help explaining motives to a friend

[gonzo]

i mess up every close friendship i have. i do fine untili start to get close to people then i have problems showing appropriate levels of affection. example i used to have problems getting drunk and hitting on girls inappropriately( not because i like them like that but because thats what normal people do). most people dumped me after one **** up but i have had one for the last year or so that finally willing put up with me. shes amazing , most of the time a beautiful and understanding person. but lately shes been attaching a lot of extra meaning to my actions. she wants me to admit to somthing and its so far from my actual motivations that i cant guess what that could be. and im trying to explain it to her but she clams im in denial. i will explan more if needed, but dose anyone have any advice. i would pefur not to frame it in my asb she she knows about it but she dosent respond well if she fells like im useing it as an escuse.


ps i havent done a lot of resurch is my slow typing a part of abs or my other brain problems i havent quite got it state yet.no matter how much i pratice i dont get over a few words a min

 

[Datura]

It is pretty much impossible to provide advise without knowing the specifics of your situation.
What actions is your girl friend criticizing, what is her interpretation of your motivations and how does that contrast with reality?

 

[Slithytoves]

but lately shes been attaching a lot of extra meaning to my actions. she wants me to admit to somthing and its so far from my actual motivations that i cant guess what that could be. and im trying to explain it to her but she clams im in denial. i will explan more if needed, but dose anyone have any advice. i would pefur not to frame it in my asb she she knows about it but she dosent respond well if she fells like im useing it as an escuse.[/QUOTE]


Hi, Gonzo. Welcome to AC. I'm glad you found us.

I agree with Datura that we need to know more about your situation. I understand that you say you type slowly, so just give us some basics and we can work with you from there, if that's easier for you.

In case this guess is accurate: Do you think she wants you to admit that you love her? I ask this because you say she's "attaching a lot of extra meaning to your actions," and you say you have trouble "showing appropriate levels of affection." A girlfriend may start looking for signs of "love" after you've been together for a while, and she may hint about it rather than ask you outright.

There is a possibility that she suspects you're on the spectrum, but unless she knows someone else who is or you've mentioned the word before, I doubt she'd know enough about it to be wondering. Another possibility it that she suspects you have ADHD, since you say you have "other brain problems." I'd bet that my first suggestion is more likely the case.

It wouldn't be an excuse for you to say that you don't understand what's she's trying to get you to admit because you have Asperger's (it's shorter to type it as "AS", if that helps). Inability to perceive subtle, indirect communication is a primary symptom of the condition. It's up to you if you want to tell her about your AS or not, but it might help the two of you communicate much better. NTs ("neurotypicals" -- non-autistics) use a lot of indirect and nonverbal language that is a very real problem for many Aspies.

I hope this helps. I look forward to reading your additional information.

 

[gonzo]

Sry y'all i switched to my computer last night thinking it would be easier and just ended up getting frustrated. I'm on my phone now that usaly goes smoother. My other brain problems are I had brain damage as a baby it effectived my comucation part of my brain it all still there but in the wrong place. Iv had trouble figuring out what is that and what my ab.
To start off with she's just my friend I don't have any romantic aspersions. I know she's thought iv had a crush in the past but she's always been OK with it. She's gay and I'm not sure but I'm asexual or close.
But the situation is in the year iv been close with her she's been through a lot and I thought the way I could show her how much she means to me was to be there for her any time she needs anything. I've given her a lot of money without ever asking for anything back. Every time it was a she needs this or she's homeless tipe deals.
She was suicideal at one point and I overreacted and got to protective over her. But when I calamed down because she said she didn't like me worrying so much. She said I seem fake and started saying that I have an alterive moitive dealing with her. She is convinceed that I have some motive and she's giving me hents but its like she isn't going to be happy till I amite to whatever she decided my motivates are.
I can tell this is an common problem with people who have ab just reading some of the things they wrote. I don't think I'm doing a good job explaining though lol