Help me, as someone who does not have Asperger's understand my best friend ;)

[cassie]

I am not on the spectrum but I have several severe mental health problems and severe friendship (past) abuse issues and PTSD.

3 years ago I met a girl online and we were kinda close through a mutual friendship. I knew there was something not right with her but I couldn't work it out. She was diagnosed with depression but she has an abusive mother and no father and I assumed her strange behaviour was due to that. About 15 months ago she jumped off a bridge and survived and although walks with a limp and is in pain basically a miricale. I spent about 6 months with her in hospital while she was recovering physically and we became extremely close. We have a massive age gap (I'm 32 she is just 18). She became obsessed with me and texts me over thousands of messages a day usually commentary on what she's doing or complaining or just things like "this train smells" she always said she was just depressed and lonely and had no friends. I am the sort of person that needs solitude and I am also looking after my epileptic husband while being extremely sick myself.
I kept asking my psychologist brother wgat to do about this excessive neediness and he said "she must be borderline" and I said she displays no borderline personality disorder traits at all. I love her and am trying to understand her and finally it clicked last week she has undiagnpsed Asperger's. She has every single trait. Every thing suddenly made sense to me.

Now sorry for that long story but what the major issue I'm having is I love this girl to death and I accept and understand autism and Asperger's but her obsession seems to be ME. It's cute and I'm flattered but on the weekend I invited her over to stay the night and she was agressive argumentative which triggered my PTSD abuse issues even though she wasn't meaning it she has never showed that side of herself to me before. I want to be friebds and remain close but the excessive texting and needing to control everything is destroying my personal mental health and I want to find a way to be able to be friends with out the aggression and constant talking and claiming to have no friebds but she has heaps I feel drained and can someone help me. I'm not even sure I'm making sense myself anymore. She's very supportive and empathic but gets crazy psychotic jealous if someone other than her texts me. She needs to know what I'm doing constantly but..I don't know I'm so confused and I want help to make this friendship work. She is mature but doesn't get boundaries. I love her but it's really really hard for me to deal with all this . Any input would be appreciated. I hope this makes some sense

 

[Ereth]

I think it's less about what you need to do for her and more about what she needs to do for herself. Whether she has Asperger's is up in the air until she sees a professional about it, but she needs real support for her depression and isolation from someone who is best qualified to give it (meaning her doctor, assuming she has one). I'm not saying you should abandon her, but you must assert your need for personal space. You've filled the vacuum in her life completely---she has to learn that that's not good for either of you.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I think Asperger's is "taking the rap" for other problems with your friend. She may have it, you may think she has it, but it's not the only thing going on, and it's not the most serious thing going on, either. I see OCPD (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, not the same as OCD), borderline personality disorder, chronic major depression, and maybe some other things, but I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice.

I do think she could be dangerous to you and to herself--not physically, necessarily, but dangerous all the same. So what is it that you love? What kind of love do you feel? Erotic? Agapetic? Fraternal (so to speak)? What need of yours has she "plugged in" to?

In My Humble Opinion, which is worth exactly what you paid for it .

Absolutely agree with Ereth's points, also.