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hello
- Thread starter mamagoth
- Start date
Hey there Lucy and welcome aboard to Aspies Central forums, well as you may know this place seems to be the right place for these kind of information and most of the members either are on the spectrum or their friends/family are on there and the amount of things people learn here is unbelievable, so you will hopefully get some knowledge here.
In what way is it difficult?
Its hard because we were friends in high school, and although I thought he was a bit odd, I didnt think much of it. We went to the same college and started dating. Six months afterward, I got pregnant. His father was a methodist minister and basically forced us into getting married. I agreed because I thought it would be best. However, I didnt know what Aspergers disorder was, and to be honest, when we didnt have kids it didnt effect me.
Now, its been three years of marriage and we have two children. Although I have been researching Aspergers, its hard for me to cope, especially since he also has bipolar disorder. He comes off as extremely lazy. I know that I didnt have these children on my own, so I expect some amount of help with them. I dont expect him to know what to do on his own. However, if I have been with the kids all day and I ask him to change one lousy diaper, he throws a fit. He also doesnt ever want to give me a break from the kids.
If I ask him to take the kids for an hour or so so that I can go for a walk by myself, he has a fit. He doesnt know how to handle the kids despite the almost 2 1/2 years we have had our daughter. I tell him that spanking a two year old is wrong and that I do not like it. I tell him to say rebekah that is bad, or please dont do that and stick her in the corner. However, he takes the lazy way out and spanks her, and often leaves marks on her. One time, she threw a doll at him, so he threw it back real hard and it hit her in the back and made a big mark.
Other things that he does to discipline her is (knowing full well she is afraid of the dark just like he was, she also has aspergers) he will turn all the lights out in her room and turn the tv off so it is pitch dark and leave her there.) She is two and I have told him numerous times I do not like what he is doing. He did it just last night and I ask him why he does that and he just glares at me like he is doing nothing wrong.
We also have a dog and a cat together. He says that since I wanted it (and have had the cat 6 years) that he doesnt have to do anything with them or help me with them since they are not is. He will not take the dog out or feed the cat at all. If the dog has a mess on the floor while I am breastfeeding our seven month old, he will say he is not picking it up and just leave it there. I have to clean up all his messes, yet he wont help out with the kids or animals?
He is also a slob. When I tell him I do not like him leaving his clothes in a huge pile in the living room, or often times all over it...he gets pissy. He tells me he wants them there, despite the laundry room being ten feet away. This also applies to the twenty some pocket items he insists on carrying with him "just in case" like a lighter (he doesn't smoke) car punch, knife, bottle opener, can opener, ect.
One of the biggest annoyances is War-hammer 40K. He plays the video games, and those stupid miniatures and wants to spend $600 on the convention this summer. I agreed to let him to to the convention because I am going to a concert in August for my fave band Great Big Sea. My concert is $200 for tickets, gas, food and souvnirs. I just cant see spending $600 on costumes, and everything. Its just ridiculous. Its not even the convention that bothers me. Its the amount of energy that he spends talking about it. EVery day its blah blah blah warhammer. And he will not shut up about it even if I tell him Im not interested. Even that wouldnt bother me! Its that when I try to get him to remember something important, he cannot. He tells me has has a learning disability. Yet he can remember every damn detail about warhammer 40K? It just doesnt make sense.
And yet, even that wouldnt bother me. Its the fact that he will never have a career outside of walmart. He has not drive to do anything but be a "supervisor at walmart" yet he constantly late, and his department is constantly getting bad reviews. He also is very slow at his job, which makes the other supervisors not want to promote him.
He did take the corrections officer test, and passed. However, once he got the passing grade, he just abandoned it. He refused to get out and exercise because he is over weight. So he just decided not to do it. Also, he was in college for criminal justice and dropped out. So now when I ask him what he wants to do for a job, its either black smithing, alchemy , or starting a business like "asshat industries" where he makes hats with bottoms on them. Or mints that say "condom-mints, death mints, ect like puns on them. It is so frustrating because I dont see him doing any of these things for the rest of his life, or ever making any money from them. Which is what people need to raise a family.
He knows that I am going to college for history. I am doing it online because I cant afford daycare, and I DO NOT want to leave the kids with him for fear of what might happen. Also, Im nursing my infant every two hours. So Its not conducive to getting a job or going to traditional college. So when its time for me to get on the computer to do my homework, he just lets the kids scream all around me and doesnt help keep them occupied for the two hours Im alloted for it. Then he screams at me to "GET A JOB!" when I try talking to him about his career options.
Its all just one big vicious cycle where I end up hating his guts and he tells me Im "abusing him". Even if we get to the point where we are not arguing. I go to snuggle him, or pet his hair and he yells at me and tells me "Im hurting him" then it just gets me annoyed.
What do I do? Most of the time I just dont want to be with him anymore. Then when I try to tell him Im not happy he says hes going to commit suicide or take the kids from me. I do love him, but Im just sick of it all. No amount of knowing how aspergers works will make me happy.
Now, its been three years of marriage and we have two children. Although I have been researching Aspergers, its hard for me to cope, especially since he also has bipolar disorder. He comes off as extremely lazy. I know that I didnt have these children on my own, so I expect some amount of help with them. I dont expect him to know what to do on his own. However, if I have been with the kids all day and I ask him to change one lousy diaper, he throws a fit. He also doesnt ever want to give me a break from the kids.
If I ask him to take the kids for an hour or so so that I can go for a walk by myself, he has a fit. He doesnt know how to handle the kids despite the almost 2 1/2 years we have had our daughter. I tell him that spanking a two year old is wrong and that I do not like it. I tell him to say rebekah that is bad, or please dont do that and stick her in the corner. However, he takes the lazy way out and spanks her, and often leaves marks on her. One time, she threw a doll at him, so he threw it back real hard and it hit her in the back and made a big mark.
Other things that he does to discipline her is (knowing full well she is afraid of the dark just like he was, she also has aspergers) he will turn all the lights out in her room and turn the tv off so it is pitch dark and leave her there.) She is two and I have told him numerous times I do not like what he is doing. He did it just last night and I ask him why he does that and he just glares at me like he is doing nothing wrong.
We also have a dog and a cat together. He says that since I wanted it (and have had the cat 6 years) that he doesnt have to do anything with them or help me with them since they are not is. He will not take the dog out or feed the cat at all. If the dog has a mess on the floor while I am breastfeeding our seven month old, he will say he is not picking it up and just leave it there. I have to clean up all his messes, yet he wont help out with the kids or animals?
He is also a slob. When I tell him I do not like him leaving his clothes in a huge pile in the living room, or often times all over it...he gets pissy. He tells me he wants them there, despite the laundry room being ten feet away. This also applies to the twenty some pocket items he insists on carrying with him "just in case" like a lighter (he doesn't smoke) car punch, knife, bottle opener, can opener, ect.
One of the biggest annoyances is War-hammer 40K. He plays the video games, and those stupid miniatures and wants to spend $600 on the convention this summer. I agreed to let him to to the convention because I am going to a concert in August for my fave band Great Big Sea. My concert is $200 for tickets, gas, food and souvnirs. I just cant see spending $600 on costumes, and everything. Its just ridiculous. Its not even the convention that bothers me. Its the amount of energy that he spends talking about it. EVery day its blah blah blah warhammer. And he will not shut up about it even if I tell him Im not interested. Even that wouldnt bother me! Its that when I try to get him to remember something important, he cannot. He tells me has has a learning disability. Yet he can remember every damn detail about warhammer 40K? It just doesnt make sense.
And yet, even that wouldnt bother me. Its the fact that he will never have a career outside of walmart. He has not drive to do anything but be a "supervisor at walmart" yet he constantly late, and his department is constantly getting bad reviews. He also is very slow at his job, which makes the other supervisors not want to promote him.
He did take the corrections officer test, and passed. However, once he got the passing grade, he just abandoned it. He refused to get out and exercise because he is over weight. So he just decided not to do it. Also, he was in college for criminal justice and dropped out. So now when I ask him what he wants to do for a job, its either black smithing, alchemy , or starting a business like "asshat industries" where he makes hats with bottoms on them. Or mints that say "condom-mints, death mints, ect like puns on them. It is so frustrating because I dont see him doing any of these things for the rest of his life, or ever making any money from them. Which is what people need to raise a family.
He knows that I am going to college for history. I am doing it online because I cant afford daycare, and I DO NOT want to leave the kids with him for fear of what might happen. Also, Im nursing my infant every two hours. So Its not conducive to getting a job or going to traditional college. So when its time for me to get on the computer to do my homework, he just lets the kids scream all around me and doesnt help keep them occupied for the two hours Im alloted for it. Then he screams at me to "GET A JOB!" when I try talking to him about his career options.
Its all just one big vicious cycle where I end up hating his guts and he tells me Im "abusing him". Even if we get to the point where we are not arguing. I go to snuggle him, or pet his hair and he yells at me and tells me "Im hurting him" then it just gets me annoyed.
What do I do? Most of the time I just dont want to be with him anymore. Then when I try to tell him Im not happy he says hes going to commit suicide or take the kids from me. I do love him, but Im just sick of it all. No amount of knowing how aspergers works will make me happy.
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