BlueConundrum
Active Member
Long time lurker, first time poster.
I'm a 36-year-old woman and I am fairly certain that I have Asperger's Syndrome. I have not been officially diagnosed. I mentioned it to an MD, who said that I "make good eye contact" and that it was unlikely, and a therapist actually laughed when I brought it up as though my suggestion were ludicrous.
My suspicions haven't come out of nowhere, though. When I look back on my childhood, I wonder why my parents didn't put me in some kind of treatment when I was a small child.
I never had childhood friends. I read a lot about childhood bullying (I was a victim for years despite changing schools frequently), and when I look back I realize that I was bad at understanding how to act with other children. There were times when I would try to be funny, but I was just being annoying. I thought that the annoyed person was having fun. I really, truly only realized this very recently. It only took me 20 or 30 years to figure out.
I was also very quiet and had episodes of selective mutism. At age 15, I started having episodes of severe depression that resulted in catatonic states.
I also had trouble in most working environments. I would get overwhelmed and walk off of a job. I just couldn't handle it. I absolutely cannot work with the public. It is impossible. I can work with people I know, but not an unpredictable stream of people. Actually, at the moment, I couldn't even work with people I know.
My 20s were very unstable. I have a college degree, but I couldn't get jobs. I was struggling and poor. I went to graduate school and I got a Master's degree, but I struggled with that, too. Frankly, I don't know how I managed. It's probably not a coincidence that less than one month after I finished grad school, I had a complete physical and mental breakdown and ended up on disability. It has been almost six years and I haven't worked since.
I was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, PTSD, dysthymia, and Major Depressive Disorder (the last two combined were called "double depression").
I have led a mostly solitary life. I have no friends and I rarely talk to anyone. I have never dated anyone. I have been on three dates, and the second two were 17 years apart. This does not bother me in and of itself, but people think it's "weird" so it's a fact that I hide. I don't care, but I don't want people to freak out and act like I'm a mutant.
My parents were 44 when I was born, which I have read increases the likelihood of autism spectrum children. This is another "weird" thing I hate telling people because the reactions I get make me uncomfortable. It's more common nowadays, but I was born in 1978 and people often made fun of me for having old parents. My mother died long ago and my father and I are estranged. I don't know my extended family. I have a brother, but we are also estranged. Before anyone suggests it, I want to say that there is zero chance of reconciliation.
I have had a few close friends. I have made connections with some people. Unfortunately, those friendships are gone either due to death or they stopped speaking to me for reasons I never understood.
I do tend to have obsessive interests, though the interests do change. I'm currently obsessed with video games. My previous obsessions include pet rats, bicycles, unidentified dead people (yes, I know that's weird), crochet, Spanish, and logic puzzles. I will sometimes get obsessed with a very specific genre and era of books or music (1940s crime novels, 1970s British punk, etc).
I get very overwhelmed with noise and with people talking. It's very stressful for me to be around someone who talks a lot. Certain noises (like plastic bags crinkling or the sound of silverware hitting a plate) are immensely disturbing to me. I find all social interactions draining. It's become worse since my breakdown several years ago. I never recovered from that.
I also have synethesia. I know that not everything I've mentioned is necessarily an Asperger's thing, but I think it's all part of a big picture.
Anyway, I wanted to introduce myself. I'm sure that other people have asked questions about how to get a diagnosis, so if anyone could direct me towards any suggestions, that would be great. Apparently, I frequently fool people into thinking I'm neurotypical. I once had a psychologist accuse me of faking my very long history of depression!
I'm a 36-year-old woman and I am fairly certain that I have Asperger's Syndrome. I have not been officially diagnosed. I mentioned it to an MD, who said that I "make good eye contact" and that it was unlikely, and a therapist actually laughed when I brought it up as though my suggestion were ludicrous.
My suspicions haven't come out of nowhere, though. When I look back on my childhood, I wonder why my parents didn't put me in some kind of treatment when I was a small child.
I never had childhood friends. I read a lot about childhood bullying (I was a victim for years despite changing schools frequently), and when I look back I realize that I was bad at understanding how to act with other children. There were times when I would try to be funny, but I was just being annoying. I thought that the annoyed person was having fun. I really, truly only realized this very recently. It only took me 20 or 30 years to figure out.
I was also very quiet and had episodes of selective mutism. At age 15, I started having episodes of severe depression that resulted in catatonic states.
I also had trouble in most working environments. I would get overwhelmed and walk off of a job. I just couldn't handle it. I absolutely cannot work with the public. It is impossible. I can work with people I know, but not an unpredictable stream of people. Actually, at the moment, I couldn't even work with people I know.
My 20s were very unstable. I have a college degree, but I couldn't get jobs. I was struggling and poor. I went to graduate school and I got a Master's degree, but I struggled with that, too. Frankly, I don't know how I managed. It's probably not a coincidence that less than one month after I finished grad school, I had a complete physical and mental breakdown and ended up on disability. It has been almost six years and I haven't worked since.
I was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, PTSD, dysthymia, and Major Depressive Disorder (the last two combined were called "double depression").
I have led a mostly solitary life. I have no friends and I rarely talk to anyone. I have never dated anyone. I have been on three dates, and the second two were 17 years apart. This does not bother me in and of itself, but people think it's "weird" so it's a fact that I hide. I don't care, but I don't want people to freak out and act like I'm a mutant.
My parents were 44 when I was born, which I have read increases the likelihood of autism spectrum children. This is another "weird" thing I hate telling people because the reactions I get make me uncomfortable. It's more common nowadays, but I was born in 1978 and people often made fun of me for having old parents. My mother died long ago and my father and I are estranged. I don't know my extended family. I have a brother, but we are also estranged. Before anyone suggests it, I want to say that there is zero chance of reconciliation.
I have had a few close friends. I have made connections with some people. Unfortunately, those friendships are gone either due to death or they stopped speaking to me for reasons I never understood.
I do tend to have obsessive interests, though the interests do change. I'm currently obsessed with video games. My previous obsessions include pet rats, bicycles, unidentified dead people (yes, I know that's weird), crochet, Spanish, and logic puzzles. I will sometimes get obsessed with a very specific genre and era of books or music (1940s crime novels, 1970s British punk, etc).
I get very overwhelmed with noise and with people talking. It's very stressful for me to be around someone who talks a lot. Certain noises (like plastic bags crinkling or the sound of silverware hitting a plate) are immensely disturbing to me. I find all social interactions draining. It's become worse since my breakdown several years ago. I never recovered from that.
I also have synethesia. I know that not everything I've mentioned is necessarily an Asperger's thing, but I think it's all part of a big picture.
Anyway, I wanted to introduce myself. I'm sure that other people have asked questions about how to get a diagnosis, so if anyone could direct me towards any suggestions, that would be great. Apparently, I frequently fool people into thinking I'm neurotypical. I once had a psychologist accuse me of faking my very long history of depression!
