aspiewoman999
New Member
Hello, my name is Lea and i’m new to the forum. I am a 26 yo biracial woman. I don’t have a job right now and I don’t drive. I am trying to get through college but I feel burnt out from that too 
everything is exhausting and overwhelming, and I have no idea what will make me happy or stable. I also have trouble keeping friends, though making them is slightly easier for me I guess. I’m always told I am too much my whole life. I was diagnosed with level 1 ASD (formerly known as Aspergers syndrome) when I was 25 yo back in November 2022. I am also bisexual (I guess?) and currently going through a 6.5 year break up with my ex girlfriend the past 6 mo. It is hard because she also helps me with my support needs. Since age 17 + I have lost my gma, uncle, mom, aunt, and most recently 5 mo ago my sister. It is not only hard to grieve but it’s hard to feel alone and not know how to drive and get around or live alone, always anxious and sad, etc. I have a lot of guilt of my past and fear of my future, but I try my best to remain present. I am in therapy, have been since 14. I still live with my ex and her family since I barley have anyone else. Her brother also has level 1 ASD (which was part of what tipped me off). I went to two professional female psychologists who specialize with autism spectrum for my assessments. It took about a month I guess. I also got diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD for sure as they were apparently observable and i’ve been diagnosed with them from the past too. I have other diagnosis i’ve accumulated since I was a child/teen, such as OCD, Bipolar disorder, and Borderline personality disorder. However, I am unsure what is misdiagnosed at this point due to no one assessing the autism until now (I heard this is common especially with woman/people of color on the spectrum being told their autistic traits are “behavioral issues”). Idk if doctors always know what they’re doing. Before all the passing of my family was a bunch of trauma from them as well. Trauma can make things a lot more confusing. Anyways, I will end with some of my special interests and hobbies. I like to read, write, draw, paint, sing, make music, and play guitar. I only express myself this way or by talking to my therapist or few close loved ones. Otherwise I will have meltdowns due to intense emotions or sensory overload (which I have pretty commonly anyways). I have been off psych meds for 3 yrs now. I am honestly unsure if I am better or worse. My memory is trash and that makes me sad. I feel like my head is full of hot air. Maybe I will try prozac again… idk.
My special interests include -
video games (mainly pokémon tetris, disney dream light valley, and fortnite), cartoons and anime (adventure time, the amazing world of gumball, attack on titan, and bojack horseman). I like the 80s/90s/00s retro/nostalgia lore as well such as the cartoons, fashion, toys, or video games of those times. I am weirdly obsessed with old retail such as Kmart. I just stare at old 90s pictures of Kmart and they remind me of my grandma - the only person who knew me the deepest. I also enjoy researching psychology and autism (which is my major in college), horror movies and true crime, space, dinosaurs, and tech. I love to research and partake in these activities and topics when alone. They relieve stress and help with the fact that I don’t feel like I fit in with others around me (rather I do or not).
My current biggest fixation is pokémon, fortnite, and bojack horseman (as you can see by my profile picture lol). I relate to bojack a lot. Deep down inside he has a heart of gold, life just dealt him ****** cards.
Oh, and one last thing - I am currently 16 mo sober from 10 yrs of heavy marijuana use. I am so proud of myself for trying not to numb my problems. Anyways, I hope to make friends here. Online socializing has always been easier for me. Thanks for the long read.
TLDR; queer, sad, and autistic. Overcome by grief, obsessed with an equally troubled cartoon horse.
Here is a silly thing from the Horseman himself:
everything is exhausting and overwhelming, and I have no idea what will make me happy or stable. I also have trouble keeping friends, though making them is slightly easier for me I guess. I’m always told I am too much my whole life. I was diagnosed with level 1 ASD (formerly known as Aspergers syndrome) when I was 25 yo back in November 2022. I am also bisexual (I guess?) and currently going through a 6.5 year break up with my ex girlfriend the past 6 mo. It is hard because she also helps me with my support needs. Since age 17 + I have lost my gma, uncle, mom, aunt, and most recently 5 mo ago my sister. It is not only hard to grieve but it’s hard to feel alone and not know how to drive and get around or live alone, always anxious and sad, etc. I have a lot of guilt of my past and fear of my future, but I try my best to remain present. I am in therapy, have been since 14. I still live with my ex and her family since I barley have anyone else. Her brother also has level 1 ASD (which was part of what tipped me off). I went to two professional female psychologists who specialize with autism spectrum for my assessments. It took about a month I guess. I also got diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD for sure as they were apparently observable and i’ve been diagnosed with them from the past too. I have other diagnosis i’ve accumulated since I was a child/teen, such as OCD, Bipolar disorder, and Borderline personality disorder. However, I am unsure what is misdiagnosed at this point due to no one assessing the autism until now (I heard this is common especially with woman/people of color on the spectrum being told their autistic traits are “behavioral issues”). Idk if doctors always know what they’re doing. Before all the passing of my family was a bunch of trauma from them as well. Trauma can make things a lot more confusing. Anyways, I will end with some of my special interests and hobbies. I like to read, write, draw, paint, sing, make music, and play guitar. I only express myself this way or by talking to my therapist or few close loved ones. Otherwise I will have meltdowns due to intense emotions or sensory overload (which I have pretty commonly anyways). I have been off psych meds for 3 yrs now. I am honestly unsure if I am better or worse. My memory is trash and that makes me sad. I feel like my head is full of hot air. Maybe I will try prozac again… idk.My special interests include -
video games (mainly pokémon tetris, disney dream light valley, and fortnite), cartoons and anime (adventure time, the amazing world of gumball, attack on titan, and bojack horseman). I like the 80s/90s/00s retro/nostalgia lore as well such as the cartoons, fashion, toys, or video games of those times. I am weirdly obsessed with old retail such as Kmart. I just stare at old 90s pictures of Kmart and they remind me of my grandma - the only person who knew me the deepest. I also enjoy researching psychology and autism (which is my major in college), horror movies and true crime, space, dinosaurs, and tech. I love to research and partake in these activities and topics when alone. They relieve stress and help with the fact that I don’t feel like I fit in with others around me (rather I do or not).
My current biggest fixation is pokémon, fortnite, and bojack horseman (as you can see by my profile picture lol). I relate to bojack a lot. Deep down inside he has a heart of gold, life just dealt him ****** cards.
Oh, and one last thing - I am currently 16 mo sober from 10 yrs of heavy marijuana use. I am so proud of myself for trying not to numb my problems. Anyways, I hope to make friends here. Online socializing has always been easier for me. Thanks for the long read.
TLDR; queer, sad, and autistic. Overcome by grief, obsessed with an equally troubled cartoon horse.
Here is a silly thing from the Horseman himself:
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