Hello :)

[Starflyr3]

Hello,

I’m recently diagnosed. I’m a physician in my 40s, married with kids, and I finally said, “ENOUGH!” and got tested.

I’ve struggled socially all my life, though I do well at work, and had social masking pounded into me from a young age (socialite parents).
It’s compounded, I think, by having a very high IQ, which makes me not able to relate to other women’s interests most of the time. (Fashion, makeup, soap operas, shallow stuff…. Ugh).

I’m also a super nerd who loves sci-fi/fantasy, collects Pokémon cards, and likes to go to renaissance festivals. I also have a black belt in Tae Kwon do.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! We have several others in the medical and allied fields here, including at least one other physician

 

[tree]

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome. I hope that your diagnosis at least offers you understanding. I was diagnosed at 60 and I did not find that useful until this last year when I was dealing with PTSD from social and sexual isolation during those critical teen and young adult years. I've learned how my mind with its inability to understand the social, crippled me.

 

[Starflyr3]

Welcome. I hope that your diagnosis at least offers you understanding. I was diagnosed at 60 and I did not find that useful until this last year when I was dealing with PTSD from social and sexual isolation during those critical teen and young adult years. I've learned how my mind with its inability to understand the social, crippled me.

First off, it explains a lot, secondly, it helps my husband understand our relationship better. We’ve been married for 20 years, and I wouldn’t respond to his “subtle hints”, then he would think I was mad at him or didn’t care about him. It is VERY refreshing for him to just tell ‘em what he’s feeling before he gets all upset and I have no idea why.

My mom had me tested for adhd 3 times as a kid, but I don’t have that, and I guess they chalked it all up to high IQ issues? Several other PhD psychologists and therapists missed it or dismissed it, too (I asked). We finally started seeing a couples therapist that works with ND people, and she just came out with it a few months in. So, I went to a PsyD, and yeah…

I’m working on not masking 100% of the time, which is hard but also so much less exhausting than my life up until now.


I’m hoping for a new start, as we’re moving out of state, away from the city I grew up in…where my parents still live and know *everyone*.

Maybe I’ll finally be able to make a friend or 2. I feel you on trauma from teen years. I ended up inpatient psych in high school, and their diagnosis was I was “too parentified”

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

First off, it explains a lot, secondly, it helps my husband understand our relationship better. We’ve been married for 20 years, and I wouldn’t respond to his “subtle hints”, then he would think I was mad at him or didn’t care about him. It is VERY refreshing for him to just tell ‘em what he’s feeling before he gets all upset and I have no idea why.

My mom had me tested for adhd 3 times as a kid, but I don’t have that, and I guess they chalked it all up to high IQ issues? Several other PhD psychologists and therapists missed it or dismissed it, too (I asked). We finally started seeing a couples therapist that works with ND people, and she just came out with it a few months in. So, I went to a PsyD, and yeah…

I’m working on not masking 100% of the time, which is hard but also so much less exhausting than my life up until now.


I’m hoping for a new start, as we’re moving out of state, away from the city I grew up in…where my parents still live and know *everyone*.

Maybe I’ll finally be able to make a friend or 2. I feel you on trauma from teen years. I ended up inpatient psych in high school, and their diagnosis was I was “too parentified”

Sorry to hear about your travails. Communication now between you and your husband is very important. I wish you good fortune on your fresh start. My spouse and I have accommodated to each other's style of communication. It has been harder more recently with the PTSD interfering, but I continue to progress with the CPT which helps me a lot.

Not knowing that I was ASD when I had to work on myself because I wanted to change made that work harder. Eventually I matured socially, and just in time to meet my future spouse. We have about a dozen good friends made through outdoor activities who moved to this neck of the woods and we hike, ski, snowshoe and canoe a lot with them.

 

[Aspychata]

Welcome to our forum. There are many married couples, and so we have a great input there also.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome Starflyr3!

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. I only got married 2 and a half weeks ago, but lived with my partner for a few years and hey I am also a relationship counsellor! I think in that context it can be easier to see the issues of autism, because communication in relationships can be a difficult area for many of us.

I am self diagnosed, based on a lot of reading and research, and experience working with people diagnosed with ASD 1. My experience personally is that having done quite a lot of therapy has sorted a number of things that were capable of development and change, whereas the difficulties with some areas of relating and with unstructured social communication seem more neurologically based and haven't changed much over the years despite my efforts.

Strategies such as honesty with my partner and acceptance by them of my confusions and ensuring we support each other as much as we can with the areas that we find challenging have worked well, I find, supported by the work I did to feel more secure and to know myself after a childhood where parents were not great at offering support, or at managing their relationships.

Now what we all need is for the rest of the world to understand us better!

I hope you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive.

 

[BeachLife]

Hi, welcome.
I haven't logged in for ages, but I'm glad I did tonight as i needed advice from people who relate. Is really great in that way. All the best

 

[Alexej]

Hi and Welcome @Starflyr3

Glad to have you among us, do pull up a chair and join the conversation

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Hi and welcome. I only got married 2 and a half weeks ago, but lived with my partner for a few years and hey I am also a relationship counsellor! I think in that context it can be easier to see the issues of autism, because communication in relationships can be a difficult area for many of us.

I am self diagnosed, based on a lot of reading and research, and experience working with people diagnosed with ASD 1. My experience personally is that having done quite a lot of therapy has sorted a number of things that were capable of development and change, whereas the difficulties with some areas of relating and with unstructured social communication seem more neurologically based and haven't changed much over the years despite my efforts.

Strategies such as honesty with my partner and acceptance by them of my confusions and ensuring we support each other as much as we can with the areas that we find challenging have worked well, I find, supported by the work I did to feel more secure and to know myself after a childhood where parents were not great at offering support, or at managing their relationships.

Now what we all need is for the rest of the world to understand us better!

I hope you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive.

Wishing you much happines, Thinx.

 

[Nitro]