Hello, I'm new here...

[Alison_K]

Hello,
I found out a couple of years ago that I have Aspergers. My seven year old daughter does too. I'm 38 years old now and for the last few years I have been trying to understand Aspergers.
Firstly in my daughter and now in myself.

I need to learn more about female Aspergers in order to identify with Aspies and accept it. I don't know anything other than being me. So I'm here to read and share and learn how Aspergers presents in lots of different people so I can figure out what parts of me are due to Aspergers and what is personality/experience etc.

For instance I have heaps of anxiety, it is my biggest problem, palpitations, shaking hands, using the phone, having attention drawn to me, stress migraines, SSRI medication, side effects, alternative therapies etc etc etc is this due to Aspergers? or the fact that I had quite a traumatic childhood? Is it genetic anxiety passed down from my Mum?
I don't think I am going to believe I have Aspergers until I understand exactly what Aspergers is for a 38 yo female and what parts of me are because of Aspergers.

thanks for listening

Alison

 

[Nitro]

Hi Alison

 

[tree]

 

[Autistamatic]

Hi Alison

I'm new here too. I feel for you in your current state of doubt, but believe me, it will all seem clearer once you start talking to other people on the spectrum and realising how many of us have similar experiences. Anxiety is very common amongst us as an inevitable consequence of the difficulties most of us have understanding and communicating with the rest of the non-AS world.
Welcome on board and I hope you find more certainty and peace of mind as you get to know more about how AS colours the life of both yourself and your daughter.

 

[Gracey]

Hello Alison

 

[Alison_K]

Hi Alison

I'm new here too. I feel for you in your current state of doubt, but believe me, it will all seem clearer once you start talking to other people on the spectrum and realising how many of us have similar experiences. Anxiety is very common amongst us as an inevitable consequence of the difficulties most of us have understanding and communicating with the rest of the non-AS world.
Welcome on board and I hope you find more certainty and peace of mind as you get to know more about how AS colours the life of both yourself and your daughter.

Thanks
I feel like I need a psych degree to figure it all out. The fact that it is a HUGE spectrum and not one issue that is the same in everyone makes it so confusing. Plus the traits/symptoms are so overlapping with other mental health issues and personality traits like introversion that it seems only once a certain number of these traits are found in the one person that it is called ASD. I could also be described as an anxious, introverted, gifted, sensitive person with social anxiety. That would be just as accurate as Aspergers, in my current view.
But then someone else also identified as Aspergers could be described as socially inept, withdrawn and clumsy...all things I am not. Yet we both have Aspergers. argh

 

[Autistamatic]

It's a question of degree Alison. AS is incredibly diverse in it's own right as you have observed, even if regarded apart from the rest of the Autistic Spectrum. There are a number of traits associated with AS but not everybody shares the same traits or to the same degree. Women/girls cope with and adapt to AS much better than men according to many of the experts hence the paucity of female diagnoses until recently.

The big difference between AS and "other mental health issues" is that mental health problems can usually be resolved with meds and/or therapy. AS is something hardwired into our brains. It's always been there and always will be - it is a part of the person - not an illness. How we deal with it and adapt to life because of it is up to us as individuals. SSRIs may help with depression and anxiety but they will not eliminate a person's distinctiveness. Without our AS we would not be the same people we are today. Despite the frustrations, I like being me, I hope you like being you too.

 

[Alison_K]

The big difference between AS and "other mental health issues" is that mental health problems can usually be resolved with meds and/or therapy. AS is something hardwired into our brains. It's always been there and always will be - it is a part of the person - not an illness.

Yes this is helpful. I agree.
Mental health issues can usually at least be improved with therapy/meds...whereas AS won't change. But I could have AS and anxiety, i suppose if the anxiety is caused by the AS then I can't expect much improvement to occur with meds/therapy?? Am I on the right track?

 

[Autistamatic]

They can help for sure. Many of us have been or are still on SSRIs. I've been on them myself. Anxiety is mainly caused by uncertainty about your circumstances and your confidence in how to deal with them. AS people usually have some difficulty with comprehending other people's behaviour which leads to anxious feelings because we don't know if we are doing the right thing.
According to the experts, we have a difficulty with "theory of mind" - the faculty which allows us to instinctively know what someone else is thinking. Many of us make up for this by consciously working out what we believe people may be thinking as we go along, rather than having a "gut feeling".
We get it wrong sometimes but, if we're lucky, we get it right most of the time. Many NTs get it wrong even more than we do, but because it is something they don't think about they often don't even know, unless they really mess up badly and have to face consequences. The prevalence of TV shows like Jeremy Kyle in the UK that celebrate the messed up lives of their guests are testament to this.
Meds can help your symptoms, therapy can too, but they won't change who you are. AS is a mixed blessing. It allows many of us a level of perception and sensitivity beyond most others. It gives us an ability to focus on interests and tasks that many would envy. It can point us to the tiniest details, or the most subtle of patterns that many would miss. It can also make us awkward, unsure of ourselves, anxious and unhappy, not because we are unfortunate, but because the rest of the world does not think like we do.

If you haven't seen them already, these videos are worth watching:

 

[Pats]

Hi Alison. Check this out, too. Women diagnosed with autism late tell their stories

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[clg114]

Welcome to AutismForums!

 

[Major Tom]

Hi and welcome!

 

[Alison_K]

Thanks so much for the video clips, I'm watching them all.
I certainly identify with a lot of it, except a lot of the women say they watched other people and mimicked them. I know i used lines from movies in conversation a lot and i will take on and use someones accent I'm talking to, but i don't ever remember thinking 'i will do what she's doing.'
I feel like the major reason i couldn't socialise is that i was too afraid to talk. Ever since toddlerhood, I've never interacted with someone I didn't know, and in my teenage years when we moved interstate and I had to start at a whole new school i found it extremely difficult to find friends because once i built up the courage to ask a group if i could hang around with them, once they said yes, i was so anxious and self conscious that i couldn't say a word. so they had no way of getting to know me. if they asked me something i would go red and timidly answer. I had such a fear of people focusing on me and having attention drawn to me and i feel like that is why I had
1. difficulty developing relationships
2. deficits in social emotional reciprocity and
3. deficits using non verbal communication.

rather than not knowing what to do.

why i was/am so goddamn scared, i have no idea.

 

[Suzanne]

How elaquently you explain yourself!

I am not official yet, but it was coming here, that really helped me on the road to a greater understanding and I made it my goal to connect with official aspies as I feel that may help me in getting a diagnosis, where I live, which is France ( not native).

You will soon have a clearer understanding.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Hi there! You could have a traumatic childhood and Asperger's. There's no one way of telling without going to see a therapist, honestly.

A lot of mental illness can be passed down from mother to daughter so I wouldn't be surprised to hear if you have GAD because your mother have anxiety. I'm the same too although I've mostly side stepped mine now to a point where it doesn't affect me in most situations.

If you haven't yet have a look out for CBT for anxiety if you haven't already down that before. It's a free, self referral on the NHS.

Also, if you want to know more about how autism affects the female brain, look at The Girl With The Curly Hair.

 

[disconnected]

Hello and welcome.

 

[StephF]

Hi

 

[LearnedCoward]

Hi Alison, and welcome. I'm rather new here myself. I've been here a few months and find this to be an accepting place. I hope you do as well.

I could also be described as an anxious, introverted, gifted, sensitive person with social anxiety. That would be just as accurate as Aspergers, in my current view

But then someone else also identified as Aspergers could be described as socially inept, withdrawn and clumsy...all things I am not.

The difference is that one is stated positively and the other is stated negatively.

If you're okay with yourself, you'll be okay with whatever the label is. You just seem new to this. The more you learn about Asperger's and how it relates to you, the more accepting you will be of it.

Likewise, the more of us you meet, the more comfortable you will be with the label. We are all unique individuals, despite all being on the spectrum. We are all human, and none of us is a walking autistic stereotype. There are so many of us here from different walks of life, you will get on just fine here.

 

[Myway]

Howdy. Welcome to our domain.