QuasiTypicalQT
Well-Known Member
I've been viewing this sight off an on as a guest for about two years now and couldn't make myself actually sign up. I usually end up just getting upset when I come here because it seems like all my little "flaws" are being talked about by other people. It just makes me focus more on the things that I try not to think about most of the time. Anyway I'm trying to accept myself and the way I am. I've known I was different from a very young age and have been trying to put on the "normal" act since I was about 12 years old. I figure a lot of you know what I mean by that.
Anyway, I'm 27 now and after failing over and over at keeping up this act I finally went and got diagnosed because I just don't feel like I can do it anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be normal, tired of hiding all the strange things I do and the way I feel about things. I knew that I was an Aspie from the first time I read the discription years ago. I just feared having some lable and wasn't sure if I trusted some psych to correctly diagnose me as I have learned to hide most of my traits. The older I've gotten and the more responsibilities I've had placed on me the harder it became to pass myself off as simply shy or quiet. After failing to be able to keep up the act so many times I finally started resorting to simply isolating myself and stopped going outside the house. It took about a year and a half but I finally asked for help and got in with a psych. I basically spoon fed him the information he needed to know and it didn't take long for him to come up with the diagnosis. Thats not to say I faked it. I just did my research on how it was diagnosed and focused on my problems in those areas. I also used to be a psych major in college so I knew a little bit about the whole process.
I'm not sure how getting diagnosed is going to help me but I felt like it was something I needed to do to at least start to be able to accept myself and to feel like I wasn't just making up excuses. Basically none of my family believed I had anything medically or mentally wrong with me as I've tried so hard all my life to hide anything I felt was strange behavior. Its not like it went unnoticed but they at least had no idea how badly I actually was effected by most things.
I'm now going to therapy every two weeks but I seriously question how any of this is going to help. I seem to know more about Aspergers than this guy does. The things he suggest are things I've tried countless times over the years. I have 15 years of experience studying other peoples behavior, noticing the differences and trying to copy them. In that time I've found many ways to modify my behavior but that doesn't make it feel any more natural or comfortable to me so I always end up just feeling out of place. Feeling like I'm faking it and not wanting to be in that situation.
The thing that seems to bother me the most about being the way I am is that I feel so lonely. I can't seem to find others in life that think the way I do about things and I've all but become unwilling to try anymore after so many failed attemts to find what I consider normal, my normal that is. So I suppose thats why I'm here typing this. Perhaps I can get over seeing all the topics about things that I struggle with and find a community that thinks as I do. That is people who think with logic, reasoning, facts, evidence, and resources to back up the things they say.
Anyway, I'm 27 now and after failing over and over at keeping up this act I finally went and got diagnosed because I just don't feel like I can do it anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be normal, tired of hiding all the strange things I do and the way I feel about things. I knew that I was an Aspie from the first time I read the discription years ago. I just feared having some lable and wasn't sure if I trusted some psych to correctly diagnose me as I have learned to hide most of my traits. The older I've gotten and the more responsibilities I've had placed on me the harder it became to pass myself off as simply shy or quiet. After failing to be able to keep up the act so many times I finally started resorting to simply isolating myself and stopped going outside the house. It took about a year and a half but I finally asked for help and got in with a psych. I basically spoon fed him the information he needed to know and it didn't take long for him to come up with the diagnosis. Thats not to say I faked it. I just did my research on how it was diagnosed and focused on my problems in those areas. I also used to be a psych major in college so I knew a little bit about the whole process.
I'm not sure how getting diagnosed is going to help me but I felt like it was something I needed to do to at least start to be able to accept myself and to feel like I wasn't just making up excuses. Basically none of my family believed I had anything medically or mentally wrong with me as I've tried so hard all my life to hide anything I felt was strange behavior. Its not like it went unnoticed but they at least had no idea how badly I actually was effected by most things.
I'm now going to therapy every two weeks but I seriously question how any of this is going to help. I seem to know more about Aspergers than this guy does. The things he suggest are things I've tried countless times over the years. I have 15 years of experience studying other peoples behavior, noticing the differences and trying to copy them. In that time I've found many ways to modify my behavior but that doesn't make it feel any more natural or comfortable to me so I always end up just feeling out of place. Feeling like I'm faking it and not wanting to be in that situation.
The thing that seems to bother me the most about being the way I am is that I feel so lonely. I can't seem to find others in life that think the way I do about things and I've all but become unwilling to try anymore after so many failed attemts to find what I consider normal, my normal that is. So I suppose thats why I'm here typing this. Perhaps I can get over seeing all the topics about things that I struggle with and find a community that thinks as I do. That is people who think with logic, reasoning, facts, evidence, and resources to back up the things they say.
