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Hello everyone! I hope I am in the right place!

S

scarp

Well-Known Member
I am not sure where to start. My father recently revealed to me that I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was in elementary school, which came as both a surprise and somewhat of a relief to me when I heard it. I was even supposed to see a fairly esteemed psychologist to help me resolve some of the issues I was having, but unfortunately we couldn't get an appointment with him. Evidently, no other treatment or further course of action was pursued after that. I really wish it had been, because my life might have turned out a lot differently. Maybe I would have felt happier, less alone, less alienated. Maybe I could have had my talents nurtured and developed instead of suppressed. I don't know. Perhaps I'm being a little too optimistic about what could have been.

In retrospect the diagnosis makes perfect sense, and I'm not sure why I never seriously considered it before. I was a very intelligent but unusual child. In grade school everyone knew me as the weird kid, even though I never intentionally tried to be weird. I would do things and not understand why others laughed or found them unacceptable. I was highly emotional and had a lot of trouble reading the other children and fitting in, despite trying. It was a very uncomfortable time for me that I've made a conscious effort to repress and forget. Now I wish I hadn't, so that I would better be able to share my experiences with you all. Ah well. I'm scheduled to see a new psychologist tomorrow, so maybe it will eventually all come out in therapy. :unsure:

Anyway, now I am nineteen years old and I feel like I am completely unraveling. It's as if years of suppressing my true feelings, interests and desires are culminating in this sort of catastrophic breakdown. I have been officially diagnosed with depression as well, and I'm almost certain that I have avoidant personality disorder. I'm going to try and bring all of this up with my psychologist, but for some reason I'm very afraid of doing so. I usually don't have trouble talking to medical professionals, but for some reason this all seems very embarrassing and shameful to admit. Wish me luck! :redface:

Oh, by the way, I found this forum by googling "I feel like an alien" and clicking on this thread. And oddly enough I felt at home! I look forward to meeting and talking with you all, this seems like such a nice community! :alien:
 
Hello Scarp. You are in the right pllace. I understand how u feel. I am 44 years old and have just a couple weeks ago learned what asperger's is. I had no clue before that. And now am sure I have had it all my life. And that my son has it too. I have avoidant personality disorder and cronic depression. I have lived over twice the time you have with these issues and not know of them. I was 29 when first diagnosed with depression. I have had it since my earlies memories and never sought help due to not knowing what normal felt like and deneying that I wasn't normal. I was diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder when I was about 42,,, again, due to not knowing to seak help becouse of not knowing what normal was suposed to be like and aslo not wanting to openly admit that anything was wrong. Even though I knew something was wrong. I just kept trying to act nnormal and hopes that I would be normal if I kept acting normal. I want to tell you ther's no reason to be embarassed but seein how I never would admit anyting was "wrong" with me for so many years I can't really say anything except that I understand. And once you get it out and deal iwth it you do feel better. My best widshes with the appointment.

Welcome
 
Thank you to you both. :)

Undiagnosed, I know precisely what you mean about normality. It's so hard to know what's normal and what's not when the only point of reference is yourself, and you don't know how to ask other people about their most intimate thoughts and cannot read their minds. That's what I'm hoping this community will help me with -- understanding things from the point of view of others like myself, comparing notes and trading tips.

Thank you for your post; it put some things in perspective for me. I've noticed some of your posts while lurking around here for a bit and hope we can become something like friends. It is sort of bittersweet to find out that others are going through the same things you are -- sweet because you're not alone, but bitter for the very same reason. :unsure:
 
Welcome. :)

You're definitely in the right place. Aside from the wealth of information you'll find here, it's just good to know there are others like you. I've always felt so alone and confused about why I am this way, and to get that validation just makes it easier to accept who you are. I too never received a diagnosis when I displayed very obvious signs as a child, and if I/my parents had known, it would've made things so much easier for me.
 
Hi Scarp, welcome to AC :)

Well, it's quite surprising that you were diagnosed but nothing was done about it for a long time... A lot of us here are adults who never even got the diagnosis until we were OLD! ;) Nineteen isnt that old, and I hope you've got plenty of time and opportunity to get your head around what being an aspie involves - usually dealing with non-aspies in a way other than wanting to bung them all in a rocket and launch them all off into space! :D

Ahem, just kidding.... barely(!)

I hope you feel at home here, and get some sense of being in the right place. It's quite an eye opener realising we are not alone!
 
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