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Hello everyone

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forstem99

Well-Known Member
Hi

This is my first time on a forum. I'm not sure what to say.

I'm English, Asperger-diagnosed (by my friendly local psychologist - I was lucky to find him through my local council). I live alone, a couple of hundred miles from the rest of my family (my parents are dead). I work at a University as a Librarian, about to finish a PhD.

The best thing about being diagnosed was the reduction in self-blame and self-contempt. All of the simple things I was unable to do - drive a car, socialize, get married, be a father - thereby disappointing and embarrassing my parents. I still feel 'ashamed' at times but at least I have an explanation for my 'failures'!

It used to be bliss to live alone...now as I get older (47) I have more of a sense of being empty. No clue how to change that - virtually no experiences of friendship, none whatever of a sexual nature. The usual inability to make eye contact, understand and respond to facial cues and bodylanguage don't seem to improve with age...

But life can be full of joy - so many beautiful, dazzling, fascinating and moving things in it! I love research and have a sense of intellectual fulfilment for the first time (it's never to late to take that college degree/masters/PhD); History; Astronomy; Poetry. The last one surprises me sometimes as well.


I've gone on too long.
Bye for now.
 
Hey, welcome to AC from another Brit.

Best thing that happened was living on my own, I'm nearly 61 and at times I guess I'd like company. So I see where you are.

AC is a great place, so many wonderful, crazy people, so don't be shy :)

There is a poetry thread if you'd like to share with us, enjoy the fun.
 
Welcome :)

Congratulations on almost completing your PhD; that will be quite an achievement to be proud of.

I'm glad to hear that the diagnoses has helped with better understanding yourself, and allowing yourself to feel more confident in who you are. You'll find that many of us can relate, and have struggled similarly with those issues.

Feel free to find, or add, resources to our collection:
Autism & Asperger's Resources | AspiesCentral.com
 
Thank you Vanilla

I've managed to get there in a little over 3 years part-time. Way ahead of schedule - thanks to the old habit of obsessiveness! Unfortunately to the point where it has affected my physical health.
I've just gone part-time in my job to try and sort out my health, get the thing finished and decide what I want to do next.
All this 'change' and potential change is causing a fairly deep depression - again something I'm used to. Perhaps others can relate?
 
forstem99 said:
Thank you Vanilla

I've managed to get there in a little over 3 years part-time. Way ahead of schedule - thanks to the old habit of obsessiveness! Unfortunately to the point where it has affected my physical health.
I've just gone part-time in my job to try and sort out my health, get the thing finished and decide what I want to do next.
All this 'change' and potential change is causing a fairly deep depression - again something I'm used to. Perhaps others can relate?
Click to expand...
Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. Yes, I know I've been guilty of obsessive behaviour, and forgetting to take better care of myself. Hopefully you can get back on track in that regard. And yes, change can be rather difficult; especially when transitioning from study, to a new job in that field of study. Perhaps talking about it more on here might help you to better prepare for the change mentally.
 
Yay! Another poet!

Your so-called failures are only considered such by your parents because they're looking at life from a different perspective. But I say you should be happy doing what you want instead of what other people expect.

Welcome!
 
Greetings, Forstem! Glad to have you join the forum. I envy your position as a librarian. I suppose only an Aspie would feel this way, but that would be my dream job. Congrats on your PhD. Is it in Library Science?
Hope to have an opportunity to get to know you better. You sound like an interesting person.
 
I had my fare struggles with my life. Glad you are able to find a successful career and find activities that you enjoy. Enjoy your stay on here.
 
Welcome aboard. Glad you have joined the site. I have never been very good at reading most people either and have always been a bit different my own self.
 
Hi there, Forstem.

Yet another Brit here, 58, also chipping away at a doctorate. Academia has been a good refuge for me...a world unto itself and happily immersive. As is AC, here. You'll find good company. Lots of artists and very bright people [not mutually exclusive].

Some of the worst of AS is the pressure of not meeting age-graded social markers like marriage, etc. It amazes me that even today, with so much more emphasis on individuality, we still find ourselves expected to fulfill others' standards. Bollocks. One only needs to meet one's own. You need explain yourself to no one.

You'll find plenty of acceptance here for exactly who you are and where you are in life. And some humour about it, too. Welcome in.
 
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