Help. I'm becoming more anxious and angry everyday

[Jorg]

Welp, I need help I guess, for years I've felt the good inside me has decreased day after day and now I can't stand to be around people. I feel very frustrated and cynic with the years.

As some of you know I'm an engineering student, it is said that the one I'm taking (electronic) is one of the hardest carrers in my country if not the hardest. I've been failing several courses because I tend to learn everything and well I feel a big, huge sense of responsability while I grow as professional, and something I find very frustrated because I keep failing while I listen to others saying they don't care what is what if the matter is to pass than to really learn, people who I listen talking about how wasted they got on weekends and not studying at all while I really want to learn. Even in such "closed/nerd" environment (my college only offers engineering programs) I often feel alone or weird. I have some friends but I consider them more like colleagues for work, not the kind of people you could form a friendship.

On the other hand I can't stand the news, good lord, every day some idiot politician messed up, stole money or **** thing up. I can't stand how everyday someone kills themselves in a car/bike accident because they didn't follow road rules (can you imagine 53% of bikers in my country don't have a license?!), tired of watching how robbers and criminals get suddenly free because prisons are full and they get a precaution while evidences and trials are arranged.

And the one worries the most, I can't even stand being in my home with my family, I mean I love them but the noise they make while I try to study, my bedroom shares walls with the kitchen and the laundry room so If I want to study and my mother cooks or washes laundry I can't do it, the washing machine is half yard from my desk where I'm writing this post!. I concluded that the only option is to go college's library even if I don't have classes that day...but sometimes even in the individual rooms, which in teory no one should talk, I find people gossip and talking.

I'm really worried because sometimes I feel "darkness" growing inside of me and I wasn't that way, I've become a very pessimistic/darker soul...

 

[Ylva]

My mother keeps suggesting I get soundproof hearing protection. The only reason I hesitate is that when I have tried on such items, I still hear the whooshing sound of the blood flow in my ears… and I still hear sounds outside, albeit softened ones.

Other than that there is meditation for stress, NLP to stop caring what braggarts do with their weekends, and philosophy for the pessimism. The last one may backfire.

Also it seems a bit rude to place the laundry machine on the wall shared with your room.

 

[Questella]

I guess cranking some music to drown out all the nonsense wouldn't work for you?

Also it seems a bit rude to place the laundry machine on the wall shared with your room.

laundry machines just tend to be where ever the original designers felt they fit, mines on the wall of my room too and sometimes the spin cycle shakes me bed! Ugh
My dads is right in his kitchen behind a folding door, it's not a room at all, they even have a full basement but I guess they thought it would be easier to access in the kitchen, now that he's all old I'm sure he's a fan of it being on the main floor.

 

[Jorg]

I have a pair of in-earphones which isolate sound very good but when I'm studyng I need to listen to myself, idk I guess I feel too much isolated.

The problem is because my room, kitchen and garden were not like this before, around 2013 my mother decided to make some remodelations and well, they destroyed a bedroom I loved to build the kitchen and I was moved to an smaller room besides it, and for some reason they made all the water conections just in front of my current room. And it is not only the washing machine, the dryer is half yard in front of me.

My house is a single floor and here every house is next to other, just 2 walls from each other, here we don't have like a garden between houses. If I move to a room in front house there are a couple of karaoke bars and a comunal saloon where sometimes people make parties.

 

[Questella]

I have a pair of in-earphones which isolate sound very good but when I'm studyng I need to listen to myself, idk I guess I feel too much isolated.

The problem is because my room, kitchen and garden were not like this before, around 2013 my mother decided to make some remodelations and well, they destroyed a bedroom I loved to build the kitchen and I was moved to an smaller room besides it, and for some reason they made all the water conections just in front of my current room. And it is not only the washing machine, the dryer is half yard in front of me.

My house is a single floor and here every house is next to other, just 2 walls from each other, here we don't have like a garden between houses. If I move to a room in front house there are a couple of karaoke bars and a comunal saloon where sometimes people make parties.

Ugh, was she hoping you'd be moving out when she claimed on your room?

 

[Full Steam]

I can relate to some of what you're going through.

Firstly I also started my career as an electronic engineer, and while I breezed some of it, i found elements extremely difficult. The hardest for me was electrical principles as it was mostly algebraic formula, and this I'm very weak in, as are most visual thinkers.

I remember saying that the 2 year course was the hardest thing I ever did.

I, and most of the other graduates, ended up in IT as electronics changed (this was 30 years ago).

IT suited me well as it's often fast paced and pure logic, so no analogue stuff to contend with.

I also relate to the feeling of internal darkness. It's gone now, and I only noticed because of your post, but it felt like a dark deep well that was always there, but became more or less apparent.

I went through a spiritual phase and many things in my life fell away, maybe that did too.

Part of what I went through was the realisation that what I actually am, is neither mind, nor body, nor my thoughts, but the stillness behind experience. Maybe the stillness was the black void, and it just seemed dark because I never turned the light of my attention onto it.

 

[Full Steam]

I have a pair of in-earphones which isolate sound very good but when I'm studyng I need to listen to myself, idk I guess I feel too much isolated.

The problem is because my room, kitchen and garden were not like this before, around 2013 my mother decided to make some remodelations and well, they destroyed a bedroom I loved to build the kitchen and I was moved to an smaller room besides it, and for some reason they made all the water conections just in front of my current room. And it is not only the washing machine, the dryer is half yard in front of me.

My house is a single floor and here every house is next to other, just 2 walls from each other, here we don't have like a garden between houses. If I move to a room in front house there are a couple of karaoke bars and a comunal saloon where sometimes people make parties.

Have you tried study music, binaural beats that type of thing?

The right frequency sound aids concentration, but most others will harm it.

Spotify has some good study play list that I use sometimes for work. I do need silence for some stuff though.

 

[gregmcph]

It might not be an option for you, but when I find the world squashing in, I drive out of the city to a forest, get out of the car and just sit for a while. Just the sound of wind in the trees, birds, the creaking of the bark as trees sway.

No music, no distractions. Just the sound of trees.

There's gotta be a park or a quiet spot by a river... A Hidden Place Just For You. Find it.

I can understand the chatter of news and social media can get you mad about Everything. Everything seems horrible. In a crisis. Everyone seems stupid, wicked.
So kill all the media. Turn off the TV, stop reading crazy websites and Twitter and Facebook. Turn off all that mental noise as much as you can.

And... if students are getting drunk and partying.... it's not you're problem. Seriously. They do what they do. You do what you do. You've really gotta let that go.

 

[Full Steam]

Yes, I deliberately block out news when I need to as it does me no good.

 

[Judge]

Yes, I deliberately block out news when I need to as it does me no good.

At times so do I. Though at my own peril working in finance.

 

[Mary Horsley]

Welp, I need help I guess, for years I've felt the good inside me has decreased day after day and now I can't stand to be around people. I feel very frustrated and cynic with the years.

As some of you know I'm an engineering student, it is said that the one I'm taking (electronic) is one of the hardest carrers in my country if not the hardest. I've been failing several courses because I tend to learn everything and well I feel a big, huge sense of responsability while I grow as professional, and something I find very frustrated because I keep failing while I listen to others saying they don't care what is what if the matter is to pass than to really learn, people who I listen talking about how wasted they got on weekends and not studying at all while I really want to learn. Even in such "closed/nerd" environment (my college only offers engineering programs) I often feel alone or weird. I have some friends but I consider them more like colleagues for work, not the kind of people you could form a friendship.

On the other hand I can't stand the news, good lord, every day some idiot politician messed up, stole money or **** thing up. I can't stand how everyday someone kills themselves in a car/bike accident because they didn't follow road rules (can you imagine 53% of bikers in my country don't have a license?!), tired of watching how robbers and criminals get suddenly free because prisons are full and they get a precaution while evidences and trials are arranged.

And the one worries the most, I can't even stand being in my home with my family, I mean I love them but the noise they make while I try to study, my bedroom shares walls with the kitchen and the laundry room so If I want to study and my mother cooks or washes laundry I can't do it, the washing machine is half yard from my desk where I'm writing this post!. I concluded that the only option is to go college's library even if I don't have classes that day...but sometimes even in the individual rooms, which in teory no one should talk, I find people gossip and talking.

I'm really worried because sometimes I feel "darkness" growing inside of me and I wasn't that way, I've become a very pessimistic/darker soul...

I hear you, Jorg. But you must make yourself the light that others see.

 

[Full Steam]

Have you ever looked at Glutamate as a possible cause?

Glutamate is an excitory neurotransmitter that's balanced by GABA - a calming neurotransmitter.

I know mine is way out of balance, and avoiding glutamate food and taking GABA helps a lot.

This seems very common in autism, and I've had my genes sequenced & I have mutations in a gene called GAD which converts Glutamate to GABA, or in my case, doesn't convert it.

If I eat more than a small amount of high glutamate foods I get extremely irritable very quickly, and almost like electric feeling under my skin, and I';m very quick to anger.

Eggs, nuts, large amounts of meat, gelatin cause this in me.

 

[selfhatetoselflove]

My therapist suggested me to use headphone instead of earphones when I find some noise I can't stand. I understand the sensory issues you mentioned and I think you're getting more sensitive to more things than before. How about taking a walk, doing yoga, going to see animals etc.? I find riding horses (or touching them, seeing them), yoga and nature are helpful for myself when I'm sensory overloaded. Maybe tomorrow, you'll feel good side of you more, and everybody has both good and bad sides, so you're not alone. Try some things you like maybe?

Welp, I need help I guess, for years I've felt the good inside me has decreased day after day and now I can't stand to be around people. I feel very frustrated and cynic with the years.

As some of you know I'm an engineering student, it is said that the one I'm taking (electronic) is one of the hardest carrers in my country if not the hardest. I've been failing several courses because I tend to learn everything and well I feel a big, huge sense of responsability while I grow as professional, and something I find very frustrated because I keep failing while I listen to others saying they don't care what is what if the matter is to pass than to really learn, people who I listen talking about how wasted they got on weekends and not studying at all while I really want to learn. Even in such "closed/nerd" environment (my college only offers engineering programs) I often feel alone or weird. I have some friends but I consider them more like colleagues for work, not the kind of people you could form a friendship.

On the other hand I can't stand the news, good lord, every day some idiot politician messed up, stole money or **** thing up. I can't stand how everyday someone kills themselves in a car/bike accident because they didn't follow road rules (can you imagine 53% of bikers in my country don't have a license?!), tired of watching how robbers and criminals get suddenly free because prisons are full and they get a precaution while evidences and trials are arranged.

And the one worries the most, I can't even stand being in my home with my family, I mean I love them but the noise they make while I try to study, my bedroom shares walls with the kitchen and the laundry room so If I want to study and my mother cooks or washes laundry I can't do it, the washing machine is half yard from my desk where I'm writing this post!. I concluded that the only option is to go college's library even if I don't have classes that day...but sometimes even in the individual rooms, which in teory no one should talk, I find people gossip and talking.

I'm really worried because sometimes I feel "darkness" growing inside of me and I wasn't that way, I've become a very pessimistic/darker soul...

 

[RabbitHeartedGirl]

I have a pair of in-earphones which isolate sound very good but when I'm studyng I need to listen to myself, idk I guess I feel too much isolated.

The problem is because my room, kitchen and garden were not like this before, around 2013 my mother decided to make some remodelations and well, they destroyed a bedroom I loved to build the kitchen and I was moved to an smaller room besides it, and for some reason they made all the water conections just in front of my current room. And it is not only the washing machine, the dryer is half yard in front of me.

My house is a single floor and here every house is next to other, just 2 walls from each other, here we don't have like a garden between houses. If I move to a room in front house there are a couple of karaoke bars and a comunal saloon where sometimes people make parties.

Mostly NT female offering suggestions from my experience with difficulties adjusting as well as an ex with aspergers.

I've found myself in the Sat having extreme emotional and mental difficulties adjusting to people and situations that don't meet my requirements. With work, it's people who don't work as hard as I do, with respect to noise levels, it would be people who weren't constantly aware of the amount of noise they make either talking, or walking, moving things, etc.

I literally had to change my expectations on everyone else and adapt to the fact that I am only in control of myself. It helps a lot. It doesn't make everything magically easier or not frustrating at all, but it does help a lot.

I know it's sometimes difficult for aspies to look outside themselves this way, but give it some thought. What can you do to make these situations better for you? Noise cancelling earmuffs? So they aren't playing music but it's blocking out sound while you can still hear your own thoughts? Worry less about learning and remembering every lesson to decrease stress? Worry less about how others approach their studies/grades?

These are just suggestions, let me know if you think they might help or want ideas on how to implement.

 

[orphan]

Jorg, you are not alone.

I feel dark sometimes. In the past it has been overwhelming.
Meditation helped, strict diet ( regimen/ consistency), exercise. An out let... mine is the heavy bag.

Almost everyday I shake the shop. My bag is abused. It scares the neighbors. I had to move to a commercial property so the police can't do anything about the noise.

I hang the bag with a carabiner. I can break that with one hit, so it forces me to be more gentle, exacting, measured.
It swings away from me and I just strike when it comes back... hitting me with some resistance. Also bought it from a big chain store. The warranty is 12 months. I break it every 6 months... so I get a new one for free. Three years on this $140 bag.

Outlet. I must vent in a healthy way. Without that I end up with bad results. Find a simple outlet... something convenient and easy to access. Jogging, biking, pullups/dips, chopping firewood... something.

I can go from rage to smiles in about 10 minutes of venting.

Can you remember the most vexing thing in your life, one year ago? Not as large now, is it?

Life can be hard, but it is consistent.
We are hard nosed as well.
Must learn to enjoy the struggle.

 

[Jusdifferent]

I'm really worried because sometimes I feel "darkness" growing inside of me and I wasn't that way, I've become a very pessimistic/darker soul...[/QUOTE]

Honestly, these could be words out of my own mouth. You are still fairly young, though? ( I think? ) I am in my late 40's. Try living almost half a century as an Aspie in an NT world. ( Also, I am female, so some things are even a bit harder for me. ) The rage, the frustration, the disillusionment... It piles up like a mountain of ****, that you can no longer even see over. I hear you. I hear you, but I don't really know what to tell you. Try to find others like yourself, I suppose. Just knowing that you are not alone can really help. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. Good luck out there <3

 

[Jusdifferent]

Outlet. I must vent in a healthy way. Without that I end up with bad results. Find a simple outlet... something convenient and easy to access. Jogging, biking, pullups/dips, chopping firewood... something.


EXERCISE. YES. It has been my salvation. Truely. I do Tabata twice a day, and I lift - heavy, ( for my gender ).

A bag... HMmmmm.... Why, Orphan, you have "put a bee in my bonnet" I think - LOL!

My brain is buzzing, now...

QUESTION : I only work out alone. ( It is my time. ) I am assuming you have a workout buddy, which I could not tolerate. If, by any chance, you do not - how do you keep the bag "in place" - you know, keep it from swinging? *My leftie-brain is thinking up some sort of "out-rigger", but it would be too clumsy, I think?

Have you any ideas to share with a fellow enthusiast?

 

[Jusdifferent]

My therapist suggested me to use headphone instead of earphones when I find some noise I can't stand. I understand the sensory issues you mentioned and I think you're getting more sensitive to more things than before. How about taking a walk, doing yoga, going to see animals etc.? I find riding horses (or touching them, seeing them), yoga and nature are helpful for myself when I'm sensory overloaded. Maybe tomorrow, you'll feel good side of you more, and everybody has both good and bad sides, so you're not alone. Try some things you like maybe?

Yeah, yoga is good - good suggestion - any exercise, really. I do not go out in public without my MP3. It has been a life-saver/sanity-saver!

 

[Grandmother B]

Welp, I need help I guess, for years I've felt the good inside me has decreased day after day and now I can't stand to be around people. I feel very frustrated and cynic with the years.

As some of you know I'm an engineering student, it is said that the one I'm taking (electronic) is one of the hardest carrers in my country if not the hardest. I've been failing several courses because I tend to learn everything and well I feel a big, huge sense of responsability while I grow as professional, and something I find very frustrated because I keep failing while I listen to others saying they don't care what is what if the matter is to pass than to really learn, people who I listen talking about how wasted they got on weekends and not studying at all while I really want to learn. Even in such "closed/nerd" environment (my college only offers engineering programs) I often feel alone or weird. I have some friends but I consider them more like colleagues for work, not the kind of people you could form a friendship.

On the other hand I can't stand the news, good lord, every day some idiot politician messed up, stole money or **** thing up. I can't stand how everyday someone kills themselves in a car/bike accident because they didn't follow road rules (can you imagine 53% of bikers in my country don't have a license?!), tired of watching how robbers and criminals get suddenly free because prisons are full and they get a precaution while evidences and trials are arranged.

And the one worries the most, I can't even stand being in my home with my family, I mean I love them but the noise they make while I try to study, my bedroom shares walls with the kitchen and the laundry room so If I want to study and my mother cooks or washes laundry I can't do it, the washing machine is half yard from my desk where I'm writing this post!. I concluded that the only option is to go college's library even if I don't have classes that day...but sometimes even in the individual rooms, which in teory no one should talk, I find people gossip and talking.

I'm really worried because sometimes I feel "darkness" growing inside of me and I wasn't that way, I've become a very pessimistic/darker soul...

I hope that you will go to www.aspergerexperts.com. They have a lot of strategies for coping with anxieties and over whelm such as you have. They have Aspergers and understand all that you are going through. I admire you for slogging on in spite of your issues. I hope you can talk to your mother about how you feel and tell her that even though it may not make sense to her that maybe you can work something out, such as changing her laundry and cooking schedule. If she understands how much your well being depends on it, I think she will want to help you out. Also a therapist that works with people on the spectrum could also help. Best wishes and good luck to you!

 

[Blast off]

All I can say is I can relate to how you feel on almost evey aspect. For me a Bluetooth headset is absolutely necessary to drown out the noise wherever I go. Being home on the weekends is the worst having a kid and wife who are both screaming, and then making me feel guilty because I cannot interact much with them because of it. All I can say is hang in there, things have to get better right?? I can only hope. Good luck.