• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Help for my wife that is on the spectrum

The Lorax

The Lorax

Well-Known Member
My wife is the main money maker of the family. She gets fired often for being on the spectrum. She isn't fully aware of what is appropriate to say at work and what isn't. I tell her at every job "those people are NOT your friends" but she gets so excited at her work that she forgets.

She has now been put on notice for saying something offensive during a meeting. Apparently many people complained about what she said. To me it wasn't even offensive and just part of this silly oversensitive culture we have now. I wonder if HR is making things up just to have reasons to fire her due to her depression. She has not been as productive in the past 2 months due to her depression and the situation at home.

She dove into a deep depression the last 2 months suffering from PTSD for the last 6 months. I am suffering such a high level of anxiety it is showing on my blood work. Our son turned 15 and his mental disorders worsened: anxiety and depression. It makes living with him in the home difficult. Which caused her depression and my anxiety. He is refusing therapy but is taking his medication. We walk on eggshells not to upset him or he can get violent, on himself, and destructive, on objects in the home.

So she took LTDI, long term disability insurance, at work when she started 18m ago. I fear they will fire her very soon and are just building up a case against her. We are considering her taking LTDI + SSDI now as it is becoming harder and harder for her to work due to her age for two reasons. #1 as we get older our bodies and brains don't work as well. #2 because she is older and has had too many jobs it will become more difficult to find one. But we are afraid they will fire her before we can. I know most insurances like this allow you to file a claim even if you get fired.

Anyone with experience with this please post. We are at a critical junction as my son can't handle regular school anymore. We just put him in private school for the fall. But if she gets fired we can't afford it anymore. And he refuses to go to regular school.

In our state because our son is not 16 yet and we can get arrested if the school board finds he is truant. CPS can take him also.

Once he turns 16 he can take his GED. He is brilliant being 2 years ahead.
 
There are free online schools. The one we applied for gave my daughter a lap top that we returned at the end of school year. This was 8th grade when l couldn't homeschool her. She transitioned nicely to a performing arts school for HS. She is now in her final year of Uni. You can say you are homeschooling. I think l had to turn in a report card in the state l was in once a year. Your state may have the same or different requirements.
 
Last edited:
I think you both need less stress. You try so hard for the best you can do, but these job situations sound difficult and stressful.

Yes employers do tend to go down a route of action if the person needs significant absences whatever for. They can sometimes be able to do so on grounds that we have to be available to attend and do work, to be employed, and there are specified limits to that.

Could you not all be happier and more able to enjoy life with your sights set less high? It's great that your son's brilliant, but your wife's brilliant too, it just doesn't always go with standard ways of being in a job. But happiness is still an achievable goal, for all of you, with maybe less striving and more acceptance of the downsides the conditions can sometimes have.
 
She 100% qualifies for SSDI and we do have a disability lawyer. But frequent job loss was something I didn't think about as a reason.

As for our son he just made the situation worse at home. He had a destructive violent meltdown that put a huge hole in the wall. We keep trying to get his medication right but the ones that work have horrible side effects on him. He is becoming more and more violent with his anger outbursts and refuses to go to therapy. His violence is not directed at us but it is impacting our work. Ironically his autism is the least disabling of his issues. The sensory issues, depression, anxiety, and anger are far worse. His ADD we believe is gone or very under control.
 
We had some impulse management issues with our ASD2 son.
His GP (but not his psychiatrist) thought that we were abusing him whenever we stopped him from attacking his toddler siblings.

Shortly before his 18yo birthday, a local group home let him come into their system. He jumped at the chance.

We still care about him, but his outbursts are now their problem. Had he stayed, as an adult, we would have been legally vulnerable every time we had to physically intervene. He is in a supervised apartment, now (at 34).

Our ASD3 daughter (27) is more manageable, and still at home (as my ward).
 
Another set of holes in the wall today. I gave him an out with a punching bag in the garage. I told him more holes = consequences. I explained to him that this is our home and taking your anger out on the walls and objects is not appropriate behavior.

The Lamotril helped his depression but increased his irritability and anxiety.
The Abilify worked great but give him bad restlessness. He was motivated.
So now the doctor is removing the Lamotril and replacing it with Risperdal.

We are hoping this works. We are running out of options. He doesn't take his anger out on us. He hugs us beating himself up for his mental issues (figuratively but on rare occasion literally) He knows we are trying to help him. He refuses to go to therapy.
 
Crossbreed said:
We had some impulse management issues with our ASD2 son.
His GP (but not his psychiatrist) thought that we were abusing him whenever we stopped him from attacking his toddler siblings.

Shortly before his 18yo birthday, a local group home let him come into their system. He jumped at the chance.

We still care about him, but his outbursts are now their problem. Had he stayed, as an adult, we would have been legally vulnerable every time we had to physically intervene. He is in a supervised apartment, now (at 34).

Our ASD3 daughter (27) is more manageable, and still at home (as my ward).
Click to expand...

That's terrible the doctor thought you were abusing him. I assume there was no facility to take care of him before 18.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom