Mark August
Member
Hello. New to the board. I'm a 54 yr. Old Male, and while not diagnosed, I suspect I have some Aspie traits. If I have aspergers, I think I must be a high functioning one, or something. I'll give some scenarios & thoughts and would appreciate feedback.
My entire life I've felt like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. Struggle with irritability & depression. Very shy growing up. Difficulty making friends and have had many awkward social moments I've been diagnosed with stage 1, central sleep apnea, but when I attended a recent Aspie meeting, the moderator mentioned difficulty getting to sleep and I thought, boy, is that me in a big way. My mind is always going 800mph. When doctor asked me why I stopped breathing, I told him that I couldn't hear myself think while breathing. He said he'd never heard that one before. Also, don't enjoy or see the purpose in small talk. Seems like a waste of time. I feel like my openness scares people. My opinion is that most people in the world wear a mask, and seem to put a lot of effort into trying to fool the world into thinking they are someone or something they are not. That seems disingenuous to me and a huge waste of time. However, being totally open and honest seems to scare people and hence they avoid you and treat you like an outcast. So, I'm very lonely, wanting friends, but not really sure how to make them. Relationships are a minefield strewn with questions along each step of the path designed to weed out the misfits. And I'm real adept at finding them. I've told people my natural gift seems to be pissing people off, but its not my intention. And yet, I'm despised by many and avoided by others. I can't figure out if I'm a bit paranoid, or extremely acute at picking up on facial expressions & body language. When I'm at the store and the checkout person asks, how are you?, one response I give is you don't really care, or I'll bet you say that to all the customers. So part of me thinks they are the weird ones. Actors in a play, taking on characters they choose to be seen as. One time in college, I was introduced to a girl named, Barry. My response was, how'd you get stuck with a name like that. Gasps were in Abundance after that little piece of blunt honesty. They saw it as rude though, but I didn't really think I was being rude, just honest. I've learned, over time to try to think about the impact my words will have but that's pretty draining, having to be so on-guard all the time. I figure it's just easier to isolate myself, then I don't have to worry about offending anyone. I actually enjoy one on one conversations about meaningful things but getting someone into one of them is very rare, it seems. My wife has her own issues where she can't seem to get past factual info, like talking about work day. So again, no connection there, with the one I'd really like a connection with. I wonder how 2 aspies would get along? Is it instant connection, or a train wreck. Anyway typing this on my phone and getting tired. Any symptoms and/or links would also be appreciated.
My entire life I've felt like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. Struggle with irritability & depression. Very shy growing up. Difficulty making friends and have had many awkward social moments I've been diagnosed with stage 1, central sleep apnea, but when I attended a recent Aspie meeting, the moderator mentioned difficulty getting to sleep and I thought, boy, is that me in a big way. My mind is always going 800mph. When doctor asked me why I stopped breathing, I told him that I couldn't hear myself think while breathing. He said he'd never heard that one before. Also, don't enjoy or see the purpose in small talk. Seems like a waste of time. I feel like my openness scares people. My opinion is that most people in the world wear a mask, and seem to put a lot of effort into trying to fool the world into thinking they are someone or something they are not. That seems disingenuous to me and a huge waste of time. However, being totally open and honest seems to scare people and hence they avoid you and treat you like an outcast. So, I'm very lonely, wanting friends, but not really sure how to make them. Relationships are a minefield strewn with questions along each step of the path designed to weed out the misfits. And I'm real adept at finding them. I've told people my natural gift seems to be pissing people off, but its not my intention. And yet, I'm despised by many and avoided by others. I can't figure out if I'm a bit paranoid, or extremely acute at picking up on facial expressions & body language. When I'm at the store and the checkout person asks, how are you?, one response I give is you don't really care, or I'll bet you say that to all the customers. So part of me thinks they are the weird ones. Actors in a play, taking on characters they choose to be seen as. One time in college, I was introduced to a girl named, Barry. My response was, how'd you get stuck with a name like that. Gasps were in Abundance after that little piece of blunt honesty. They saw it as rude though, but I didn't really think I was being rude, just honest. I've learned, over time to try to think about the impact my words will have but that's pretty draining, having to be so on-guard all the time. I figure it's just easier to isolate myself, then I don't have to worry about offending anyone. I actually enjoy one on one conversations about meaningful things but getting someone into one of them is very rare, it seems. My wife has her own issues where she can't seem to get past factual info, like talking about work day. So again, no connection there, with the one I'd really like a connection with. I wonder how 2 aspies would get along? Is it instant connection, or a train wreck. Anyway typing this on my phone and getting tired. Any symptoms and/or links would also be appreciated.
