Hello guys!

[Rania]

Hi,

My name is Rania (24) and I live in Germany. I think I'm somewhere on the spectrum (self-diagnosed). I knew since I was little that something about me is off or different. As a child, people would always say I'm gifted or talented. People would describe me as quirky, weird and unique. Other kids would say I gave off "ADHD-vibes". School was literal hell. I was an outsider and people would use and harass me for the way I looked, acted and spoke. I also have severe diagnosed dyscalculia.

I was raised in an abusive and toxic household. My mother is undiagnosed but I'm 100% sure, she has NPD. I still live at home. As a child of traumatized and mentally ill immigrant parents and living in a merciless and tough outside world, I sought refuge in books and movies.

I'm a pro at masking and nobody would ever guess that I'm autistic. When people catch a glimpse of me being "weird", I will laugh or play it off.

I feel so out of touch with reality. Reading and learning more about being neurodivergent and autistic, gave me a sense of relief. I'm still on this long journey and I hope I can find a way of living in this world that was not made for people like us. This is all so new to me. If you have tips for people that just discovered their autistic traits, I'm happy to hear them all.

Bye bye!

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Greetings Rania. I am sorry to hear you have had such a difficult time at school and in your home life. I am continually saddened by how cruel people (children and adults) can be towards outsiders. I am glad you found this site and I hope it can be of use to you. I find the community here lovely, but you are also welcome to lurk if you don't feel ready to jump in yet.

My tips are simply to read what other autistic people have to say, and not to be hard on yourself for struggling. It's okay and even understandable to be exhausted from constant masking. Try to find some space (the forum for instance) where you don't constantly have to pretend and get some space to breathe.

I read like crazy all throughout my childhood, pretty much whatever I could get my hands on. Do you have a favourite author and/or book series? Terry Pratchett is my favourite author, but I'm unsure on series. When I was a child, it was Eragon, but I wouldn't say it's my favourite anymore. These days I prefer more focused novels. I read "Build Your House Around My Body" by Violet Kuipersmith and really liked it. It's a mystery novel which takes place throughout several decades in Vietnam.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! Sorry about your challenges. Hopefully as time goes on you'll find and refine ways to help you navigate your world.

One of my favourite resource lists is

https://thinkingautismguide.com/resources

 

[Owliet]

Herzlich Willkommen!

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Welcome!

 

[Human Avatar]

Hello

 

[Aspychata]

Happy to meet you. Hope you get a chance to read posts and tell us how you survived such a toxic childhood. There are many childhood survivors here and l have learned much at this site.

 

[Storm Hess]

Hello.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome. There is a great magnitude of life experience here that I hope you can draw on. Over the past year I have made progress in subduing triggers from PTSD, created when I was socially and sexually isolated as a teen and young adult. Now rather than going downthe rabbit hole of negativity, I have learned to be gentle with myself to understand the positives of my neurodivergence. I am enjoying people more and have applied to be a big brother to mentor a child who may not have a male role model in their life.

 

[madisen622]

welcome to the forum, it's nice to meet you!

im so sorry you were raised in an abusive environment, no one deserves that. i can understand your pain, im still living at home and im in a similar situation.

im glad you were able to find refuge in books and movies, those are some good ways to cope.

masking is something i did a lot growing up as well. i got professionally diagnosed last year in september, i knew before the diagnosis i had autism though i had done two years of research prior to be sure. the best advice i can give you is to surround yourself with people you trust to be yourself around whether they be on here or in person. slowly over time you will find yourself breaking your mask, i can freely stim around my mom without feeling ashamed. it will take time but i know you can do it!

as a side note may i add you're SO pretty i saw your profile photo and thought "she is so gorgeous!"