language Arts, Math, Social Studies/History, those were a joke. I could read and write at a level surpassing the teachers, I knew basic math, I knew more details of the history lessons than teachers. So I failed the seventh grade, repeated and passed, then failed the eighth. I then went to a special school which was mostly filled with those kids with the behavior issues, and the kids with legit learning disabilities. I stayed there for about half the year, then my parents took me out of public school and I pretty much homeschooled myself. I was 16 years old. About this time I guess is when I became self aware that my socializing skills were not up to par. I never really associated my other issues with anything serious. My social skills gradually progressed from not up to par to abysmal. I then sought out an explanation on my own. I could only come up with an extreme case of Social Anxiety Disorder. I also recognized some small bits of OCD but nothing too major, which led me to believe that I had no OCD or anything, those were just my "ticks" and I never really worried about that. I figured I'd grow out of it, and the anxiety as well. LOL! After reading some things that you guys have written, I take you'll understand my LOL there. I'm 29, and have not grown out of it. If anything they have gotten slightly worse at best, much worse in some regards. I had never imagined to associate my issues with anything Autistic. When I thought of Autistic, one thing popped in my head, Rain Man! I can talk regularly (Outside of social situations at least) and I cannot tell immediately how many toothpicks there are when someone drops a box of them. I can't count cards either unfortunately. I can take care of myself, better than most actually, I've always done my own laundry, and have mostly cooked my own food, cleaned my own room, done other everday things. I could live on my own and thrive if I could keep a job and make a living. So Autism never once entered my mind. I also have never actually met anyone Autistic that I know of, mildly or severe, and as mentioned, I had never even heard of Aspergers Syndrome. So fast forward to about 2 years ago or so. I had spent the night all to my self in my room doing whatever it was I was doing, and around 6 AM comes a morning news show that I like to watch. The anchor while discussing mental illness with a guest, happens to mention that his son has what I heard as Assburgers! LOL With my ever curious mind, I had to figure out what this affliction with a funny name is all about. So to Wikipedia I go, Assburgers I type, Aspergers Syndrome is what I am led to. A'reading I do. WOW! Oh my god! This is crazy! What the hell! This is me to a T! It explains everything. My intense social anxiety, even not liking to be touched or hugged. My intense strange interests, my seeing patterns in everything, my physical and vocal ticks that are really too much to be considered ticks, and which I've since learned are considered stims, my inability and aversion to maintaining eye contact, my studying of my own social interactions and replaying them over and over, my intense frustrations and even depression when things don't go perfectly or when I can't seem to do something perfectly, my one sided conversations with my parents, my frustration when I percieve that they are not getting what I'm trying to say. My constant urge to teach them things which I've learned. My urge to correct people when they make the smallest mistakes. My constant sleep problems. My urge to seclude myself and hole up in my room. My downtime needed after going out in public or family gatherings which are utterly exhausting mentally. Ect. Ect. Ect. It is actually a huge relief to know what the hell is wrong with me. There is a name for it and a legitimate reason. I'm not just a freak and overly high strung. There is a reason. It doesn't change anything and it is kind of depressing to learn that there is no cure and I'll be like this forever, but at least the hell I know. This forum which I've lurked on for a while has also been a great help in understanding and recognizing things. I thank the creators and maintainers of it for that. It's taught me more than anything. I've since looked into getting some kind of therepy and an official diagnosis, but it's seems it will be quite expensive, so who knows what I'll be able to manage since I have very limited income and my parents are going through some tough economic times. But just knowing is great. It still sucks though. Debilitating, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Like some of you though, I do recognize and like the good things about it. Ability to intensly focus on things, the abilty to actually enjoy seclusion and not go crazy and do whatever it is I'm up to at the time. I do have an overpowering urge to at least make a friend though. I had one for years, he was as neurotic as I am, actually was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and even mild Schizophrenia I think since he was prone to strange delusions and such. I've since lost touch with him though and he kind of freaked me out pretty bad with an episode, so I fear him somewhat. I also moved quite far from him too. I'd also Like to somehow manage to meet a girl I can identify with. That a toughie. Anyway, there's my story, a good portion of it anyway. I'm sure I left a few things out that will really bug me but oh well, hopefully I don't have too much of an urge to edit like crazy over and over. LOL
So there it is, I'm Josh, glad to be here, glad to have found this forum. I have read a good deal of it, and it's like I have found my species in you people. It's awesome.
My name's Josh, I'm 29 years old and I'm about 99.95% sure I have Aspergers Syndrome. I had never even heard of such a thing until I was 27 I think it was, maybe even early into my 28'th year. Let's back it up to my childhood. I seemed relatively normal all through elementary school it seems, although I had some (what my parents thought were) ticks and quirkinesses, but they have always been really laid back and accepting of such things. I had friends then, my neighbors and such, and I had fun. I always seemed much smarter than my fellow classmates which even led me to enter some advanced placement classes, and then I even jumped a grade. I actually completely skipped the fifth grade and went directly to the sixth grade. Someone who does such a thing would seem to be on a path for success wouldn't you think? Not so. As I progressed through middle school, I began to fall way behind. It's not that I had trouble with the school work, I found quite often that I knew more about a given subject than the teacher. I guess because of this, I found the lessons and schoolwork to be extremely boring and could not hold my interest. There was also the thought that since I already know the stuff, why should I have to placate the teacher and do silly worksheets that I could have written for the other kids. So I didn't do my work. I grew up in a low income neighborhood, my parents are uneducated and have always struggled paying the bills, much less had the time to worry too much about me other than making sure I had food and clothing, a house to live in and some toys to play with. I never have been to a therapist of any sort. Because I went to bad schools, the staff never thought much of me either. They obviously were more worried about dealing with the kids with behavior problems which I was not one of. They never even cared that I didn't do much school work apart from the few science experiments which I was always more than excited to take part in. Reading, Language Arts, Math, Social Studies/History, those were a joke. I could read and write at a level surpassing the teachers, I knew basic math, I knew more details of the history lessons than teachers. So I failed the seventh grade, repeated and passed, then failed the eighth. I then went to a special school which was mostly filled with those kids with the behavior issues, and the kids with legit learning disabilities. I stayed there for about half the year, then my parents took me out of public school and I pretty much homeschooled myself. I was 16 years old. About this time I guess is when I became self aware that my socializing skills were not up to par. I never really associated my other issues with anything serious. My social skills gradually progressed from not up to par to abysmal. I then sought out an explanation on my own. I could only come up with an extreme case of Social Anxiety Disorder. I also recognized some small bits of OCD but nothing too major, which led me to believe that I had no OCD or anything, those were just my "ticks" and I never really worried about that. I figured I'd grow out of it, and the anxiety as well. LOL! After reading some things that you guys have written, I take you'll understand my LOL there. I'm 29, and have not grown out of it. If anything they have gotten slightly worse at best, much worse in some regards. I had never imagined to associate my issues with anything Autistic. When I thought of Autistic, one thing popped in my head, Rain Man! I can talk regularly (Outside of social situations at least) and I cannot tell immediately how many toothpicks there are when someone drops a box of them. I can't count cards either unfortunately. I can take care of myself, better than most actually, I've always done my own laundry, and have mostly cooked my own food, cleaned my own room, done other everday things. I could live on my own and thrive if I could keep a job and make a living. So Autism never once entered my mind. I also have never actually met anyone Autistic that I know of, mildly or severe, and as mentioned, I had never even heard of Aspergers Syndrome. So fast forward to about 2 years ago or so. I had spent the night all to my self in my room doing whatever it was I was doing, and around 6 AM comes a morning news show that I like to watch. The anchor while discussing mental illness with a guest, happens to mention that his son has what I heard as Assburgers! LOL With my ever curious mind, I had to figure out what this affliction with a funny name is all about. So to Wikipedia I go, Assburgers I type, Aspergers Syndrome is what I am led to. A'reading I do. WOW! Oh my god! This is crazy! What the hell! This is me to a T! It explains everything. My intense social anxiety, even not liking to be touched or hugged. My intense strange interests, my seeing patterns in everything, my physical and vocal ticks that are really too much to be considered ticks, and which I've since learned are considered stims, my inability and aversion to maintaining eye contact, my studying of my own social interactions and replaying them over and over, my intense frustrations and even depression when things don't go perfectly or when I can't seem to do something perfectly, my one sided conversations with my parents, my frustration when I percieve that they are not getting what I'm trying to say. My constant urge to teach them things which I've learned. My urge to correct people when they make the smallest mistakes. My constant sleep problems. My urge to seclude myself and hole up in my room. My downtime needed after going out in public or family gatherings which are utterly exhausting mentally. Ect. Ect. Ect. It is actually a huge relief to know what the hell is wrong with me. There is a name for it and a legitimate reason. I'm not just a freak and overly high strung. There is a reason. It doesn't change anything and it is kind of depressing to learn that there is no cure and I'll be like this forever, but at least the hell I know. This forum which I've lurked on for a while has also been a great help in understanding and recognizing things. I thank the creators and maintainers of it for that. It's taught me more than anything. I've since looked into getting some kind of therepy and an official diagnosis, but it's seems it will be quite expensive, so who knows what I'll be able to manage since I have very limited income and my parents are going through some tough economic times. But just knowing is great. It still sucks though. Debilitating, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Like some of you though, I do recognize and like the good things about it. Ability to intensly focus on things, the abilty to actually enjoy seclusion and not go crazy and do whatever it is I'm up to at the time. I do have an overpowering urge to at least make a friend though. I had one for years, he was as neurotic as I am, actually was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and even mild Schizophrenia I think since he was prone to strange delusions and such. I've since lost touch with him though and he kind of freaked me out pretty bad with an episode, so I fear him somewhat. I also moved quite far from him too. I'd also Like to somehow manage to meet a girl I can identify with. That a toughie. Anyway, there's my story, a good portion of it anyway. I'm sure I left a few things out that will really bug me but oh well, hopefully I don't have too much of an urge to edit like crazy over and over. LOL
So there it is, I'm Josh, glad to be here, glad to have found this forum. I have read a good deal of it, and it's like I have found my species in you people. It's awesome.
