pistachio smile
New Member
Does it sound like I might be on the spectrum?
(As a child)
(Changes growing up)
(As a child)
- Extreme lack of curiosity (which was strange for a child): not curious about the outside world, did not ask any questions like “why is the sky blue?” And not feeling curious even when such questions were asked by grownups.
- Despised change: 1) strongly refused to wear new clothes before a “getting familiar” period for several months (i.e., a dress had to be hung in front of the bedroom window so that I could feel familiar to it), 2) cried and refused when mom appeared without glasses, 3) generally hated new environments or introduction of new objects / change of appearance in familiar objects or people
- In all hand-drawn pictures, there were very detailed drawings of objects. These objects were always linked together in a long string, so that they would remain connected. Drawn objects were divided by borders - artwork was and is more concrete than abstract.
- Could not bear to make eye contact (and still struggling; locking eyes with another person feels like making two magnets at opposite ends face each other - even if it’s my parents or a close friend)
- Hyperfocus and astonishing concentration
- Interest in geometrical objects (cubes, spheres, shapes in general) and color
- Extreme love for toy dinosaurs
- When outside, always searching for & collecting objects on the ground (due to hope of discovering fossils), instead of looking around (later accumulated a wide collection of rocks & minerals)
- Almost no interest in numbers / dates / car plates, but strongly attached to other types of sequences (e.g., order & characteristics of planets in the solar system, digestive organs in the gastrointestinal system, dinosaurs and when they lived) - seems like numbers were uninteresting because they were simply numbers. But any type of sequential information that accompanied tidbits of facts (planets are aligned in order, but each planet has its own set of related facts & physical appearance). This later develops into an extreme interest and love for the periodic table.
- Strongly interested in collecting “categorical information”: different types of ____ (after dinos & planets, I loved memorizing plants and their corresponding characteristics, marine species, names of specific colors, and so on): usually strongly limited to nature-world objects (rocks, animals, plants, colors, elements, and other abstract knowledge), rather than human-related objects (cars, different models of technical objects, historical events & timeline) - for some reason, only nature-related information feels real & important. Man-made information seems artificial and not worth categorizing.
- Love & bonding with animals: grownups say that, when I passed by the cages in the zoo, all the sleeping animals would magically wake up (though not anymore)
- Love for nature and interacting in detail: collecting rocks&seashells, playing with crabs, rather than taking in the ambience & scene of the ocean and waves
- Clumsiest kid in the world
- Worst dancer/singer in class
- Almost sense of rhythm or melody (lack of musical talent and coordination)
- A great sense of spatial arrangement and position of objects in 3D (which is curious, due to my terrible locomotive & kinematic senses)
- Attachment to specific toys - carrying them everywhere was the only point I showed strong opinions about
- Love for all colors of the rainbow
- Socially awkward
- Difficulty in noticing surroundings (would be trapped in my own imaginary world)
- Easily bullied by other children, but would not stand up for speak
- Selective mutism: for some reason, would not often verbalize the thoughts in my head to others (never said stuff like “I want this!” “he hit me!” to adults, even in situations that demanded attention)
- Very rarely cried (except for when experiencing/observing “change” in familiar objects)
- Quiet
- Unemotional
- Could not understand social cues
- Often took things literally
- Would do something (listening to a story on the cassette player or playing with dinos) for 5-8 hours in a room without ever moving or going outside
- Astonishing lack of empathy: would not notice if it another kid right next to me was hurt or injured, hard to understand the feelings of others
- Always threw up after eating (severe stomach issues)
- Insensitive to pain (never crying after tripping or being injured, despite tripping & falling all the time)
- Sensitive to sound (could and can still hear very small noises / something whispered from other rooms)
- Strongly introverted
- Almost no facial expressions
- Playing with imaginary friends all the time ( I still do)
- Making up and writing fantasy stories all the time
- A penchant for words & vocabulary: the way how some words can describe very specific meanings
- Felt like nobody really understood me
- Trying to stand up for bullied animals/insects, young environmental conservationist
- Think things through deeply (very indecisive), but can also be surprisingly spontaneous
- Very quiet and introverted as a kindergartener. But would greatly surprise teachers & friends when going onstage for a speech: speaking in front of an audience has always been one of my greatest talents, for some reason (it feels like I’m given a slice of the whole world’s time to truly tell my story without feeling afraid that I’ll be cut off or interrupted, and everyone would be listening to me. And I don’t have to make eye-contact with a single person (my gaze can dissolve somewhere in the audience, jumping from one person to another instead of intensely focusing on one)
(Changes growing up)
- Extreme curiosity: literally told “you are too curious” (It feels like I wasn’t curious about anything as a kid, because I already knew a lot of the potential questions I could ask were already solved by scientists. And I knew that those answers (at least in a very deep and fundamental level) could not be understood as a child (involving quantum mechanical equations and such). But now that I’m a scientist myself, and now that I understand such mathematical expressions & scientific laws, they feel like my own language. And my passion for the natural world & information gives rise to a great sense of curiosity.) - Though still cannot be less curious about socio/political events.
- Many social skills were obtained after intensely trained by the most empathetic and socially sensitive mom in the world (though many of the social responses I carry out are rather artificial and well-practiced, instead of naturally coming out from heart)
- A good sense of fashion was obtained thanks to parents being fashion designers
- A sense of empathy was artificially established after reading & writing a great volume of novels (I love to write stories, so I came to create and develop a large number of different archetypes, which required that I had to think in the shoes of every character)
- I try to exert facial expressions and socially accepted responses in conversation, and try to make as much eye contact as possible (but I would really prefer not to). Whenever I make eye contact, I try to imagine that there’s an invisible & impenetrable protective layer between the other person & me, so that they cannot read my feelings
- Always trying to look at things from different perspectives (Cubist philosophy) to see to whole, and to become a better scientist: forced myself to study engineering (where mechanical components coordinate to create a functioning machine; how details add up to create a big picture) but still remains a chemist (attention to the microscopic world)
- Curiosity and adventurous personality eventually made me very open to try new things (foods, clothing styles, travel locations)
- Analysis paralysis: think things through too deeply
- Not really a routine person: Aversion towards plans and routines, maintaining love for spontaneity
- A long list of fun hobbies to do alone
- Not a fan of sports
- Always collecting tidbits of knowledge on interesting facts
- More oriented towards collecting knowledge and information than actual physical objects
- Still talking with imaginary friends all the time (if anything, their presence only seems to grow more pervasive every day) but they are very supportive, not problematic
- Caught up in my own paracosm
- Still as much in love with lists of categorical information
- Still as much in love with natural sciences / natural history museums
- Nature documentaries, passion for nature & environment
- Finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on uninteresting matters. And even for interesting topics, I always ride a train of thought and become lost in my mind.
- Hyperfocus when feeling interested / curious, solving a mystery, drinking in information on a subject of imminent interest
- Easily bored
- I know when to use my eccentric humor
