Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in right place but here goes!
Until recently I just thought I was a loner who prefered my own company and had largely given up on having friends and socialising. From childhood I only ever had one friend at a time if that, and I was and have become aware that I can be very intense and demanding on that person. It wasn't that i didn't want more friends, and to fit in, but I always found myself alone and looking in from the outside. I couldn't, and can't seem to find a way to join in or introduce myself to anyone or anything, without a keyboard. I feel too awkward and uncomfortable.
My interests which are a great source of refuge and protection for me are computers, the internet, and programming which I learn for fun, horticulture especially bonsai, and locks focusing on the art of lock picking.
I am especially sensitive to noise and sound in general but particularly any low pitched humming, buzzing, bass type sounds, they drive me crazy. I seem to hear and be upset and hugely irritated by sounds that my family claim are barely audible. To me however, they are piercing to distraction. I find artificial light especially fluorescent lighting makes me feel nauseous and again, the low pitched buzzing sound they create is extremely irritating.
I only wear loose fitting clothes made of soft materials such as cotton. I can't bare to feel restricted and the labels must be removed as they feel like sandpaper constantly rubbing against my skin.
I was 45 before I found full time employment. Before that I was unemployed for long periods, or worked in a self-employed capacity. I am fortunate to now be valued by my employer, and I enjoy the regular routine of work. He knows i am very precise and things must be done properly, I don't cut corners where others do, or take short cuts. I have the ability to plan a job, set it out in my mind before I start, I know starting points and measurements before I've looked at a drawing or picked a tape measure up. It sometimes feels like I have software in my mind and that gives me a complete 3D image of a job and I can visualise, pick up and rotate, and see my work from different angles.
I know my work colleagues think I'm odd, I'm often the butt of jokes I don't understand and the first one to have a prank or practical joke played on as I don't see it coming. I have problems taking them and others literally, and often get confused if I don't get clear step by step instructions, and I can't read minds. For example my wife recently asked me to peel potatoes for mash to go with dinner, then disappeared upstairs. I peeled the potatoes then went back to what I was doing. After 20 minutes she returned to ask why I hadn't chopped the potatoes and put them in boiling water. I told her because she asked me to peel them, which I did. "Is it not obvious they needed chopping and put in water?" To me it really wasn't, I did what I was asked. Had I been asked to peel, chop and put in water I would have, no problem, but I wasn't so I didn't. I really wasn't trying to be smart with her, I thought I'd been helpful. This may be a poor example but this type of thing happens to me very regularly and it's extremely draining. I find a lot of things very draining, and I need to be left on my own to recharge myself.
I have kept this as brief as I could, but I'm aware it's an introduction not an autobiography!
So am I on the spectrum? I don't know. I am just me. I didn't even know there was a spectrum until very recently when it was suggested I look into it. So I did, and I was really quite shocked when I realised there were other people with similar struggles and difficulties to mine, as well as similar talents.
To conclude, after contacting my local mental health team and writing as requested, a bit about myself, history, difficulties and day to day problems I was accepted onto the waiting list for an ASD assessment. After a wait of months and months, I have been given a date in December for my appointment. I am incredibly nervous about it.
Until recently I just thought I was a loner who prefered my own company and had largely given up on having friends and socialising. From childhood I only ever had one friend at a time if that, and I was and have become aware that I can be very intense and demanding on that person. It wasn't that i didn't want more friends, and to fit in, but I always found myself alone and looking in from the outside. I couldn't, and can't seem to find a way to join in or introduce myself to anyone or anything, without a keyboard. I feel too awkward and uncomfortable.
My interests which are a great source of refuge and protection for me are computers, the internet, and programming which I learn for fun, horticulture especially bonsai, and locks focusing on the art of lock picking.
I am especially sensitive to noise and sound in general but particularly any low pitched humming, buzzing, bass type sounds, they drive me crazy. I seem to hear and be upset and hugely irritated by sounds that my family claim are barely audible. To me however, they are piercing to distraction. I find artificial light especially fluorescent lighting makes me feel nauseous and again, the low pitched buzzing sound they create is extremely irritating.
I only wear loose fitting clothes made of soft materials such as cotton. I can't bare to feel restricted and the labels must be removed as they feel like sandpaper constantly rubbing against my skin.
I was 45 before I found full time employment. Before that I was unemployed for long periods, or worked in a self-employed capacity. I am fortunate to now be valued by my employer, and I enjoy the regular routine of work. He knows i am very precise and things must be done properly, I don't cut corners where others do, or take short cuts. I have the ability to plan a job, set it out in my mind before I start, I know starting points and measurements before I've looked at a drawing or picked a tape measure up. It sometimes feels like I have software in my mind and that gives me a complete 3D image of a job and I can visualise, pick up and rotate, and see my work from different angles.
I know my work colleagues think I'm odd, I'm often the butt of jokes I don't understand and the first one to have a prank or practical joke played on as I don't see it coming. I have problems taking them and others literally, and often get confused if I don't get clear step by step instructions, and I can't read minds. For example my wife recently asked me to peel potatoes for mash to go with dinner, then disappeared upstairs. I peeled the potatoes then went back to what I was doing. After 20 minutes she returned to ask why I hadn't chopped the potatoes and put them in boiling water. I told her because she asked me to peel them, which I did. "Is it not obvious they needed chopping and put in water?" To me it really wasn't, I did what I was asked. Had I been asked to peel, chop and put in water I would have, no problem, but I wasn't so I didn't. I really wasn't trying to be smart with her, I thought I'd been helpful. This may be a poor example but this type of thing happens to me very regularly and it's extremely draining. I find a lot of things very draining, and I need to be left on my own to recharge myself.
I have kept this as brief as I could, but I'm aware it's an introduction not an autobiography!
So am I on the spectrum? I don't know. I am just me. I didn't even know there was a spectrum until very recently when it was suggested I look into it. So I did, and I was really quite shocked when I realised there were other people with similar struggles and difficulties to mine, as well as similar talents.
To conclude, after contacting my local mental health team and writing as requested, a bit about myself, history, difficulties and day to day problems I was accepted onto the waiting list for an ASD assessment. After a wait of months and months, I have been given a date in December for my appointment. I am incredibly nervous about it.
