JuniperBug
Rainbow Bird of Friendliness
Nice to meet you all, I'm looking forward to becoming more active in this forum. I'm a 25 year old American living in Taiwan. If you're up for a read, here's my story: My younger brother was diagnosed with high functioning autism several years back so I've always been familiar with it but no one ever assumed I had it because I was a really great student, got into college myself and did everything independently and, admittedly, pretty well.
But there have always been those weird things about me. I've tried explaining to therapists before, how I see different things, what goes on in my head when I talk to people...but the words are never right. I can never explain it right. I've gotten told I was anxious, depressed, social anxiety disorder, even OCPD and OCD from different places...but it all felt wrong. I researched them all and, logically, I reasoned they were wrong, too.
About a year ago, I stumbled across the article below which basically explains how Asperger’s can present differently in men and women, and how women can be overly sensitive to emotions...overly empathic.
(new-study-finds-that-individuals-with-aspergers-syndrome-dont-lack-empathy-in-fact-if-anything-they-empathize-too-much)
This article changed everything. Not because it is the best, most insightful, most well researched resource, but because it lit a spark in me and made me start researching other ways that Asperger's can present in females. It was like reading off a checklist of all the oddities I just considered weird pieces of my life that I wasn't socially allowed to talk about.
Weird sixth-sense empathy yet inability to read faces ✓
Introverted home-body ✓
Bonds faster/easier to animals (and sometimes objects) than to people ✓
Can't attend live music or bars without earplugs ✓
Can't be anywhere that people are smoking ✓
Crap immune system (allergic to everything) ✓
Inability to understand why only talking topics are social acceptable ✓
Oversharing / trusting too easily ✓
Eating the same food everyday ✓
Chewing on almost everything I touch ✓
Heavy reliance on self-help books about body language and people skills ✓
Every conversation feels like a performance ✓
Self-taught most skills and insistent on independent from a young age ✓
Extremely obsessive interests that disappear without warning ✓
Watching mouths rather than eyes when people talk ✓
There are more but the point is that it all fit together. I was even STIMMING but I just didn't think to call it that before. I never thought to even look into Asperger’s or Austism because I just associated them with my awkward little brother who was bullied and had trouble in school and loved video games. I was being biased against both him and myself.
I researched and researched and I'm still researching. I got my diagnosis last month here in Taiwan and, even though it wasn’t ‘official’ (as Asperger’s is not in the DSM 5), the doctor was clear that he thought I had it and that was a relief. I began reading stories from other women. Whenever I read or hear anecdotes from other females with Asperger’s I just want to cry with relief. It feels like finally someone understands. I started the process of mentally changing my ‘weird’ parts into ‘Aspie’ parts.
I used feel not only weird, but fundamentally flawed and damaged somehow. At my lowest points, I used to wonder what the point of my existence even was. What's the point of a person who can't tolerate sounds and smells, who hates new foods and places, who wants to be alone most of the time and can't make friends? After all, these are the things we are taught are the ‘really’ important things in life: people and experiences. Why would a person who didn't seek those things even exist? I though I was a freak of nature.
Well, now I know I was wrong; my research and diagnosis helped me realize that. My experiences and friendships, stressful as they can be, are real and valid. When I am happy, then my happiness is valid, even if I happy playing computer games home alone. I don’t have to feel guilty that I don’t ‘go out’ enough, travel enough, call people enough. Asperger’s has helped me see that this is my life and I have the right to live it the way I want.
If you’re one of those kind souls who reads new member boards then thanks you, and it’s nice to meet you. I’d like to know your gender, age, when you got diagnosed, and how your diagnosis has impacted your life. Thanks for listening to my story, I hope I get to hear yours soon.
But there have always been those weird things about me. I've tried explaining to therapists before, how I see different things, what goes on in my head when I talk to people...but the words are never right. I can never explain it right. I've gotten told I was anxious, depressed, social anxiety disorder, even OCPD and OCD from different places...but it all felt wrong. I researched them all and, logically, I reasoned they were wrong, too.
About a year ago, I stumbled across the article below which basically explains how Asperger’s can present differently in men and women, and how women can be overly sensitive to emotions...overly empathic.
(new-study-finds-that-individuals-with-aspergers-syndrome-dont-lack-empathy-in-fact-if-anything-they-empathize-too-much)
This article changed everything. Not because it is the best, most insightful, most well researched resource, but because it lit a spark in me and made me start researching other ways that Asperger's can present in females. It was like reading off a checklist of all the oddities I just considered weird pieces of my life that I wasn't socially allowed to talk about.
Weird sixth-sense empathy yet inability to read faces ✓
Introverted home-body ✓
Bonds faster/easier to animals (and sometimes objects) than to people ✓
Can't attend live music or bars without earplugs ✓
Can't be anywhere that people are smoking ✓
Crap immune system (allergic to everything) ✓
Inability to understand why only talking topics are social acceptable ✓
Oversharing / trusting too easily ✓
Eating the same food everyday ✓
Chewing on almost everything I touch ✓
Heavy reliance on self-help books about body language and people skills ✓
Every conversation feels like a performance ✓
Self-taught most skills and insistent on independent from a young age ✓
Extremely obsessive interests that disappear without warning ✓
Watching mouths rather than eyes when people talk ✓
There are more but the point is that it all fit together. I was even STIMMING but I just didn't think to call it that before. I never thought to even look into Asperger’s or Austism because I just associated them with my awkward little brother who was bullied and had trouble in school and loved video games. I was being biased against both him and myself.
I researched and researched and I'm still researching. I got my diagnosis last month here in Taiwan and, even though it wasn’t ‘official’ (as Asperger’s is not in the DSM 5), the doctor was clear that he thought I had it and that was a relief. I began reading stories from other women. Whenever I read or hear anecdotes from other females with Asperger’s I just want to cry with relief. It feels like finally someone understands. I started the process of mentally changing my ‘weird’ parts into ‘Aspie’ parts.
I used feel not only weird, but fundamentally flawed and damaged somehow. At my lowest points, I used to wonder what the point of my existence even was. What's the point of a person who can't tolerate sounds and smells, who hates new foods and places, who wants to be alone most of the time and can't make friends? After all, these are the things we are taught are the ‘really’ important things in life: people and experiences. Why would a person who didn't seek those things even exist? I though I was a freak of nature.
Well, now I know I was wrong; my research and diagnosis helped me realize that. My experiences and friendships, stressful as they can be, are real and valid. When I am happy, then my happiness is valid, even if I happy playing computer games home alone. I don’t have to feel guilty that I don’t ‘go out’ enough, travel enough, call people enough. Asperger’s has helped me see that this is my life and I have the right to live it the way I want.
If you’re one of those kind souls who reads new member boards then thanks you, and it’s nice to meet you. I’d like to know your gender, age, when you got diagnosed, and how your diagnosis has impacted your life. Thanks for listening to my story, I hope I get to hear yours soon.
