Hello, new to the forum and desperate for some consistency!

[Sypher37]

Hello,

I am a 33yo Male, from the UK, and i was diagnosed with AS back in 2012, 1 year after I started dating my now to be wife.

I have always known from a young age my way of thinking was different to others, and never really knew what i was dealing with.

I have also been diagnosed with Bipolar in 2015. I was on medication for BP however it made me quite suicidal so stopped them.

Things always go the same way for me, I tend to be the best version of myself, sometimes for months, sometimes weeks, or even days and then I just "slip".

I find life can be very overwhelming, I have a full time job, and 2 boys (5yo and 5 months). Stress is a major trigger for me, I cant deal with things and I tend to go into my own anti social bubble and completely ignoring things around me.

It drives me insane as I know how much it affects my wife when Im on a downer.

I tend to have a blank mind at times also, even the smallest task in life can feel like a major one, and thats all I can think of, despite how irrelevant it can be.

I still to this day dont know how to maintain a steady mind and more so a consistent mind. Im starting to realise now that I may never be able to do this and I have fully accepted that with my AS and Bipolar, living how I want to probably wont ever happen.

Has anyone developed any kind of skills that can help with remaining consistent?

 

[Outdated]

Hi and welcome to the forums. The problems you describe here affect many of us, and we all have to find slightly different solutions that suit ourselves. Mostly it's about learning to understand yourself better, and reading many of our stories should help you with that.

Things always go the same way for me, I tend to be the best version of myself, sometimes for months, sometimes weeks, or even days and then I just "slip".

This sounds like what many of us know as social burnout. We all have different limits of how much we can take. I can spend many hours talking to calm and collected people but some characters can burn me out in about 15 mins.

The trick is to recognise when this stress starts building up inside you and to take a rest from people. Let your energy reserves build back up before throwing yourself in to it again. Some here refer to this as their "social battery", I just tend to say that I'm all peopled out.

So read and ask questions about things that you can relate to. I hope you find this place as educational and helpful as I did.

 

[Sypher37]

Hi and welcome to the forums. The problems you describe here affect many of us, and we all have to find slightly different solutions that suit ourselves. Mostly it's about learning to understand yourself better, and reading many of our stories should help you with that.


This sounds like what many of us know as social burnout. We all have different limits of how much we can take. I can spend many hours talking to calm and collected people but some characters can burn me out in about 15 mins.

The trick is to recognise when this stress starts building up inside you and to take a rest from people. Let your energy reserves build back up before throwing yourself in to it again. Some here refer to this as their "social battery", I just tend to say that I'm all peopled out.

So read and ask questions about things that you can relate to. I hope you find this place as educational and helpful as I did.

Thank you. Yeah it does sound like that for sure, it’s like my brain is saying enough is enough and simply can’t deal with anything until all of a sudden a switch happens in my brain and I come round to my senses.

 

[Outdated]

With many of us it's from individuals in our workplaces that we get most of the problems. It doesn't make life easy. As I said above, recognising when the stress first starts to build up is the key, rest yourself before you burn out.

There is a high likelyhood of one or more of your children being autistic too so learning about this now will also help you be a better father.

 

[Rodafina]

Hello @Sypher37
Welcome to the forum, I am glad that you have found us. What you write about makes a lot of sense to me, and I daresay it will resonate with many of us. Learning the strategies takes some time and different things work for everybody. Definitely stick around on the forum and read as much as you can, and I think you will find your answers. We all work hard to support each other and for my part, I have learned so much here.

 

[Richelle-H]

Welcome to the forum. I am doubtful I can offer much help. You have so much to deal with that consistency is a high bar to reach. You have two boys under school age and that offers challenges that are foreign to me.

I was very late in getting diagnosed. As a child in school. I would get overwhelmed a few times a year and I would always fake an illness (once I found out that it kept me home from school) so that I could just take a mental health day or two. At some point my mother just went along with it without question (she was a Registered nurse so....). It always seemed to recharge me a bit so I could return to grim reality.

I carried this behavior into adult life, all the way up to my retirement, calling in sick two or three times a year for a day or two break from the gristmill of life.

It helps a great deal to have a bit of alone time or at the very least a break from the routine. Even with a family, I feel that is important.

My father had a regular bowling night at times. He went fishing on occasion. He was a good provider but I have concluded that he was on the spectrum as well, and he left the particulars of my three siblings and myself to our mother. I remember only interacting with him on family vacations. He coped by getting inebriated every night after work becoming a functional alcoholic until he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in his late 70s. He paid a huge price for his consistency.

What works for one of us may be of no use to another. We all stumble about trying to figure it out. I found my way to some peace and minimum stress well before my diagnosis.

Maybe time interacting on the forums can offer you a place to vent, to question, and possibly relate. I know that since registering here it has been a place of comfort and validation.

I wish you comfort and joy in life, and may you find your way to a place that feels consistent.

 

[tree]

 

[Human Avatar]

I know exactly what you are going through. My method is try to do my special interest as much as possible this seems to reset and regulate .
Try to get good sleep . Even if you are feeling shut down , take a small nap if you are feeling burn out /shut down mode on its way .

Minimize your socialization, and doing things with people when you feel overwhelmed .
The reality is having all those things in your life are going to break down your mental stability and stress becomes so hard to manage.

The key is regulating it . Communicate with your partner your needs , this could be a problem in its self . But as long as she is knowledgeable about autism and what you need it will be helpful.

Having a blank mind on a weekly basis due to life demands is something I have come to terms with . It’s just people around me who have a problem with it. This is due to their lack of education and understanding. Not my problem.

I Have the patterns of my autistic system figured out fairly well. Doesn’t make it easier for people it makes it easier for me.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Hello,

I am a 33yo Male, from the UK, and i was diagnosed with AS back in 2012, 1 year after I started dating my now to be wife.

I have always known from a young age my way of thinking was different to others, and never really knew what i was dealing with.

I have also been diagnosed with Bipolar in 2015. I was on medication for BP however it made me quite suicidal so stopped them.

Things always go the same way for me, I tend to be the best version of myself, sometimes for months, sometimes weeks, or even days and then I just "slip".

I find life can be very overwhelming, I have a full time job, and 2 boys (5yo and 5 months). Stress is a major trigger for me, I cant deal with things and I tend to go into my own anti social bubble and completely ignoring things around me.

It drives me insane as I know how much it affects my wife when Im on a downer.

I tend to have a blank mind at times also, even the smallest task in life can feel like a major one, and thats all I can think of, despite how irrelevant it can be.

I still to this day dont know how to maintain a steady mind and more so a consistent mind. Im starting to realise now that I may never be able to do this and I have fully accepted that with my AS and Bipolar, living how I want to probably wont ever happen.

Has anyone developed any kind of skills that can help with remaining consistent?

Self-awareness and meditation.

Autism is one of the low dopamine neurological conditions. At least 3 different genetic variants of this within the autistic community. Some mild, some severe. It sucks.

The bottom-line is that you can't fall into that trap of allowing how you feel affect your actions. No easy task when you're on "a downer".

Now, your wife can act as a "life coach" here, but in practice, it often seems to be interpreted by you as "bitching", "riding your behind", and making you feel angry and further depressed. The more the stress builds from her prodding you, the more likely a fight is going to start. The reality is that your wife doesn't want to do any of that any more than you want her to do it. So, it's on you to "light that fire under your own butt" and get on with life.

You have to recognize when you are in, or just before, that depressed phase. Then, you have to get yourself into the habit of rejecting your mood, and focusing upon your tasks, responsibilities (financial, family, yourself), your purpose in life, while forcing yourself to be in a positive demeanor. This is where taking about 10 minutes at the beginning of the day to just meditate on what are your goals for the day, why you are doing it, etc. Basically, training your brain to overcome how you feel with logic and reason. I had a time in my life where I made a series of flash cards that I repeated to myself every morning and evening. Repeat, repeat, repeat until habit is formed. A variant of self-hypnosis, if you will. Emotions are, for most people, a more powerful influencer of what we say and do than the logical brain. It's a challenge. It's about exercising the disciplined mind, self-control, etc.

 

[Kisa the tea]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

 

[Alexej]

Hi and Welcome @Sypher37

There are few Brits in here, so do make yourself at home.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome!

I don't have too much to add other than that I find it helpful to get some alone time, and between a full time job, young children, a spouse, and whatever other commitments you may have that require your attention, you may also wish to try to develop a support network so that if you need a time out or someone to talk to, that you can get that, to try to minimize stressful situations turning into burnouts.

 

[Sypher37]

Self-awareness and meditation.

Autism is one of the low dopamine neurological conditions. At least 3 different genetic variants of this within the autistic community. Some mild, some severe. It sucks.

The bottom-line is that you can't fall into that trap of allowing how you feel affect your actions. No easy task when you're on "a downer".

Now, your wife can act as a "life coach" here, but in practice, it often seems to be interpreted by you as "bitching", "riding your behind", and making you feel angry and further depressed. The more the stress builds from her prodding you, the more likely a fight is going to start. The reality is that your wife doesn't want to do any of that any more than you want her to do it. So, it's on you to "light that fire under your own butt" and get on with life.

You have to recognize when you are in, or just before, that depressed phase. Then, you have to get yourself into the habit of rejecting your mood, and focusing upon your tasks, responsibilities (financial, family, yourself), your purpose in life, while forcing yourself to be in a positive demeanor. This is where taking about 10 minutes at the beginning of the day to just meditate on what are your goals for the day, why you are doing it, etc. Basically, training your brain to overcome how you feel with logic and reason. I had a time in my life where I made a series of flash cards that I repeated to myself every morning and evening. Repeat, repeat, repeat until habit is formed. A variant of self-hypnosis, if you will. Emotions are, for most people, a more powerful influencer of what we say and do than the logical brain. It's a challenge. It's about exercising the disciplined mind, self-control, etc.

Very logical response. Thank you. I am going to give the flashcards a go and see where it gets me. I know I need to build habits, and I know they dont come over night, however, I am feeling positive about building something to stop going into such a depressive mood. Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

I can spend many hours talking to calm and collected people but some characters can burn me out in about 15 mins.

clears throat ahem, I recognize this with myself and my parents.

 

[Nitro]