are you able to objectively mentally step outside of a current situation (as it's happening)? (not to sound rude.. i don't have the tone but my wording can sound rude and i dont mean it).. it sounds like 2 different situations. there is something up with your parents giving your sister more attention and patience than they give to you which obviously just isn't fair. but the tone of a persons voice (yours for example) can make people ignore the actual words being said. not to sidetrack myself too far.. basically, my father has a very loud abrupt deep grumbly almost yelling tone of voice in anything he says. i've become used to it throughout my life but even now is can still bother me and through my teenage years i still heard it as just him yelling all the time. it's not easy to change your tone of voice.. in the case of my father, i kept asking him to whisper because his whisper tone is comparable to my speaking tone and that helped me hear him better (words became actual words, not just angry sounds)
family is tough, parents (from my experience) will always insist they're right even when it's clear they're not. in your sisters case you need to try (it's not easy, it takes time to get it down right) to analyze what she says as she says it. maybe ignore the tone all together and take the literal words. she could be speaking very literally (ie: "why can't you pass me the eggs?" isn't rude, but just an actual simple question because she isn't looking at you to see your hands are full or somebody else is at the fridge.. her equivalent of "please pass me the eggs when you can").
for yourself.. you can try to soften your tone of voice. only change your look if you're comfortable with it.. if you're not, you'll just have one more thing to be angry about and you'll be uncomfortable at the same time. as far as temper.. i have a phenomenal amount of patience during a situation but may explode after the situation is gone (ie: fine during a fight.. the second the fight is over if i know i can talk to somebody about it.. swears and obscenities galore lol) but during the situation i will stay quiet and say the things i want to say in my head. unless those things get out somehow (talking to a 3rd party person.. be it a friend you know is on your side or a psych or just somebody from here. i'm new here but this place seems great).. it's not a healthy thing to do. but my parents raised me around many sayings.. one of which being "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"...... and because i'm very literal, i pretty much didn't speak after that besides some simple responses or questions.
art can also be a good way to focus anger. maybe painting, drawing, poetry, sculpting clay... heck, if you have a stream or beach near you just roam around looking for driftwood and try to figure out what it looks like. every piece of driftwood looks like something.. you may see it right away, it may take days.. but it's there. and once you find that something, it stays there forever. then maybe you could create small clay animals, paint them, put them with the driftwood.. now you have a hobby to help dissipate that anger. and who knows, maybe people will like them so much you can turn it into a profession so now your job literally will keep you happy and relaxed all the time. or only you will like them but that's all that matters anyway. i work with antiques and do house cleanouts and buy items from people from time to time.. when i walk into a house where somebody makes their own art.. they're always very happy people. i think some of the art is terrible, but that's just my opinion and i can appreciate the time and work they put into the piece. but sometimes they make some phenomenal creations i've never even seen before. for example, one woman did a lot of photography stuff.. closeups of flowers and such. but her daughter made her a piece of art when she was young... basically, it was one of those blank chinese food containers you get from Target or whatever. but she unfolded it and used markers to create this amazing symmetrical tribal design. you could tell it was all done by hand and the mother had it framed with a black frame and red background (container was light tan with black marker) and it was amazing to me. i did say i liked the photography because it's the polite thing to do.. and honestly the quality was good. but i kept going back to that chinese food container that i really liked. and she was extra proud about that one because nobody sees it besides her family and a couple friends here and there.. so a 3rd party person like myself was just great. i actually ended up making her cry (we went back a few times, they had a lot of things) so i stopped talking about it after that because eventhough it's a happy crying it still bothers me............ sorry i ramble easy, but you get the idea
