Hello! Please tell me if this sounds like Aspergers!

[Jamie Lee]

Hello all!
I am new to this site and after at least 5 hours a day of research (sometimes 12) on Asperger's, I have realized I probably have this. I would just like some feedback from people who are experienced in this area to provide me with some insight. I don't want to over-exaggerate my reasoning, so I will be as honest as possible. I tend to be a hypochondriac, but after taking so many tests and thinking back on my life, this seems to be the simplest explanation for why I am the way I am.

1) Everyone always tells me I am different, unique, have an unusual/interesting perspective, am in my own world, or are just utterly perplexed at me as a person. There are very few people who seem to understand my thought process, and those people I am convinced are probably on the spectrum as well.

2) I have sensory overload, but not enough that I ever questioned what is was. I do not like fluorescent lights, motorcycle or other loud vehicles, or loud noises in very quiet environments. I don't know if I would venture to say I dislike these things more than the typical person. I think everyone does not enjoy a loud motorcycle driving by them. It definitely puts me on edge though. I also hate crowded hallways and people talking loudly, so high school was a nightmare. I would go walk around the building during class time to just be alone. Specifically, I would go seek out stairwells with windows to get exposure to natural lighting. The fluorescent lights all day drove me bonkers.

3) I slept through all my classes because learning from a teacher by just listening was impossible for me. Some classes held my attention enough because I was interested in the topic, but most were so dull that I would always just pass out. Thinking back, it seems I had so much sensory overload and was so stressed that it wore me out. I would sleep because I was so tired and couldn't gain any information from listening to the teacher. Most of their words sounded like jibberish. I had to learn on my own at my own pace. I am very intelligent, don't get me wrong, but I just can't listen and learn.

4) Another reason learning, conversations, and life are hard is because I get so fixated on details. I remember being in gym class and I could never listen to the explanation of games because I was so intently focused on my teacher's shoes. The way the soles of tennis shoes squish with each step and then regain their natural form as the foot raises from the ground entranced me. It's these kinds of observations that made me unable to focus, ever. I have gotten better as I have gotten older, but sometimes it still is there.

5) I cannot look people in the eye when speaking to them. When they are talking, I am able to, but when I am talking I instinctively look away. I can occasionally flicker to them and hold their gaze, but the majority of the time is spent with my eyes looking upward and to the right or left. When I am extremely comfortable with the person I am able to make nearly normal eye contact. This has to be family, my best friend, or roommates I know really well. Also, the more comfortable I am with a subject, the easier it is.

6) I have obsessions and I neglect necessary activities to pursue them. They include conspiracy theories, nirvana, pink floyd, modest mouse, movies, web MD. These seem like normal interests but I take them to a whole different level. For the music I will listen to the same cd for months on repeat to analyze every beat, intonation, and meaning behind every word. I know the entire albums by heart. I read kurt cobains biography, listened to all the unpublished songs, own a documentary about his life, watched Nirvana Unplugged endlessly, and at one point planned on dropping out of school to move to Seattle. That's the worst I got with a band, but the other obsessions are pretty similar.

7) Don't have many stimming things but I did used to like spinning in computer chairs when I was younger. I wouldn't do this all day every day but occasionally I would. I liked to spin with my chair on the seat or spin sitting up while tilting my head from side to side. I grind my teeth and always have. I touch my face a lot or rub my neck (this is new) I just had a guy ask if something was wrong because it looked like I was choking myself I guess.

There are so many more things but I also want to say that I am a successful college student studying biochemistry and in a sorority. I have been able to be in this kind of environment and do well, but everyday has honestly been such a struggle. From just striking up a random conversation to fully comprehending what the hell is going on around me, it has been a thorough effort daily. I have managed though and I am graduating in May. I have a decent amount of friends, although I never really see or hang out with anyone besides on the weekend. I talk to people in my classes and held an internship this summer (although it was extremely extremely stressful on me). Anyways, I am sorry this is so long. Also, I love comedy. I know it says people with Aspergers do not like jokes, comedy, or get sarcasm. I get sarcasm, but I just can never tell if there is an underlying truth to it. My mantra has and forever always will be "People say what they mean" and no one ever says anything that does not at some level come from a place of truth. Sorry to ramble again! Okay I am leaving now, thank you!

 

[Ereth]

I know it says people with Aspergers do not like jokes, comedy, or get sarcasm. I get sarcasm, but I just can never tell if there is an underlying truth to it.

I wouldn't say that's true. We're all different. We might have trouble understanding jokes or sarcasm, but that's a different issue.

If you want to know if you have ASD with maximum certainty, then I suggest seeking a professional opinion. Self-diagnosis can be helpful, but only in a limited way.

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome Jamie

Ereth is right; it's hard for us to diagnose you, as AS is quite complex, and has many variables, and there are other possibilities to consider. If you do want to further investigate before committing to a formal diagnoses though, we can help you in other ways best we can.

You'll find that information on AS can vary, and can either be generalised, and apply to only some, or may only apply to extreme cases, or even apply more to men (as you'll find that women on the spectrum present differently to men).

If, and when, you decide to get a diagnoses, keep this in mind, as appointments can be expensive. It's best to ask your specialist prior to the appointment if they are specialised in diagnosing Asperger's; more particularly in women (as there are some specialists who may struggle with this, or do not believe that it is common for women on the spectrum to have AS at all).

I recommend joining various conversations, so that you can compare yourself to others on the spectrum, and also checking out our resources section, for books on AS: Resources | AspiesCentral.com

This book is particularly good for women on the spectrum, as it explains the differences between men and women on the spectrum, and is a good social survival guide too:
Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com

You've probably already come across Dr. Tony Attwood, but if not, I recommend looking him up, as he's a world renown expert: Home

 

[Ste11aeres]

While we're not professionals here (although not every professional actually knows very much about or understands Aspergers/autism), I would agree that it does sound very much like Aspergers.

 

[Jamie Lee]

I want to make it clear that I do not want to get diagnosed here because I understand a diagnosis can only come from a professional. I would just like some insight from the people who know this syndrome best, the people who live with it daily, to tell me if this sounds similar to what they have experienced. It's difficult to gain the confidence to seek a diagnosis when I know I outwardly appear as though I am neurotypical. Those who know me best have been supportive and see the signs but those who only see the surface of me have laughed at my suspicions and think I am a loon. I am a little scared to seek a professional opinion because they will probably see me as wasting their time. If these things I have discussed above seem like Asperger's to those who have it, it might build up the confidence I need to actually pursue this.

 

[Randomperson]

I utterly disdain deception, but I am a fan of sarcasm. That is to say even among the spectrum no 2 individuals are identical. Even NT people are seldom full clones of other NT people. If it bothers you, go ahead and seek a full diagnosis, if it does not bother you and you feel your life is in a good place do not worry about it.

Also, head shrink doctors do not mind you wasting their time at all, they bill you by the hour.

 

[Judge]

I want to make it clear that I do not want to get diagnosed here because I understand a diagnosis can only come from a professional. I would just like some insight from the people who know this syndrome best, the people who live with it daily, to tell me if this sounds similar to what they have experienced. It's difficult to gain the confidence to seek a diagnosis when I know I outwardly appear as though I am neurotypical. Those who know me best have been supportive and see the signs but those who only see the surface of me have laughed at my suspicions and think I am a loon. I am a little scared to seek a professional opinion because they will probably see me as wasting their time. If these things I have discussed above seem like Asperger's to those who have it, it might build up the confidence I need to actually pursue this.

I think you certainly have cause to investigate the matter much further. I'm self-diagnosed (many of us here are) and can appreciate your being somewhat apprehensive about a formal diagnosis. I know if the time comes when I seek as such, it will be expensive and involve at the very least is an MD specializing in psychiatry or neurology.

When I first began to ponder the possibility I was skeptical about it. Even found myself in denial somewhat as all the pieces fell into place. But there were simply too many of them for me to ignore.

I have been professionally diagnosed in the past with chronic clinical depression and OCD. Which is often comorbid to ASD.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I want to make it clear that I do not want to get diagnosed here because I understand a diagnosis can only come from a professional. I would just like some insight from the people who know this syndrome best, the people who live with it daily, to tell me if this sounds similar to what they have experienced. It's difficult to gain the confidence to seek a diagnosis when I know I outwardly appear as though I am neurotypical. Those who know me best have been supportive and see the signs but those who only see the surface of me have laughed at my suspicions and think I am a loon. I am a little scared to seek a professional opinion because they will probably see me as wasting their time. If these things I have discussed above seem like Asperger's to those who have it, it might build up the confidence I need to actually pursue this.

Well, the things you describe definitely sound like Aspergers. And you are not just describing one possible symptom of Aspergers, you are describing many.

 

[Vanilla]

I want to make it clear that I do not want to get diagnosed here because I understand a diagnosis can only come from a professional. I would just like some insight from the people who know this syndrome best, the people who live with it daily, to tell me if this sounds similar to what they have experienced. It's difficult to gain the confidence to seek a diagnosis when I know I outwardly appear as though I am neurotypical. Those who know me best have been supportive and see the signs but those who only see the surface of me have laughed at my suspicions and think I am a loon. I am a little scared to seek a professional opinion because they will probably see me as wasting their time. If these things I have discussed above seem like Asperger's to those who have it, it might build up the confidence I need to actually pursue this.

Yes, those traits do sound quite typical. If you feel that your symptoms are clearer to yourself, than to others, try looking up "females with Asperger's" on google. This was an issue that I, and several other women, have run in to when trying to understand it all. The reason for this is that there tends to be two general types of mind sets we can take, when we first realise that there's something different about us (even if we aren't sure what that difference is, or why). We can either decide our differences don't matter, and we can be perceived as "odd", or we can try to fit in better, by mimicking others, otherwise known as becoming a "chameleon". The latter is more common for women on the spectrum. The reason people may struggle to see what we're talking about, is because we've disguised our "oddness" so well all these years.

 

[SyAn]

Hi Jamie Lee, welcome to our community. Sounds like you fit right in here; have fun getting to know yourself and us

 

[AmazonQueen21]

I know it says people with Aspergers do not like jokes, comedy, or get sarcasm. I get sarcasm, but I just can never tell if there is an underlying truth to it

That's certainly not true, I've got Aspergers but my main obsession is comedy.

 

[Poppet]

I self diagnosed for around a year or so before I finally had the ability (and the push) to get the professional diagnosis. I say, it sounds like it's worth looking into further. I have a lot in common with you, as I'm sure a lot of us do.
Be careful to do your research and not jump head first into getting a diagnosis. Not all docs are qualified for this (as it's very misunderstood) and it's NOT CHEAP (at least not here in the states). Do your research, find a good doc, and take your time. I thought this site/book was a great resource. Made me less nervous about the process of getting a diagnosis... Although it was still kind of terrifying in it's own way!

Of course self-diagnosis is fine too if you aren't interested in the professional diagnosis. I would have been fine with self-diagnosing if it wasn't for the fact that I know my family and I knew they wouldn't take it seriously unless it came from a professional... :/ Plus I wanted help if I decide to go back to school at some point...

Good luck!

P.S. I lovvve Modest Mouse, and Pink Floyd! Do you like Ugly Casanova, too? Now that's a beautiful album... Their lyrics are stunning.