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Hello

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WhiskeyRiver99

New Member
Hello. I don't know if I have Asperger's or not. Here's the thing, I've been watching parenthood and I just got to the episode where Hank realizes he has Asperger's. I didn't know that was a thing, I though it was something diagnosed in children. (I'm a little ashamed to admit that part but I didn't know)

Anyway, it got me thinking, I'm on disability for mental problems. The current preferred diagnosis is Bipolar disorder. The thing is, I've been dealing with it my whole life, I'm 43 now, and none of the meds have worked, not the way they're supposed to. I've been on every combination of drug there is. So I end up thinking maybe there's nothing wrong with me except I'm a big wuss who can't deal with a normal life like other people can.

Social situations drive me nuts, I rarely leave the house anymore. I get obsessed with learning things but once I learn them, I get bored. I spent two years studying physics for no reason at all, I spent 3 and a half years studying chess, often 10-12 hours a day. I worked up until about 5 years ago including time in the US Navy, 3 years as a paramedic and then I was a software engineer for 13 years. I'm usually very negative about myself but the one exception is my work, I was always very good at whatever I did, but I was only good with the work part. There were always big problems with the social and political aspects of work. I can't stand change and doing something spontaneous has never been something I"m capable of. I was pretty social in high school but to be honest, I was almost always drunk. I don't think I spent more than 10 weekend nights sober my last 3 years of high school.

Anyway, I took a test online at psych central, it said a borderline score was 31-33 and 34 and above was likely, I scored a 39. I know you can't always trust what's online and you shouldn't self diagnose so I'm trying not to but I'm kind of freaking out a little bit. I just thought I'd see if I could get someone's general opinion. I make my big discovery on a Saturday when I can't call a doctor until Monday.

If you read all of this, thanks, sorry for the autobiography.
 
Hi

I have some similar experiences to you, I am mid-30s and have felt like a complete outsider forever; with me I wrongly thought Aspies were math geniuses, and all were super organised in every aspect of life-the opposite of what I am. I also thought all were savants.

So while I came across Aspergers as a 'thing' about fifteen years ago, and it did ring many bells, those misconceptions made me put it on the back burner. I have been treated for depression with medication, counselling and various therapies over the years and nothing has helped-the only 'result' would be that I would baffle and annoy the medical professional trying to help me at the time. Fast forward to early autumn last year and I came across more up-to-date and accurate info on Asperger's and it was like reading something I had written about myself. So to reassure myself, I thought I would do the AQ test. I know other, NT people who have done it and got between 12 and 20, I got 47 and got 44 when I put slightly disagree or disagree for a couple of traits I have but not all the time or only mildly, I could not get a lower score than that without lying.

I looked into private diagnosis but it was just too expensive and 30 or 40 miles away, and a private diagnosis here in the uk often isn't accepted by NHS health professionals and other public services. I then took several months to buck up the courage to book a GP appointment, it didn't take long at all for the GP to conclude that the possibility of me having Asperger's is a strong one, and she wrote off to the relevant service the same day. I now have a first assessment appointment on this Tuesday coming. Depending on how things are done in this area, it is likely I will have another 1-2 assessments before being diagnosed.
 
Astroganga said:
Hi

I have some similar experiences to you, I am mid-30s and have felt like a complete outsider forever; with me I wrongly thought Aspies were math geniuses, and all were super organised in every aspect of life-the opposite of what I am. I also thought all were savants.
Click to expand...

That's funny, I had the thought before, just briefly, that maybe Asperger's was my problem but my first thought was I'm not smart enough to have that so I never thought about it again. And I understand all the meds and counseling and baffled therapists, I even did 6 rounds of electroshock therapy.

Thanks for the reply, I think I'm at least going to call my doctor on Monday and make and appointment to discuss it with him. The more I read the more I feel like it's me, but I'm almost afraid to get my hopes up, which sounds really weird, but it would explain so much. I've thought I had the reason behind everything before and been wrong so we'll see.

Thanks for your reply.
 
Welcome to AC.
If you're seeking info, feel free to poke around the site and join in where you feel comfortable. I recommend reading Tony Attwood's 'Complete guide to Aspergers.' Its rather a fat book, but certainly the best out there.
If you poke around the resources section, you will find some online tests (of varying worth) which you might find of interest.
Nothing wrong with self diagnosis - many here are. Some people need 'official' diagnosis for medical recognition or self assurance. Others find the process too difficult if not impossible, or otherwise not worth the effort, and stay with self diagnosis. Either option, folks are welcome here.
 
WhiskeyRiver99 said:
That's funny, I had the thought before, just briefly, that maybe Asperger's was my problem but my first thought was I'm not smart enough to have that so I never thought about it again. And I understand all the meds and counseling and baffled therapists, I even did 6 rounds of electroshock therapy.

Thanks for the reply, I think I'm at least going to call my doctor on Monday and make and appointment to discuss it with him. The more I read the more I feel like it's me, but I'm almost afraid to get my hopes up, which sounds really weird, but it would explain so much. I've thought I had the reason behind everything before and been wrong so we'll see.

Thanks for your reply.
Click to expand...
As far as I have seen, the majority of those with a test score that high go on to be diagnosed with Asperger's or level one autism, depending on which reference they are using to diagnose. As the other poster above me has said (sorry didn't check username before replying), self-diagnosis is totally ok too. Of course, there are plenty of reasons why someone would not want to just leave it at self-diagnosis. In my case, being formally diagnosed is probably not going to get me any support or anything like that, not in the current climate we have in the UK, anyway. But it would just give my family and I closure.
 
Astroganga said:
As far as I have seen, the majority of those with a test score that high go on to be diagnosed with Asperger's or level one autism, depending on which reference they are using to diagnose. As the other poster above me has said (sorry didn't check username before replying), self-diagnosis is totally ok too. Of course, there are plenty of reasons why someone would not want to just leave it at self-diagnosis. In my case, being formally diagnosed is probably not going to get me any support or anything like that, not in the current climate we have in the UK, anyway. But it would just give my family and I closure.
Click to expand...

I've just been through so many doctors who've said so many conflicting things (mood disorder, personality disorder, bipolar, depression, anxiety disorder) that I find it really hard to trust myself because I've gotten my hopes up so many times. First, I really, really want to know what's wrong with me which leads me to question how much my motives affect my perspective. Maybe I'm tricking myself into believing I've finally found the answer because I want it so bad. Even if a doctor tells me I have it, it's going to take a long time to really sink in that all the crap in my life wasn't my fault. But having a doctor tell me will help, I think.

Luckily, it won't affect any benefits though, I'm already on government disability for bipolar and anxiety disorder, which took 3 1/2 years to get approved. Although, I had insurance which I paid for at my former employer that would have paid me a lot more monthly (like 3 times more) for a long term disability but it had a 2 year limit for mental problems. I hadn't thought about it, but I wonder if Asperger's is counted as a mental condition and if not, whether I could reapply for benefits if my diagnosis changes. It's been about 6 years since I worked, 4 years since I last received any insurance payments. It's not a major concern though, I get by with what I've got as I don't really do much.

I'm rambling, sorry, just have a lot racing through my head, thanks for your help, I really appreciate it.
 
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