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Hello

J

Janine Medcalf

Active Member
Good afternoon,

I am a mother of a 13 year old male Aspies. I am really struggling to deal with his temper currently. Especially in the mornings. I have 2 other children, son on 10 and a daughter of 6. They are not Aspies children. My oldest son seems to target his brother continuously and I feel that he might lose his temper had hurt my 10 year old. When we talk to him about his actions, it always lands up in a shouting match. I have tried to stay calm but it has been rather difficult. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

Kind Regards
Janine Medcalf
 
Hello Janine,

Apart from the obvious teenage element of this, could it be that there are some issues he has which he finds hard to articulate? Losing temper is easy for me to do (I'm 40!!) when I find I can't explain something to someone, or especially when I say something once and have to repeat myself. It is exceedingly frustrating to have to explain myself in the first place(!)

There might be several things layered on top of each other which means that the conversation gets detailed over the first issue of him bullying his brother. Is there a trigger in the way his brother speaks to him for example?

Sorry I can't really help. Aspergers is different for everyone, and I can't think of a simple answer to bypass his anger.
 
what you could try is create a morning scedulde, so he can wake up and stay a little longer in bed before he needs to get up(helps me a big deal. If I don't I'm as grumpy as f**k and everything said to me I get mad about.
 
But yes, as Tarragon said, Aspergers is different for everyone so you have to try a lot of things and see what the best works.
 
Hey this sounds a lot like me in the mornings! I can never get up and my mom is always getting angry with me and never know why. I also have this habit of wanting to hurt my sister just to get all my stress out. Yes, I am 13 also, like your son.

Hello and Welcome!! :)
 
Hi All,
Thank you so much for all your advice. I just want to understand him better. I sometimes feel like a bad mother when I loose my patience with him. His really an intelligent boy and his reasoning in arguments even makes me confused. I don't know when I should be firm with him, because sometimes I think he knows how to manipulate a situation or when to back off and let him vent. He does have an outlet, He exercises continuously. Beyond Obsessive. He has list all over his walls on training schedules. He is also obsessed in being a superhero. Especially Spiderman and he wants to find a way on how to change his genetics. I know its seems silly but he is extremely serious on the idea. I don't want to break his spirit, but I want him to also think logically about life in general. to me its a constant psychological war game. Shew! I am glad I can express my feelings now. Thanks all.
 
Janine Medcalf said:
Hi All,
Thank you so much for all your advice. I just want to understand him better. I sometimes feel like a bad mother when I loose my patience with him. His really an intelligent boy and his reasoning in arguments even makes me confused. I don't know when I should be firm with him, because sometimes I think he knows how to manipulate a situation or when to back off and let him vent. He does have an outlet, He exercises continuously. Beyond Obsessive. He has list all over his walls on training schedules. He is also obsessed in being a superhero. Especially Spiderman and he wants to find a way on how to change his genetics. I know its seems silly but he is extremely serious on the idea. I don't want to break his spirit, but I want him to also think logically about life in general. to me its a constant psychological war game. Shew! I am glad I can express my feelings now. Thanks all.
Click to expand...
Hmm...has he ever seen a therapist?
 
Yes he has seen a therapist. The therapist says that he has a mild form of Aspies. Because he can still be in mainstream school. Do you think I should take him to a therapist? I heard that Aspies also suffer severe depression. I don't want him to go through that alone if he does suffer.
 
Well, if you two are struggling together, perhaps it would be beneficial. Especially if you yourself feel lost, or are unsure if he is manipulating you; it may even be beneficial for the two of you to go to a session together.
 
Vanilla said:
Well, if you two are struggling together, perhaps it would be beneficial. Especially if you yourself feel lost, or are unsure if he is manipulating you; it may even be beneficial for the two of you to go to a session together.
Click to expand...
That's called family therapy here in the Netherlands, everyone of the family gets involved in the therapy so in the end they all get along better with each other.
 
Thanks for the advise. I really needed the guidance.
I have to view things realistically in order to understand what is required by me and my hubby other than the normal day to day situations. I know that there will be sudden reactions that are not consider normal, I just don't want to over react if these situations should arise.
 
Janine Medcalf said:
Thanks for the advise. I really needed the guidance.
I have to view things realistically in order to understand what is required by me and my hubby other than the normal day to day situations. I know that there will be sudden reactions that are not consider normal, I just don't want to over react if these situations should arise.
Click to expand...
Let us know how things go :)
 
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