Hello

[8398]

I come here for a few reasons.
I cautiously suspect Asperger's, I'm worried I might be wrong. I don't have friends or go to school, ( I plan on continuing online.) it's a long story. But my situation makes sense if I'm right because I've always tried to be normal but failed, and no-one would of known what's best for me. So afraid of being wrong though! It's like maybe I'm just trying to come up with an excuse. This info above is the most important, the rest is me.. venting.

I'm satisfied with what I do everyday, mostly, but this website I've been hanging on to since I was 12, is kinda silly, not so much childish (I lied about my age on there) but basically an unhealthy environment where people are obsessed over silly things, over the top complaining, and no-one has the guts to message each other. I think there's a reason why the people who are online all day also talk a lot about being unhappy I just don't want to get sucked into it anymore. I don't have high standards for websites, I was on there for about 6 years so it became really apparent. The first thing I read on here, something about small talk, I laughed a lot because it was so relatable, I'm hooked. I think there will be more thought diversity and interesting-ness here. I talk a lot online, I'm overbearing. This girl I managed to talk to for months, turned out didn't even like talking to me! She said in her posts that talking to be was like her being a piece of a crazy boardgame or something like that... was not aware.. kinda funny but a tad hurtful the way she put it.
Not sure what I want... I'm not desperate for friends, I think I want to listen to people like me but are also very different. So glad I'm here.

 

[Blast off]

Glad you are here too! Welcome, you are probably in the right place if you've read some threads and blogs and you can relate! Things here can also get strange, but you'll find something strange everywhere you look if you look hard enough.. Lol!! Anyways welcome and hope you like it here

 

[8398]

Thank you, I do like strange haha. My pic is a mantis because I've always had an interest for insects.

 

[Blast off]

I also like all plants and animals. they are my special interest. Did you take the mantis photo yourself?

 

[8398]

Yes other plants and animals I like too, my favorite place to be is outside exploring. Before I became shy I was known as the nature/bug girl. My recent interest is the idea of growing my own food and collecting seeds, right now my window is full of plants. I didn't take the picture, but I'd like to take pictures of bugs, well I have from my phone, the only time I use it lol.

 

[Nitro]

 

[8398]

Thanks Nitro

 

[Suzanne]

Hi there!

I have got to that point in my life that I do not feel desperate for friends; but I bet they will suddenly all appear lol

This is such a lovely forum; has helped me in many ways and I feel at last that I have "met" ones who are like me and feel less like an alien on here; but in life, it is hard, because I am surrounded by NT's and I just do not understand their language.

I am also an unofficial aspie, and you will find many are on here. It is being in contact with some formally diagnosed aspies that make me feel that I am not a fraud. It is a frightening prospect that I am wrong, because I feel a lot less strange now, that I used to.

I would go along to social functions; just because I felt I needed to push myself and always end up feeling devastated afterwards and for the first time, this sunday, I am not going and my husband is not pushing and it feels great!

 

[8398]

I think middle school I started to tell myself I didn't need friends, it was the one thing I was right about. Middle school was my hardest time, depression, but I'm glad I got it over with then. I'm really glad I don't need to interact to be happy, chatting online is different and nice though. I know I'll have more to say tomorrow, is 3:03am and I'm so tired the screen is blurry, I can't wait to be on here instead of..... the website, it's called chicken smoothie lol. I know I'll have a lot to say.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Do you not go to school because of anxiety? Or is it that you just have no interest in it, or maybe both? I've seen a lot of people who get anxious about going to school, usually though it's to do with bullying or people not treating them with proper respect.

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[8398]

@ xudo
Thank you : )

@Southern Discomfort
I really wanted to be able to do public school. I had anxiety problems, I tolerated it until I started getting irritable bowl syndrome symptoms, I was using the bathroom every chance I got but it didn't resolve anything, and my stomach would hurt the moment I'd wake up in the morning. I wasn't eating all day because I was afraid of eating in front of anyone. I was a mess. Nobody bullied me really, but situations were people avoided partnering with me, or talking to me.

@Suzanne
I'm with my family everyday so I'm well adapted to talking with them, my mom dislikes family gatherings so I don't end up going to many, I'm very close to my grandma who hosts gatherings so it's easier, and then there's my grandpa's which I'm less comfortable there, but not bad. I have things pretty good at home. During my worst stage my mom did force me to go places, and would tell me I made her look like a bad parent, but at some point she stopped doing both those things.
It's weird, I think that it's overwhelming that I'm in a way normal, things shouldn't make sense haha. I think I have high self esteem when I'm by myself, but when I talk to someone it drops.

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard

 

[8398]

I hope as time goes on I'll have less to vent about, I'm learning a lot about myself. It's a big deal that I've learned of Asperger's, without knowing it could of made the rest of my life harder.
Delusion has been a part of my personality, to cope with low self esteem and to try and explain why I do things.
And I realize I do have meltdowns, I just have them when I'm by myself or I internalize it. The last time I had a meltdown apparent to everyone, it turned out so bad. Everyone in the house freaked out, and my mom kept touching me and saying "___? ___? You know it's me right? Your mom? *pokes* ___?" Like she thought I was insane. I yelled for her to leave me alone, which was probably shocking to her because I'm dishonestly nice to her all the time. But she just kept poking me. lol.
Know of anyway to cope with meltdowns? My internal ones. I just came online from one, to find advice on it.

 

[Rocco]

It doesn't always work but I try to distract myself with my special interest, mostly I get so immersed in it that I forget everything else in the world. This is probably not healthy, but it's better than melting in front of other people. Especially if you can get way from others.
Best wishes.

 

[8398]

Thank you very much! I have an idea for the next time I get overly upset-
Shower, prepare a drink and food to set next to me, video game or computer, and lastly- put my bearded dragon on my chest or shoulder. If I have time for that anyway.

 

[8398]

Maybe feeling more in control can be calming. I remember times where I channeled my anger through doing things for myself, like angrily making myself jello. Even though it turned out inedible, I felt calmer afterwards. Of course in a full blown meltdown I wouldn't be able to do that.