Help Just after other people views

[Mickndiane]

Hi everyone new on here but hope others in same situation can help or have point of view ,
Me and my partner have 4 young kids between us living together our son 10 years old has now been diagnosed as asburges we have 3 other girls 12 11 and 7 no issues with them , The problem at home is myself and my partner disagree and how to teach our son over his anger problems ansity etc We have such different views on it we use the strategies that advised own space etc , but the problem rise when he’s had his out burst hitting his mum kicking foul mouth abuse , my view is when he got to this stage he should be punished like all other children like they would be if they done wrong , for eg take iPad PlayStation off him for set time as feel only way he learn rite from wrong , he don’t like the things been taken away can often then ruse more kicking doors punching walls etc but eventually calms down , but the issue I’m having is mum just says he can’t help any if it shouldn’t take things from him he can’t help it , surly if he couldn’t help it he would hit anyone and everyone but it’s his mum he physically punch and kick pull her hair call her every name under the sun but I also get name calling and wish I was dead etc , his mum gives in gives him iPad etc back and says I have to give him it only way I can keep him calm , is this teaching him or confusing him say taken away for 5 days and mum gives back next day because he’s kicked off surly that not teaching him , but now mum says don’t take them at all as he can’t help any of it not his fault please another point of view be nice

 

[ksheehan88]

Hi everyone new on here but hope others in same situation can help or have point of view ,
Me and my partner have 4 young kids between us living together our son 10 years old has now been diagnosed as asburges we have 3 other girls 12 11 and 7 no issues with them , The problem at home is myself and my partner disagree and how to teach our son over his anger problems ansity etc We have such different views on it we use the strategies that advised own space etc , but the problem rise when he’s had his out burst hitting his mum kicking foul mouth abuse , my view is when he got to this stage he should be punished like all other children like they would be if they done wrong , for eg take iPad PlayStation off him for set time as feel only way he learn rite from wrong , he don’t like the things been taken away can often then ruse more kicking doors punching walls etc but eventually calms down , but the issue I’m having is mum just says he can’t help any if it shouldn’t take things from him he can’t help it , surly if he couldn’t help it he would hit anyone and everyone but it’s his mum he physically punch and kick pull her hair call her every name under the sun but I also get name calling and wish I was dead etc , his mum gives in gives him iPad etc back and says I have to give him it only way I can keep him calm , is this teaching him or confusing him say taken away for 5 days and mum gives back next day because he’s kicked off surly that not teaching him , but now mum says don’t take them at all as he can’t help any of it not his fault please another point of view be nice

You need to have a united front. It is likely he is being confused by these differences.

Children need to know right from wrong, even ones with Aspergers, but what works for NT kids may not work for ND kids.

The best advice I can give is to work out a plan for you and your wife to use to stop his outbursts before they happen - find out the triggers and nip it in the bud before it escalates as once you are in meltdown, you can't be coaxed out of it.

One thing I will say is he needs to know hitting is NOT ACCEPTABLE. You need to be firm, and consistent. I think removing his electronics when he has behaved badly is good but only when it is extreme, and you need to stand your ground and not keep giving in.

Rewarding positive behaviour works much better than punishing negative behaviour, but for extreme circumstances ie the hitting, he needs to know there are boundaries.

 

[Mickndiane]

Thank you so much for your reply the biggest trigger is as soon as my partner says no to something or he asked to do something he don’t like or want to do he has all the card on bedroom wall plus we set him up a quiet hideaway for him but just refuses to go there lot of time , he just goes from 0 to 10 on scale and won’t listen to anything until mum gives in hates me been around as when he had big out burst he no’s I won’t just give in to him so my partner tells me go away I don’t no who is rite her staying giving in to him to calm him or should it be me I’d just tell him then walk away for him calm in his own time but that way he would kick punch doors wall etc left on his own but if partner stayed he would kick hit even bitten her it’s hard to no wot to do as my partner adamant her way says can’t help it

 

[FreeDiver]

Sounds like to me he is having a temper tantrum rather than a meltdown. What I would do is put him in that quiet hideaway room w/o any of his toys and lock him in there until he can learn to behave himself. We on the spectrum have to deal with sensory issues and definitely must be taken into consideration. But it sounds like to me that your kid is just being a spoiled brat.