Help with a friend

[Tigris]

I have a friend who is an unconfirmed Gifted* person. He doesn't want to come out of this psychological egg shell and can only accept one friend at a time. Anyone has any ideas how to help him? I want to help him as he's behaviour is causing some distress to himself and "humor in an evil sense" to others. He gets very very very stressed meeting new people, and this is the obstacle from me trying to help him eventually blend in with society.

No matter how many ideas I try to encourage him, I get more disppointment.

* a term in my forum: The Spectrum for ASD people= more positive label.

 

[xrobertxdavisx]

if he doesn't want to conform by blending in maybe as a friend you need to accept he is his own person and can decide if he wants to change or not.

if he has said he wants to manage to be different maybe help from a therapist or something would manage as this seems phycological if it's not by choice

 

[Geordie]

If he doesn't want to change, that's too bad. We can repeat the same thing over and over again and if it doesn't change, so be it.

But we can encourage him to explore out of his greater self by listening to him and find out his needs.

 

[Tigris]

His mannerisms can cause problems for himself and others. He's now like 20 something years old and he walks in a odd way so much that people stare at him in public transport. His family is too poor to afford any treatment as he was undiagnosed for years until our dear Ruennsheng told him that he might be Aspie.

Also becos now he's older and developing self awareness which is in a way good news for a ASD but the bad news is that becos of the way people look at him his self esteem has fallen to the bottom of the abyss. He's too old now to retreat back into the shell. His parents getting on in years and his family is too poor to afford to even feed him for another few years. He has rejected help and advice from me and our friends to help him. We are his friends and of course since we are his friends we are very very concerned for him.

How then??

 

[Tigris]

We feel very pity for him as he has a talent for Physics and chemistry. He once came up with a chemistry theory that I never would I have thought of it that way.

 

[xrobertxdavisx]

I think he needs diagnosed because then his family or him will get money to help him and for him to live off of. I know the uk can do this but since yoru saying too poor for the diagnosis and stuff what country are you from?

also by you wanting to change how he is and everything he may think you hate him and want to change him to be like how you all imagine a human to be, he most likely does not want to change and maybe enjoys being himself. he shouldnt have to change how he is or how he walks just to please others, you only have to help him cope with how others judge him and how people feel about him when they see him and teach him to ignore them if they make fun or stare or point or laugh as trying to change him totally may not help. its more coping and as i said i dont know where your from so i dont know how the health care there is or anything to help with this situation with his food and money benifits and such.

 

[Geordie]

We feel very pity for him as he has a talent for Physics and chemistry. He once came up with a chemistry theory that I never would I have thought of it that way.

Well, he also explained of things I don't understand. It's a pity that teachers had not picked him for a test to gain a place in local university in which he might have aced...

 

[Geordie]

I think he needs diagnosed because then his family or him will get money to help him and for him to live off of. I know the uk can do this but since yoru saying too poor for the diagnosis and stuff what country are you from?

My friend, like me, comes from Singapore, where we have no social security system.

As for coping mechanisms, I think he copes by secluding himself --- but I also think he needs someone to trust and confide in.

 

[xrobertxdavisx]

My friend, like me, comes from Singapore, where we have no social security system.

As for coping mechanisms, I think he copes by secluding himself --- but I also think he needs someone to trust and confide in.

hmm thats crap , i wish the world would just hurry up and give everyone the benefits they diserve and everything. especialy when it comes to medical.

And hmm maybe you need to try to teach him other ways of coping and learning to not fear everything.

 

[Tigris]

Right, along with Ruennsheng and another few friends, I helped set up an online and offline group to help adults with ASDs. In singapore, even thought it's considered one of South East Asia's most politically stable and modernized country, autism is not covered much unlike maybe in the western or am I wrong?

 

[xrobertxdavisx]

i think i know what your saying....autism and aspergers has just recently became talk about subjects since there has been many tv programs about autism as of late so more and more people are learning about it. A few years ago here in the uk anyway there wasnt much talk of autism at all really or any that i noticed. I hear in america it is much more talked about in medicine and such and more people get diagnosed when younger in america than anywhere i think, (not 100% sure if accurate)

 

[Geordie]

hmm thats crap , i wish the world would just hurry up and give everyone the benefits they diserve and everything. especialy when it comes to medical.

And hmm maybe you need to try to teach him other ways of coping and learning to not fear everything.

Well that's what Tigris and I are trying to do, and we need more ideas here I think. And yes, we Gifted/ASDs in Singapore need more resources and help to help us.

 

[Geordie]

Well if in Singapore, we have great personalities like Daniel Tammet or Temple Grandin who can memorise many digits of pi and teach tons of foreign languages in a patient manner, then it would be good for us. Problem being, Singapore even rejected a future talent in the Gifted from further opportunities (I will talk about it in another thread) as we still have to struggle in employment and educational opportunities available here.

 

[Kempy]

I think it will take some proper scientific reasons for the cause of autism before anyone bothers to take it seriously.

 

[Tigris]

RS and I analysed his problem and it stems partly from his odd walking gait which he could not afford to go to a physiotherapist to fix it. I believe he developed this gait over time, from toddler to adult becos his parents just dun bother. I think it's becos they are from a poor family. Our dear friend has little contact with the outside world and he doesn't even have a television, a phone or even an internet.

I will do a sketch to show you how he walks like.

 

[Geordie]

Yes, I only wished his parents can seek help in proper organizations and seek proper treatment!

 

[Tigris]

If his parents had the money and the right attitude they are more than willing to send our dear friend for treatment. But in this case, they are poor folks.

 

[Geordie]

The parents are also ignorant too, as a result of poverty, to even care enough to work for treatment.

 

[katcha]

I think you trying to "help" him can only have bad consequences. People must search for help before help can be offered. Otherwise these people will be angry and reject help. Also, if he secludes himself to protect himself, he is more than likely doing it for a good reason. You should be careful.

 

[Geordie]

Sad to say, I have another friend who faces the same problem.