Hello

[ClearQz]

Hello so here I am on this forum where I actually have question about the subject of Autism. The reason why I am here is because of 40 years of social difficulties, isolation and incapacity of bonding with most people or groups, nothing less. In the last 2 years, 2 persons gave me the note that I was sharing some similarities with autism, some things related to my odd, social interactions.

I investigated a bit and passed some quiz just to get terrible results, high level of similarity for both tests.. then more introspection brought more evidences also.

It's very strange what's happening.. I went to see the doctor about this.. yesterday he didn't really looked at all to my stuff.. (my papers) and told me that if I am that, it's probably a light case. Then he gave me a prescription to pass real tests and the option to seek psychological guidance instead. He thinks I could get stigmatization with a autism diagnostic.. I tried to learn more about his other reasons.. but he would not really tell, it was question of insurances issues also. (My feeling was that for him, this was not a good idea)

I don't reject his opinion, I'll investigate more.

Me, I wonder how much worse it can be if I already have almost zero person around to stigmatize me .

It's very complicated but the bottomline is 40 years of incompatibility with most people. So am I just lazy? or a guy with a very bad social education?

So many question, so little answers..

My major concern is about finding a new job after 13 years of working at the same place and because I worked alone for all that time, it's the only thing that really works for me. The sole idea of passing interviews and answering the questions about my teamwork abilities.

My god..

Not pleasant at all...

 

[tree]

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

Hi and welcome to the forums. I wouldn't be put off by your doctor's lack of concern. It hasn't been that long that the spectrum has been recognized and he may not be up on it. However, I don't think the diagnosis will help you in getting hired unless the employer has declared they are interested in hiring ASD employees. There are some in the US.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I have changed jobs many times over my career. usually end up working alone, so it can be done.

 

[Aspychata]

Working alone are the best jobs in the world.

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear of your job loss. You have a solid employment history, so best to start applying. Just ask yourself questions like a mini mock interview. You will feel more on top. Remember to insert smile, don't blab to long about yourself, when in doubt smile.

Being alone, can relate to that.

 

[Wulven]

Hi.

 

[rach3rd]

Welcome @ClearQz! Hang in there. Job interviews can often be a numbers game…so keep trying. I was just diagnosed too. I actually will get the full report on my test this Wednesday. My head is spinning as well…it is a lot to think about.

 

[Richelle-H]

My major concern is about finding a new job after 13 years of working at the same place and because I worked alone for all that time, it's the only thing that really works for me. The sole idea of passing interviews and answering the questions about my teamwork abilities.

My god..

Not pleasant at all...

Welcome to the site. I understand much of where you are at right now. I was always rather freaked out by the prospect of job interviews. Couple that with the fact that I did not know I was on the spectrum until my early 40s. Well... I am sure you can imagine.

The thing is, as long as I focused on my strengths and controlled my physical tics, they always went well, even when I thought I had blown my chances.

It is confidence in yourself and your skills that sell you to a prospective employer, at least that is my perception from way out here in retirement-land.

Therapy never worked for me, mainly because I am more than a little arrogant, and like you, I was always skeptical of what I was being told. I still am for that matter, particularly because of all the contact I have had with medical practitioners, of multiple disciplines, in the last seven years .

Bottom line, you are not something that needs to be cured. you just need to find comfort within yourself. If therapy helps you in that, then great, but therapy or not, everything comes form inside you.

I perceive you as intelligent enough to figure it out for yourself, but it takes time and dedication. I found people with common interests in my younger days, by hanging out in specialty bookshops.

You have to have interests and those interests can lead to social interactions that you can take at your own pace, just don't rule things out because they make you uncomfortable. I can't tell you how many times I got invited to parties that I forced myself to go to, only to sit in isolation, more or less daring someone to approach and talk to me.

At my age, I have built a solid interface to the so called normal world, but I make no more concessions to it than I feel necessary. Just own who you are!

May you find a future in which you are comfortable.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. It's good that you found us, and hopefully you will find some ideas and support here.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Suzette]

Welcome!

My major concern is about finding a new job after 13 years of working at the same place and because I worked alone for all that time, it's the only thing that really works for me. The sole idea of passing interviews and answering the questions about my teamwork abilities.

I once had a job interview where the interviewer wanted me to do an assessment test. She cautioned me to answer as myself and to not answer as I thought they might want me to.

When it came to questions about my people skills and whether or not I prefered to work alone or with a team, I lied my butt off and said "I prefer to work as part of a team"

When the interviewer called she told me that my assessment showed I was not a match for the job. But she was uncommonly perceptive and admitted that my answer about working as part of a team is what tripped me up.

Choose your job wisely and answer those questions honestly. Don't assume you will do better trying to make yourself appear to fit the company needs.

Oh, that is a broad life lesson too. Be yourself. There will always be N.Ts that are convinced that the "you" you really are is wrong. But spend time with N.Ts and you will see that many are just plain messed up. The crtics have reason to assume they are superior.

 

[SusanLR]

 

[James45]

Hi there...

 

[ClearQz]

Hi and welcome to the forums. I wouldn't be put off by your doctor's lack of concern. It hasn't been that long that the spectrum has been recognized and he may not be up on it. However, I don't think the diagnosis will help you in getting hired unless the employer has declared they are interested in hiring ASD employees. There are some in the US.

Everyone, thanks for the warm welcome on the forum and for all the motivation too.
----
Hemm well my idea of getting a diagnosis was to help in the justification of my social behaviour, to give an evidence of the fact that I try to improve but it's somewhat limited compared to other people and often too much of it will lead to crashing into a wall. Not really to disclose that information publicly but something between me and the administration so that they have a better "quick" understanding of what's happening.

Right now I am explaining it myself, but I feel like it would cost 1/100 of the energy with a diagnostic, it would cut discussions, arguments and explaining the same things all over again because it's a cycle. When the manager is replaced, we need to start again, from scratch (almost), I need to protect my acquired assets and it's sucking a huge amount of energy, every time, generating days of anxiety. (Implementing change is a real struggle for the administration also, I see how careful they are now and I am thankful for that, I owe them respect.. for that)

It also could be perceived at a manipulation or using the system to get reasonable accommodations.. but honestly that's not it, my social integration and blending situation with people is a real thing, it's not because I want It to be a problem, but it's also true that I highly enjoy these accommodations which took a long time to obtain..

NOTE: I woke up this morning thinking about this again, my current job is not lost yet.. there is still a chance for me to keep it... BUT the prospect of losing it shocked me and then opened a can of worm in my head, fear.

 

[ClearQz]

Welcome to the site. I understand much of where you are at right now. I was always rather freaked out by the prospect of job interviews. Couple that with the fact that I did not know I was on the spectrum until my early 40s. Well... I am sure you can imagine. Somewhat, I did tests both gave me "Your autism spectrum symptoms are high" IDRLabs.com and "You are most likely Aspie" in the Aspie Quiz I am still having trouble believing it.

The thing is, as long as I focused on my strengths and controlled my physical tics, they always went well, even when I thought I had blown my chances. I asked one of my colleague who told me about the spectrum to explain to me on a paper, the things she notices. She don't notice tics or physical evidences, it's really a behavioural thing. Maybe a good news.
It is confidence in yourself and your skills that sell you to a prospective employer, at least that is my perception from way out here in retirement-land.

Therapy never worked for me, mainly because I am more than a little arrogant, and like you, I was always skeptical of what I was being told. I still am for that matter, particularly because of all the contact I have had with medical practitioners, of multiple disciplines, in the last seven years . I am very skeptical, like you.

Bottom line, you are not something that needs to be cured. you just need to find comfort within yourself. If therapy helps you in that, then great, but therapy or not, everything comes form inside you.

I perceive you as intelligent enough to figure it out for yourself, but it takes time and dedication. I found people with common interests in my younger days, by hanging out in specialty bookshops. Ah? still searching for that, thanks. I am visiting crystal stores these days.. Ok to find nice gem stones.. but no people so far.

You have to have interests and those interests can lead to social interactions that you can take at your own pace, just don't rule things out because they make you uncomfortable. I can't tell you how many times I got invited to parties that I forced myself to go to, only to sit in isolation, more or less daring someone to approach and talk to me. I see me again, intense discussions on subject can happen but not all the time. Lately I went to the Director's home to teach him how to use a computerized telescope. He had mild interest really.. I wonder what all that was about. 1 Week later he talk to me about selling the telescope.. damnit, a very nice telescope.

At my age, I have built a solid interface to the so called normal world, but I make no more concessions to it than I feel necessary. Just own who you are!

May you find a future in which you are comfortable. Thanks..

 

[ClearQz]

I once had a job interview where the interviewer wanted me to do an assessment test. She cautioned me to answer as myself and to not answer as I thought they might want me to.

When it came to questions about my people skills and whether or not I prefered to work alone or with a team, I lied my butt off and said "I prefer to work as part of a team"

When the interviewer called she told me that my assessment showed I was not a match for the job. But she was uncommonly perceptive and admitted that my answer about working as part of a team is what tripped me up. Ahh oki oki

Choose your job wisely and answer those questions honestly. Don't assume you will do better trying to make yourself appear to fit the company needs. Often they ask for that specifically, people with good people skill or good team workers. Actually I wonder if an inferior technician with higher social skill could be a better pick on any given opportunity. It's just a theory.

Oh, that is a broad life lesson too. Be yourself. There will always be N.Ts that are convinced that the "you" you really are is wrong. But spend time with N.Ts and you will see that many are just plain messed up. The crtics have reason to assume they are superior. What is N.T's ?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Hello so here I am on this forum where I actually have question about the subject of Autism. The reason why I am here is because of 40 years of social difficulties, isolation and incapacity of bonding with most people or groups, nothing less. In the last 2 years, 2 persons gave me the note that I was sharing some similarities with autism, some things related to my odd, social interactions.

I investigated a bit and passed some quiz just to get terrible results, high level of similarity for both tests.. then more introspection brought more evidences also.

It's very strange what's happening.. I went to see the doctor about this.. yesterday he didn't really looked at all to my stuff.. (my papers) and told me that if I am that, it's probably a light case. Then he gave me a prescription to pass real tests and the option to seek psychological guidance instead. He thinks I could get stigmatization with a autism diagnostic.. I tried to learn more about his other reasons.. but he would not really tell, it was question of insurances issues also. (My feeling was that for him, this was not a good idea)

I don't reject his opinion, I'll investigate more.

Me, I wonder how much worse it can be if I already have almost zero person around to stigmatize me .

It's very complicated but the bottomline is 40 years of incompatibility with most people. So am I just lazy? or a guy with a very bad social education?

So many question, so little answers..

My major concern is about finding a new job after 13 years of working at the same place and because I worked alone for all that time, it's the only thing that really works for me. The sole idea of passing interviews and answering the questions about my teamwork abilities.

My god..

Not pleasant at all...

First of all, welcome, you're amongst friends.

Second,...your story is actually a common one.

Where to start with this,...
(1) Since you're over 18, if you call up your insurance company and ask if they cover autism testing, they will usually say NO. However, if you can talk to the testing center,...they likely know the proper coding to get a large percentage of it covered. If I remember correctly, I was expecting to pay around $1900,...I paid around $200 or so.
(2) You may find more than one autism testing center,...to be specific,...seek out a center that does adult testing. There are plenty of centers that deal with children,...adult testing is different.
(3) As an adult, you probably are not going have your parents there as part of the interview process. In my case, my wife was involved. Basically, they want to establish evidence of a long-term history of symptoms. I also took the time to write down an itemized list of experiences, thoughts, symptoms,...over 170 things. It was my, "You might be autistic if..." list.
(4) Prior to doing my list, I had to learn about autism. The symptoms,...that is secondary to the anatomy and physiology. At this point in history, autism is diagnosed in the psychologist's office, but there is a tremendous amount of functional imaging and post mortem studies from a neurological perspective. Sometime soon, autism diagnosis will be done in a neurologist's office. Reading this information prior, I found several things that I had no idea were part of the autistic experience,...that I had,...and added that to my list.
(5) Most medical professionals are not familiar with the so-called Asperger's condition,...the ASD1 experience,...nor is the public, your family, friends, co-workers, the HR department, and law enforcement. As an adult, the people in your life know you, for better or worse,...and have made a "moral" diagnosis of you. I have never had anyone I know associate my behaviors as autistic,...so be prepared for that experience. Many of us "come out" as autistic and are immediately met with some combination of indifference, non-acceptance, and minimization,...comments like "OK", "It's a label", "It's an excuse", or "Wow! You must be one of the high functioning ones." Basically, do not expect acceptance and understanding,...expect the opposite. To whom you divulge your diagnosis to is highly individualized.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome. I get the part of worrying about stigma though you have few people around you. I was not diagnosed until late in life, and I had severe social issues. Through interests I've made friends and I guess my isolation taught me to enjoy those who are accepting of others, seek them out, and I've managed to have long-time friends and even make more. Many of them are NT, a lot with their own quirks. Recently, at lunch with a friend helping me change out some wheel bearings, I discussed my diagnosis. He took it matter of factly, told me he suspected it, and said that I am more than my Autism.

I preferred to work alone, but could work as part of a team. On larger projects I would own some element that would allow me to work nearly independently, though with input from other disciplines, and contribute to the success of the team. Then, depending who I was working with, sometimes mentored those with less skill and experience, directing them in their tasks. So, got a lot of latitude in my work.

 

[James45]

If you can't find a solitary job, one outside rather than inside may help...I have found it easy working outside than inside.

Feel less compressed, trapped and overloaded by lots of people when outside rather than in.

 

[QuestJan]

In the last 2 years, 2 persons gave me the note that I was sharing some similarities with autism, some things related to my odd, social interactions.

Has anyone questioned your employment suitability?


Be cautious of expecting the medical community to be helpful. The DMS lists us as a disease to be cured, something to be fixed. It is not their job to help you but to protect society from you. Autism "experts" are best with theories that support negative viewpoints of autism. They can be cruel in their misinformation. None of us need to believe their lies.


On the other hand, getting a diagnosis might help with your self-understanding, but mostly understanding the NT world. For each autistic trait identified, NT-world is the opposite. It can help you understand them better.


Your job sounds like it is suitable for you and I'd try to keep it if I were you. A file of good reviews, timelines, and the negative stuff can help your case, but it’s been two indications that your different kind of mind is “out”, so they would have fired you already if they were going to - right? Discrimination law is biased toward business and you must have significant proof. 13 years, alone, is significant.


NTs experience cognitive processes (e.g. Cognitive dissonance, confirmation bias, etc) that guard the 'norm', running out anyone who is 'different'. Most differences can be identified at a glance: Skin color, gender, physical features associated with ancestry, etc. When someone with an 'invisible' difference (i.e. In the mind) is finally identified, it justifies their bullying b/c it is seen as some Trogen Horse betrayal.


For most work sites, assimilation is important and I, of course, find it hard to even figure out assimilation goals and am either pressured out or fired. They often give reasons that are not true, so it makes it more mysterious to me. It confirms that I am doing my job well and it is the culture that I can't hack.


Anyway, I lucked into a profession that has a 'travel' component. I find that I can camouflage for about a year and then I need to move on before the bullying gets too intense. Of course, this has seriously affected my ability to retire.

View attachment 70525


Because it is a gig job, I can be easily fired. I have literally gotten a letter expressing gratitude for a job well done from my building manager only to be fired the next day by administrators b/c a colleague told them I am autistic.


I am scheduled to start a new job on 10/05 and am experiencing so much dread that I can barely leave the house to buy groceries. I was living off of "window meals" until I could resolve to pull up my big kid pants and go to the store. Of course, the anxiety sets me up to melt down if any problems do pop up - and the vicious cycle rolls right over me.