Hello! New to this site

[SocOfAutism]

Hello! Some of my Wrong Planet friends told me I should check out this forum!

I am a neurotypical sociologist. My husband is an aspie, and many of my friends, family and mentors are on the autism spectrum.

I am a critical autism scholar, which means I view autistics as a social minority, similar to race and gender minorities. Autistic people help me to understand symbolic interactionism, which is the study of social interactions and their meanings. I am currently doing a study about autistic workers who may or may not have disclosed their autism status at work and may or may not have received formal or informal accommodations. My next project may have to do with autistic people passing as non autistic, or with autistic identity.

My main purposes for joining Aspie Central are to get new ideas by listening to autistic contributors and bouncing what I'm doing off of new friends here before as I try to move forward with research.

Thank you for having me!

 

[Harrison]

Hi, and welcome to AC.

Always good to have NTs aboard, you'll find a lot of helpful people around here.

Have fun

 

[Progster]

Hi, welcome to the forum I'm sure members here will be glad to answer your questions and give you feedback for ideas.

 

[SocOfAutism]

Thanks Harrison and Progster!

 

[Beverly]

Hello SocOfAutism, welcome to AC. I have built my career passing as NT, a rather public career as a musician - both a songwriter and a performer. Please don't hesitate to ask questions, if it helps further the understanding of ASD, I'm more than happy to help.

 

[SocOfAutism]

Hello SocOfAutism, welcome to AC. I have built my career passing as NT, a rather public career as a musician - both a songwriter and a performer. Please don't hesitate to ask questions, if it helps further the understanding of ASD, I'm more than happy to help.

Hello Beverly! I have been reading about passing in other minority populations, as I can't find anything about autistic passing. It seems as though people who pass experience a lot of exhaustion and loneliness from having to keep up appearances. It seems to be worse if they don't have private time to take off the mask, so to speak. Would you say this has been the case when you have to pass as neurotypical?

 

[Beverly]

Hello Beverly! I have been reading about passing in other minority populations, as I can't find anything about autistic passing. It seems as though people who pass experience a lot of exhaustion and loneliness from having to keep up appearances. It seems to be worse if they don't have private time to take off the mask, so to speak. Would you say this has been the case when you have to pass as neurotypical?

Not so much the loneliness for me. I do have some amazing friends and, a wonderful husband who understand what I do in the name of social propriety and, success. My husband and some of my friends are NT but, my closest friends are also on the spectrum and, use the same facades, as I call the masks we wear that allow us to pass.

It is exhausting but I think you will see the same exhaustion in any prominent public personality, it isn't ASD specific in the world of media and entertainment.

What is crucial, and I think more so as an Aspie, is to have down time where I can be surrounded by friends and family that understand and, allow me to be myself, no matter how clumsy, sloppily dressed and verbally careless I am. I can never allow any of that relaxed carelessness to seep into my public life. Nobody likes or admires a rude slob which , without the facade I pretty much am most of the time. [okay not that bad, a bit of self deprecating humor there but, you get the idea.]

I wouldn't have been able to thrive as I have in my chosen career if I had to do it alone, without a stable support network I could turn to and relax with in my down time. For all of out love of doing thing alone, on our own, we are still human and, still social creatures - we need a social network and, the grander and better the facades we use to pass, the more we need that network during our "off stage" time.

I also need my alone time to process, reflect and be introspective. Time to remember who I am without the facade. Time to find the good in myself without someone else pointing out what they perceive as good in me. If I couldn't find any good in myself on my own, my self esteem would land in the toilet in short order and, that's one of the things most of us struggle with anyway. believing what other tell you is good but, if it doesn't ring true when you are alone and can't hear it anymore, it won't last. You've got to know who you are and, what is so great about yourself independent of any outside influence to really be able to hold on to your self esteem and, I need alone time to focus on the real me, and see what is good, bad, what has changed, what I should change, etc...

The exhaustion is a big part of why I left the spotlight eight years ago. it was taking a toll on my mental and physical health that I was not willing to pay - I needed to take a very long sabbatical. I've seen the results of failing to recognize when it's too much and, I don't want that to be me. Still I'm not done with it yet but, the redux I've already begun is best left for another topic and, a later time when I have more to tell.

Had I chosen a different career, one that didn't introduce me to the people I have in my life, I doubt I could pass as well as I can, and I know it would have taken an even greater toll on me sooner. If I had to live at home, with my birth family and, didn't have my alone time, I'd never have found myself and, never have found all of the good things in this shell I call me that are worth being happy about and, worth being proud of. I need both people and alone time when I can drop the facades and just be myself, take either from me and, I fail across the board.

 

[Tom]

the mask takes energy and brain resources to maintain. and besides the effort extended, there are also things being shorted.

if forced to wear the mask too long you won't have to take it off, it will naturally begin to crumble.

one handing it here... puppy in lap means no caps

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard

 

[NaomiJ]

Hi! I'm an autistic sociologist. I spoke about disability and passing at a conference recently, where my friend talked about autism and passing. It's starting to be talked about.

 

[SocOfAutism]

Really? Is your friend publishing yet? I would love to know more!

 

[NaomiJ]

It's not her key area, just a side project that she's working on I think. We're co-writing a piece on autism and academia at the moment, I can link to that here when it's done.