Help! Advice on social skill builder apps?

[KyRN]

I'm trying to pick an app for both myself (aspie woman) and my 10 year old daughter. She's becoming s social pariah at school, and it's killing me I don't know how to help her in learning social skills, and I read some online info advising to try apps. Any suggestions? Idk if it's bc there are too many and I can't decide, or if I'm picking one that's age appropriate, or what haha! Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Anyone use an app for their child or themselves?

 

[ChurchTheArtist]

I'm going to put this out here and you don't have to take it because I know there is a lot of stigma involved... but I can explain why it may help.

I recently got back into *sigh* World of Warcraft since it seems to be the only way to connect with my NT little brother. It's been a few years and I have grown a lot since I last played so now I'm a little better at it.

Here's the thing- it forces you to be exposed to people on a different level than something like Facebook or Twitter or any forum. Any time you are in a populated area, you can watch and see how people behave. It does show the immature and goofy side a lot and that is still part of learning and growing, but there's more to it.

It is good to be kind and social when in the game. It's also good to be on a high population PvP (player vs player) server as it not only comes with lots of people, cut also teaches how some people can be out to harm you for the fun of it (like in real life). In this you start to learn how to assess characters from a distance and learn to pick and choose your fights wisely.

You will be encouraged to branch out and find groups of strangers to do quests with and this really helps with socializing! You don't have to talk about hobbies, religion, parents or anything heavy or important! You get the chance to talk about the game and your character, learning how to play better. A good avatar of life learning actually. You are brought to people with a common goal and interest who aren't concerned with your diagnosis.

Not everyone who plays this game is some loser nurd with no life and doesn't shower. There are all kinds of kids and adults who get on just to enjoy the "Tonka" life since if things get bad- you just log off. Many people discredit WoW players but that's usually based on a very small frame of view or in ignorance altogether.

Another point on social skills- it teaches you how to pick up on lingo, jargin and unwritten rules! You have to ask people what these acronyms mean and there is always some aspect of this massive game that can be researched and learned! It does teach you how to actively pick up on an unfamiliar social environment pretty well.

Once you are good in learning people as friends and groups, you get into guilds. These are player run factions with player set rules that often are geared towards accomplishing specific goals.

In the long run- you get into what are called raids which are these deep dungeons that require large teams to cooperate properly to get through. Playing in a group is quick and easy and is paced by 2-4 people on average and is kept pretty easy and fun. Groups of players who can grow to be casual game friends often find it good to start coming up with strategies to play with each other as a small team. This is when you learn how to use peoples' strengths and weaknesses. Raids are far more in that regard. Raids can be easily over 25 people and are very difficult. They require the use of teamwork and strategy. If you are in a raid party and don't care enough to do your part, you will eventually be kicked out. This is social law. You learn to take direction from raid leaders and guild members. You learn to change your play style in order to better benefit the team as a whole. You learn to multitask like crazy as well as run numbers in your head. And you have to do all this while communicating with people.

WoW does have quite a lot of aspects that help teach people how to be social and likeable. Also, the very first and most valuable lesson you can take from this game is how to fight addiction and procrastination. You set times to play and goals both in and out of game. If you can simply manage your game time without it ruining your life- you have an invaluable skill.

It's best to learn, also, that most people can be lazy jerks on WoW because learning these lessons in the game mean you are rarely out of any damage. You won't loose real money (unless you do everything wrong) and no one will steel you car or take your house in a divorce or not mail your paycheck...
You learn the condition of people without endangering your real life.

There are many learning aspects to the game if you play it right.

 

[Ylva]

realsocialskills.org is a blog.

Reading novels with realistic children behaving realistically might help a bit, but if she's like me she runs the risk of scripting from them. The Secret Garden is probably the one that helped me most at her age. Ronja Robber's Daughter for interacting with adults, boys, and mortal enemies.

 

[KyRN]

Church- I've played WoW, not extensively but when I was younger I really liked it. RPGs were what I preferred when it game to video or computer games... Haha, I loved playing this game called champions of norath? I think that's what it was called. Idk how much help it would provide my daughter tho; she doesn't play video games and I'd probably not encourage her to unless it was something all the other girls at school were playing (to help her fit in).

I was thinking more of an interactive app or game that explains social interaction. Like a game that oh, your on the bus and someone sits next to you, so you do what? And then gives appropriate responses to choose from. Make sense? I want something to help teach her what to say and WHY you should acknowledge someone who sits next to you on the bus instead of turning and staring out the window.

 

[KyRN]

realsocialskills.org is a blog.

Reading novels with realistic children behaving realistically might help a bit, but if she's like me she runs the risk of scripting from them. The Secret Garden is probably the one that helped me most at her age. Ronja Robber's Daughter for interacting with adults, boys, and mortal enemies.

She definitely scripts. She reads all the time, and I can tell what books she's been reading by listening to her talk... It's mostly a good thing, until her script runs out. Then she withdraws and doesn't say anything because she doesn't know how to continue the conversation.

 

[Ylva]

She definitely scripts. She reads all the time, and I can tell what books she's been reading by listening to her talk... It's mostly a good thing, until her script runs out. Then she withdraws and doesn't say anything because she doesn't know how to continue the conversation.

I know, now that I'm pushing thirty, that quoting stuff isn't a viable way of bonding with most people, but you could try to meet her there anyway.

Once I was upset and shutty and a friend who happened to be there helpfully said:
"Be prepared? Sure, we'll be prepared! For what?"
And since I knew what to say to that I said:
"For the death of the king!"
And everything pretty much worked itself out from there.

 

[Vinca]

Church- I've played WoW, not extensively but when I was younger I really liked it. RPGs were what I preferred when it game to video or computer games... Haha, I loved playing this game called champions of norath? I think that's what it was called. Idk how much help it would provide my daughter tho; she doesn't play video games and I'd probably not encourage her to unless it was something all the other girls at school were playing (to help her fit in).

I was thinking more of an interactive app or game that explains social interaction. Like a game that oh, your on the bus and someone sits next to you, so you do what? And then gives appropriate responses to choose from. Make sense? I want something to help teach her what to say and WHY you should acknowledge someone who sits next to you on the bus instead of turning and staring out the window.

A game or app along the lines of what you have described would be great!

I don't know of a game or app, but have you looked at any of the Alis Rowe books? She has written visual guides for specific age ranges, for example Asperger's Syndrome in 8-11 Year Olds: by the girl with the curly hair: Volume 7 (The Visual Guides)

 

[zurb]

To be honest, I've not been particularly impressed by these sorts of apps, and neither have my kids.
They suggest a senario like: You want to make friends. You see a girl with a kitten. Do you punch her lights out and steal the kitten, or sit down and say 'cute kitten, may I pat it.'
OK, I exaggerate, but everybody knows what they 'should' do in the game. Real life is different due to less contrived situations and stress. Hey, the issue isn't even how I should treat the girl. How do I get the courage to do anything? If I do say something, how do I get it to come out my mouth right? How should I approach them so they haven't written me off before I even open my mouth? How is it NTs get away with breaking all the 'social rules', and I don't. The apps don't answer these questions!

 

[KyRN]

I know, now that I'm pushing thirty, that quoting stuff isn't a viable way of bonding with most people, but you could try to meet her there anyway.

Once I was upset and shutty and a friend who happened to be there helpfully said:
"Be prepared? Sure, we'll be prepared! For what?"
And since I knew what to say to that I said:
"For the death of the king!"
And everything pretty much worked itself out from there.

Hahaha no I agree scripting is and can be helpful... But what I can tell this isn't helping her at school. I can't tell!!! I'm in the same boat she is so... From what I understand she's apparently not reading from the, "right," scripts and the other girls think she's weird

 

[KyRN]

To be honest, I've not been particularly impressed by these sorts of apps, and neither have my kids.
They suggest a senario like: You want to make friends. You see a girl with a kitten. Do you punch her lights out and steal the kitten, or sit down and say 'cute kitten, may I pat it.'
OK, I exaggerate, but everybody knows what they 'should' do in the game. Real life is different due to less contrived situations and stress. Hey, the issue isn't even how I should treat the girl. How do I get the courage to do anything? If I do say something, how do I get it to come out my mouth right? How should I approach them so they haven't written me off before I even open my mouth? How is it NTs get away with breaking all the 'social rules', and I don't. The apps don't answer these questions!

Well... Ok thanks for your opinion. What you say makes sense, and my daughter would be quick to dismiss something like that. I know she has trouble with thinking of how to keep a conversation going so I thought maybe an app...? Idk!

 

[KyRN]

Oh and vinca, thanks! I'll order it I just finished, "the don't freak out guide to: parenting kids with asperger's," and... Ehhhh*shrug*

 

[KyRN]

A game or app along the lines of what you have described would be great!

I don't know of a game or app, but have you looked at any of the Alis Rowe books? She has written visual guides for specific age ranges, for example Asperger's Syndrome in 8-11 Year Olds: by the girl with the curly hair: Volume 7 (The Visual Guides)

I forgot to quote your post! Thanks. Any suggestions for HER? Like that she could read and feel like maybe it's a story about a girl who's awesome but misunderstood like herself? Without asperger's in the title? I haven't discussed the fact that I KNOW she has Aspergers and I'm in the process of getting her diagnosed.

 

[Ylva]

Hahaha no I agree scripting is and can be helpful... But what I can tell this isn't helping her at school. I can't tell!!! I'm in the same boat she is so... From what I understand she's apparently not reading from the, "right," scripts and the other girls think she's weird

Maybe remaining silent and observing will help. For her, I mean.

 

[KyRN]

That makes me so feel so anxious. Yea. Idk why I think I can keep it from being hard for her when I lived it and know it's just plain hard.

 

[KyRN]

To be honest, I've not been particularly impressed by these sorts of apps, and neither have my kids.
They suggest a senario like: You want to make friends. You see a girl with a kitten. Do you punch her lights out and steal the kitten, or sit down and say 'cute kitten, may I pat it.'
OK, I exaggerate, but everybody knows what they 'should' do in the game. Real life is different due to less contrived situations and stress. Hey, the issue isn't even how I should treat the girl. How do I get the courage to do anything? If I do say something, how do I get it to come out my mouth right? How should I approach them so they haven't written me off before I even open my mouth? How is it NTs get away with breaking all the 'social rules', and I don't. The apps don't answer these questions!

Because of your post I spent 3 hours researching, "tween," books I found a few and ordered them, so I guess I'm saying thank you for your input!