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Hello, I am new, and I've come here for help. I need a better understanding.

JamesStevens

JamesStevens

I'm Jack's Medulla Oblongata
Hi everyone,
My name is James, I live in the U.S. I guess you could say that I am an NT but I really don't know. I decided to create a profile here to seek, and understand from the experts who communicate here. I am romantically involved with someone who has female aspie traits/ characteristics. My girlfriend Jane and I have been together for 1 1/2 years. I care about her very much, and it seems I've had some bad luck lately. It comes and goes to where sometimes it's really bad, and sometimes it's mild.

I am a very sensitive person but only when it comes down to someone I am very close to a surrogate family member, and someone I am in love with. I can be sensitive to everything else but not as bad, so I tend to shrug it off. There is so much to discuss. So much to say! I want to lay all my cards out on the table here and talk about what I've been doing so I can figure if there's something I am not doing right. I mean I know I am not doing certain things right, but I just really need help and a better form of guidance. I am very emotionally vested with this person and would like to make things better for her as much as I can.

I am not fully knowledgeable in the proper terms here, and don't feel afraid to correct me, as I am very open minded. I didn't come here for a support group to help me feel better about myself and to feel that I am right about what I am doing. I came here to be a better partner for my girlfriend. I want to be a better man for her.

She might have an account on here, I really don't know. I am not trying to embarrass her in any way, but feel that I need to be proactively on board if I wanna make some changes with a better knowledge of understanding. That's not to say I hardly understand anything, because I have read quite a bit, yet I am still learning, still growing and all informative input is appreciated.

Thank you.
**edit/ update 11.16.2015**
I am not the best with words or what I am trying to translate from my own thoughts and feelings, so always feel free to ask as many questions as you like. I would love very much to be understood. I would even more love to understand everyone else. Understanding is everything <3
 
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Welcome aboard :)
image.jpg
 
Has she been officially diagnosed? At first blush, ASDs, alone, tend to be fairly consistent. Are you sure that you are not dealing with Bi-polar Disorder?
 
Hedgehog Instigator said:
Hi, glad you're involved. Just hope you aren't trying to change people just circumstances <3 hope you find what you're looking for.
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Hi Hedgehog! I may not be the best with words, in to what I am trying to translate from how I feel/ my thoughts. I tried my best to describe that I mainly came here to be a better partner for my girlfriend. Would you be okay and open to questions I have in regards to the "Just hope you aren't trying to change people just circumstances <3"?
Just so you know I am not here to make anyone feel bad, I am here to have a better sense of understanding actions so I can understand better.

Also for everyone else reading this, (including you Hedgehog! <3), I am glad to meet every person on here and soon to meet on here.
 
Crossbreed said:
Has she been officially diagnosed? At first blush, ASDs, alone, tend to be fairly consistent. Are you sure that you are not dealing with Bi-polar Disorder?
Click to expand...
Hello Crossbreed! <3
I will need to clarify further because my girlfriend is seeing a psychiatrist and is receiving medication. This doctor of hers is working on his/ her own degree and reports to someone who is qualified. I do know that she does share some very noticeable traits in the female aspie spectrum. The really weird thing is, she was not like this at all before we started dating... My only guess is because of her circumstances at the time we were getting together and the fact that her and I are in love with each other that it has made her more comfortable? I am not sure how to really describe it...

What I do know about her traits is, she cannot stand her clothes that are too snug, or snag at certain parts of her body, she can't handle yelling from any source or any loud noises (i.e., construction work). She sometimes has difficulty speaking about what she really wants/ needs. I've seen the meltdowns.... Things need to be on time. Things need to be planned. She needs to have a routine.

I don't see any of these things as annoying or like she is retarded. I don't think of her as stupid. This is just her and I consider her as normal as me.
 
Hedgehog Instigator said:
Welcome aboard James. Be sure to explore the forum topics you might find some interesting stuff. Also, talk to vanilla she is the resource keeper :)
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Hello again, Hedgehog! :)
I am not sure I understand... is this an entirely new entry? Is it a form of a response to my previous reply to you? Are you going to reply to it? (If not and you are uncomfortable, it's totally ok not to reply)
 
JamesStevens

Welcome to the forums.

This place is a great source of information, and will be benign to you. It is great to see that you make efforts to make sure to understand more about your beloved.

People here, as well as myself give you a warm welcome and we will do as much as possible to help you ensure both you and your soul mate will forever remain the ones that were meant to be together.
 
Welcome, James! How fortunate for your lady that she has someone so interested in understanding her better. :)
 
JamesStevens said:
Hello again, Hedgehog! :)
I am not sure I understand... is this an entirely new entry? Is it a form of a response to my previous reply to you? Are you going to reply to it? (If not and you are uncomfortable, it's totally ok not to reply)
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Um yes? It seemed to be useful to you. And yes I have no problem answering questions. Not realizing what I missed, was there a specific question?
 
Hedgehog Instigator said:
Um yes? It seemed to be useful to you. And yes I have no problem answering questions. Not realizing what I missed, was there a specific question?
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Maybe he means he's not sure regarding the "quote," and response approach. Like, you quote someone to indicate your directly answering them? Lol I'm confused too!
 
malortie said:
JamesStevens

Welcome to the forums.

This place is a great source of information, and will be benign to you. It is great to see that you make efforts to make sure to understand more about your beloved.

People here, as well as myself give you a warm welcome and we will do as much as possible to help you ensure both you and your soul mate will forever remain the ones that were meant to be together.
Click to expand...
Malortie... That is so kind and warm to hear. I never thought I would be greeted by such a handful of very nice and gentle people here. I am a bit emotional lately, but only because this is in regards to someone I am in love with. This would be the same if it were someone really close to me that I consider a surrogate family member, only cos I am not really close to my own family... I hardly let anyone in. Hardly ever. I have so many walls, that when they are gone, I am a sensitive mess, and can take offense easily from those so close to me, only because nothing is trivial between those I care about deeply that have gotten close to me.

It's like I wear this mask of courage and bravery, and I do so well in that character. When I am close to someone/ let them in, the mask is gone, YET it takes some time to get there...

Sorry. I am rambling most of what I am saying is irrelevant, somewhat.

Thank you for the kind welcome. I too want to ensure everything goes well for her and I together as partners. In other words I should have come here a long time ago. She still loves me, she still cares, but it's on the level to where it can be on thin ice by a whim... Her heart is so delicate, as is mine. What I am trying to do now is reinforce the safety in the hearts of her and I.
 
Warmheart said:
Welcome, James! How fortunate for your lady that she has someone so interested in understanding her better. :)
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Thank you Warmheart. I long to be her safe place. She tells me I am her special person, her favorite person, even after certain meltdowns, she still says that about me. I just don't want her to hurt anymore, I don't want her to feel like she should not be alive, or like she is handicapped because I don't feel like she is handicapped. To me she is normal, and her life is so invaluable.
 
Hedgehog Instigator said:
Um yes? It seemed to be useful to you. And yes I have no problem answering questions. Not realizing what I missed, was there a specific question?
Click to expand...
My specific question is to why you would say "Just hope you aren't trying to change people just circumstances <3"?

I am wondering if I did anything wrong or wasn't specific enough when I stated how I wanted to be a better person for my girlfriend. I am wondering if there was a better way to explain, because if so I would like to know, so I can help communicate better.
 
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