Thomas Yeow
New Member
Hello everyone, I'm a 20 y/o Malaysian/Polish mongrel, currently residing in Poland. I first self-diagnosed myself with Aspergers at about 15 years of age, though as someone who spends a lot of time reflecting on the natural biases in my own and human thought in general, I've always had doubts as to whether or not that diagnosis was correct(I might've been using it to, for example, exonerate myself of my failures, or just assuage my need to feel unique).
From primary school up to now, my social situation has managed to replicate itself across 3 different schools, and 2 very different countries, and I'm wondering if fellow male aspies can relate: In a fresh environment, I'd start out by being completely asocial, using my best impression of friendly behaviour when approached by someone. Over time, if there's a social reject in the class, I'd get very close to him, usually by his initiative, and if there're any more such rejects in the space, they'd gravitate towards us and form a group of rejects who'd have fun times together. I've never felt a total sense of commonality or kinship between any of my friends, though, even the one individual with which I'm closest at the time, and I'm very often extremely frustrated with him especially. Recently I even elected to isolate myself entirely from my current group of friends, telling them that I don't want to meet because of our incompatible personalities, leaving me friendless for the summer, which is why I joined this site.
I've always found some aspects of my social needs better satisfied in the writing and videos of people like Richard Dawkins(my first love, so to speak, with "The God Delusion" at the age of 13), Sam Harris, Nick Bostrom, Max Tegmark etc., and I deeply long for companionship with a similar person. This might sound pretentious, and it may very well be, as I suspect I'm a rather arrogant guy, but it is the truest expression of my social desires I've ever made.
As for romantic life, I've forced myself to initiate contact with girls I was interested in a few times in my life, and luckily enough, initially received positive feedback every time(which is only ~4 times, mind you). After getting to know each other better, however, its always been the case that either I find her too neurotypical and lose interest, or she discerns some flaw in me(still looking for the culprit) and leaves. Not my biggest concern, in any case. I'm fairly confident someone great will come up sooner or later.
In other news, I'm nominally interested in programming, and am currently mustering up the willpower to finally finish and publish a small video game.
Excited to hear from anyone with experiences that mirror mine, or someone with expertise and opinions on my diagnosis!
From primary school up to now, my social situation has managed to replicate itself across 3 different schools, and 2 very different countries, and I'm wondering if fellow male aspies can relate: In a fresh environment, I'd start out by being completely asocial, using my best impression of friendly behaviour when approached by someone. Over time, if there's a social reject in the class, I'd get very close to him, usually by his initiative, and if there're any more such rejects in the space, they'd gravitate towards us and form a group of rejects who'd have fun times together. I've never felt a total sense of commonality or kinship between any of my friends, though, even the one individual with which I'm closest at the time, and I'm very often extremely frustrated with him especially. Recently I even elected to isolate myself entirely from my current group of friends, telling them that I don't want to meet because of our incompatible personalities, leaving me friendless for the summer, which is why I joined this site.
I've always found some aspects of my social needs better satisfied in the writing and videos of people like Richard Dawkins(my first love, so to speak, with "The God Delusion" at the age of 13), Sam Harris, Nick Bostrom, Max Tegmark etc., and I deeply long for companionship with a similar person. This might sound pretentious, and it may very well be, as I suspect I'm a rather arrogant guy, but it is the truest expression of my social desires I've ever made.
As for romantic life, I've forced myself to initiate contact with girls I was interested in a few times in my life, and luckily enough, initially received positive feedback every time(which is only ~4 times, mind you). After getting to know each other better, however, its always been the case that either I find her too neurotypical and lose interest, or she discerns some flaw in me(still looking for the culprit) and leaves. Not my biggest concern, in any case. I'm fairly confident someone great will come up sooner or later.
In other news, I'm nominally interested in programming, and am currently mustering up the willpower to finally finish and publish a small video game.
Excited to hear from anyone with experiences that mirror mine, or someone with expertise and opinions on my diagnosis!
