Hello from sunny (ugh) California!

[McCall]

I'm new to the whole AS thing, and I'm not really sure what I can do, apart from learning more about it. I'm 32 years old, and have always wondered whether I was depressed, fatigued, or just a bit of a dope. Now I know.

I'd always thought of AS as nothing more than a slightly chattier version of autism (chalk that one up to reading Dean Koontz's sub-par "By the Light of the Moon"), so it never really crossed my mind to think that I might have it. In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't find out until recently; it's forced me to toughen up and deal with people (albeit badly). However, I've gone about as far as I can go with stick-to-itiveness and willpower. It seems I just simply can't cope in the rat race for long enough to contribute to society in a meaningful way, and this depresses me terribly. I think there's a vast lack of understanding between the normal world and those with Asperger's Syndrome and autism in general, and I guess I'm a bit worried as to what my family and friends will think once I tell them. One of my OCD traits is that of overwhelming curiosity that must be sated ASAP, so I'm sure I'll tell them at some point, probably during an awkward pause in an otherwise dull conversation.

Anyway, don't hesitate to say hi. After all, my curiosity will likely compel me to reply...

 

[shinigami]

Hi. I also live in CA.

 

[krisi]

Hi and welcome!! Glad to see another person from the US here--I do believe we're in the minority. I really do like this "global community", though. It's just nice to have someone in a relatively similar time zone, I think.

Looking at what you said about curiosity, I think I experience something similar. I get "stuck" on a question and have to know the answer, and I perseverate on that question or idea until my curiosity has been satisfied. Is this how it is for you?

I hope you enjoy your time here!

 

[McCall]

Yeah, I do tend to obsess over the outcome of any given scenario or question, if it even remotely interests me. When I was in my teenage years and early twenties, I used to build up forthcoming events in my head until the reality couldn't possibly live up to my imagination. I've since found that the only recourse to that is to be negative and expect very little. Unfortunately, that kind of attitude just makes people around me want to give me a hard time to "bring me out of my shell."

Still hasn't worked.

 

[Carl Carter]

Hey, halloo! Good to see another adult Aspie (the teeny boppers are goin' down! ). Haven't read a Dean R Koontz book in years (think the last one was Shadowfires). Agh, folk attempting to drag you out of your shell is a nightmare, like being force-fed fear. Shells are good, crabs like them well enough. Crabs are cool

 

[krisi]

Crabs taste delicious, too. (Sorry, off-topic)

 

[superboyian]

Hey, welcome to Aspergic forums.

I've only come to noticed that your self-diagnosed, have you ever thought of having a diagnosis or do you consider it not of a choice?

 

[McCall]

Hey, welcome to Aspergic forums.

I've only come to noticed that your self-diagnosed, have you ever thought of having a diagnosis or do you consider it not of a choice?

I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed (or so I hope). Because I have no health insurance, I have to see the prescribed shrink from the Los Angeles Free Clinic. I've only seen my psychiatrist once, and our session was really brief, with the focus on medication more than anything else. He's prescribed Lorazepam for my sleep difficulties and has acknowledged my OCDs, though I still don't really consider the latter to be a problem per se. I've outlined my quirks and social miscues very thoroughly, and I hope he picks up on the possibility of AS without any further prompting from me. If not, I'll have to bring it up pointblank during our next session and hope he knows at least as much about Asperger's as I do! <_<

 

[krisi]

I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed (or so I hope). Because I have no health insurance, I have to see the prescribed shrink from the Los Angeles Free Clinic. I've only seen my psychiatrist once, and our session was really brief, with the focus on medication more than anything else. He's prescribed Lorazepam for my sleep difficulties and has acknowledged my OCDs, though I still don't really consider the latter to be a problem per se. I've outlined my quirks and social miscues very thoroughly, and I hope he picks up on the possibility of AS without any further prompting from me. If not, I'll have to bring it up pointblank during our next session and hope he knows at least as much about Asperger's as I do! <_<

What do you hope will happen once you have a diagnosis?

 

[McCall]

What do you hope will happen once you have a diagnosis?

At this point, I'm trying not to formulate any hopes about a diagnosis, because I don't want to be disappointed. I guess I just want the diagnosis so I can have validation for my social failures in the past. I mean, most of my life's shortcomings didn't come from symptomatic depression or OCDs, but by a basic failure to comprehend what others understood instinctively. After a certain age, one comes to realize that this goes way beyond intelligence (or lack thereof), and it can no longer be explained with a label of "naive" or "quirky."

So, if I got a diagnosis of AS, I think I'd feel better about a lot of the things that have happened in my past, though I'm sure I'd feel more uneasy about my future. I don't know how my life would change or if the few people in my life would treat me differently (assuming I were to even tell them).

My inability to function around people and my lack of patience when my mind is "engaged" have actually become worse in this past year. I went from employed to sporadically self-employed to unemployed in the span of a few years. And, though I love my hobbies, these particular obsessions have become more involved and time-consuming, and with that, so have my stereotypies. As I try and fail (always, always due to clumsiness, over-analysis, impatience, distraction, social unease, and in the case of my most recent failure, lack of positive emotion and human warmth), every time I wonder: Did I choose incorrectly? Should I come up with a new plan for my life? Did I just not try hard enough? Why don't I ever see my peers struggling with these issues?

In short, if I have to wear a label, and if I'm hoping for anything at all, it's for a label that goes beyond a vague adjective. And I'm hoping that such a label can somehow help me to figure out what I realistically can and can't do with my life.