Strangeone
New Member
Not the best at introductions, but some people online know me as Stephen. I'm 24, and have not been officially diagnosed.
I'm actually nervous about even trying to get one. I'm afraid of getting the same responses I've gotten from most of my close family and some friends. This is actually the reason I found this site. I feel I have no one to really talk to or anyone who understands and believes me.
I have gotten diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but when I explained how I felt there was something else that was the cause for those symptoms, they just continued to tell me it was just anxiety and depression and upped my medication. But the funny thing is, a lot of the time I feel calm. I just can never seem to understand people very well socially. And sometimes it causes me to have social anxiety, knowing I'll probably mess up somehow. Which then leads to me feeling depressed later on. I also have always had troubles finding words to express myself or explain what I'm experiencing. So people misunderstand me very often and make their own assumptions.
All my teachers throughout school knew I wasn't like the other kids. It's why I was taken out of class to work with teachers aids. They talked to my mom about getting support for me, but my mom refused and said I was normal.
Because I always had troubles understanding people socially, making and keeping friends has been difficult. Many people think I'm not interested in them because I'm never sure how to respond to anything.
My mom thinks everything I struggle with are all excuses to be lazy and avoid responsibilities. And most people I meet, when I hapen to bring up that I might have aspergers, tell me they doubt I have aspergers. Because I don't act like this or do that specific stereotypical thing. I guess I act "normal" enough. Don't know if it's because I try to stay neutral as much as possible, and then act out some social responses I've seen others use many times with good outcomes. I don't even understand some of them, but people like when you respond certain ways. Or even expect it.
I'm getting tired of just acting tho. But when I don't, I'm always called lazy, slow, absent minded, and a bunch of other things.
My mom seems to think I sit up in my room just overthinking things and being sad all day. But I'm usually just learning about the electromagnetic spectrum, philosophy, psychology, neuroscience, and a ton of other subjects that interest me. As well as trying to develop artisic, musical, and other skills that seem like fun. And also recently consuming a lot of the Marvel universe.
I don't tell her the things I'm doing anymore because she'll always put it down as something stupid and a waste of time. Telling me to get a life. Then tell me to go to school or get a job. Even tho I'm on social and income assistance for disability by my doctors orders.
Anytime I have a breakdown, she tells me I'm overreacting and things aren't as bad as they seem. That I'm just too stuck in my own head. Yet.. she talks really loudly in frustration about so many things. Almost daily. It's never at me, but she's just, as she puts it, expressing herself.
I know I can't afford a place on my own yet. Unless it's in a very sketchy area. Which is why I've been doing tons of research and planning to convert a bus or cargo van into a mobile home. It's a lot of work and costs a lot to get it done, but it saves a lot in the long run.
But that still won't happen for a long while yet.
Anyway, I hope to maybe find some people to relate with and maybe find some helpful tips for someone in my position.
I'm actually nervous about even trying to get one. I'm afraid of getting the same responses I've gotten from most of my close family and some friends. This is actually the reason I found this site. I feel I have no one to really talk to or anyone who understands and believes me.
I have gotten diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but when I explained how I felt there was something else that was the cause for those symptoms, they just continued to tell me it was just anxiety and depression and upped my medication. But the funny thing is, a lot of the time I feel calm. I just can never seem to understand people very well socially. And sometimes it causes me to have social anxiety, knowing I'll probably mess up somehow. Which then leads to me feeling depressed later on. I also have always had troubles finding words to express myself or explain what I'm experiencing. So people misunderstand me very often and make their own assumptions.
All my teachers throughout school knew I wasn't like the other kids. It's why I was taken out of class to work with teachers aids. They talked to my mom about getting support for me, but my mom refused and said I was normal.
Because I always had troubles understanding people socially, making and keeping friends has been difficult. Many people think I'm not interested in them because I'm never sure how to respond to anything.
My mom thinks everything I struggle with are all excuses to be lazy and avoid responsibilities. And most people I meet, when I hapen to bring up that I might have aspergers, tell me they doubt I have aspergers. Because I don't act like this or do that specific stereotypical thing. I guess I act "normal" enough. Don't know if it's because I try to stay neutral as much as possible, and then act out some social responses I've seen others use many times with good outcomes. I don't even understand some of them, but people like when you respond certain ways. Or even expect it.
I'm getting tired of just acting tho. But when I don't, I'm always called lazy, slow, absent minded, and a bunch of other things.
My mom seems to think I sit up in my room just overthinking things and being sad all day. But I'm usually just learning about the electromagnetic spectrum, philosophy, psychology, neuroscience, and a ton of other subjects that interest me. As well as trying to develop artisic, musical, and other skills that seem like fun. And also recently consuming a lot of the Marvel universe.
I don't tell her the things I'm doing anymore because she'll always put it down as something stupid and a waste of time. Telling me to get a life. Then tell me to go to school or get a job. Even tho I'm on social and income assistance for disability by my doctors orders.
Anytime I have a breakdown, she tells me I'm overreacting and things aren't as bad as they seem. That I'm just too stuck in my own head. Yet.. she talks really loudly in frustration about so many things. Almost daily. It's never at me, but she's just, as she puts it, expressing herself.
I know I can't afford a place on my own yet. Unless it's in a very sketchy area. Which is why I've been doing tons of research and planning to convert a bus or cargo van into a mobile home. It's a lot of work and costs a lot to get it done, but it saves a lot in the long run.
But that still won't happen for a long while yet.
Anyway, I hope to maybe find some people to relate with and maybe find some helpful tips for someone in my position.
