Help with obssesive talking

[ann0d]

Hi My son is 11 and he is just is obssessed with whatever my husband is doing. It is driving me crazy, I have been able to handle this kind of obessive talking before but now things are bad.
1. My husband and I are having major martial problems, mostly because of my son, he doesn't want to believe he has a problem, so he refuses to try to understand him.
2. My husband is an alcoholic, which his drinking has really become bad in the past two months.
I am thinking about getting a divorce, but I have to be prepared with money, a place, daycare, etc and that will take time and bring on a whole new set of issues for my son.

But everytime my husband does anything, my son talks about what he is doing, like he is trying to get my husband in trouble. My son also knows how to set my husband off, for example by calling him by his first name instead of dad.

I really feel it would be better to have to deal with issues with a divorce than having to deal everyday with those two,
My husband is not abusive, but rather very loud and obnixous when he drinks. I don't doubt my husband also has aspergers. Lots of the same symptons my son has. Right now I just want to run away from them both, but of course I would never leave my son. Right now the two of them are arguing because my husband is trying to sleep and my son is tickling his feet. I am sick of being the referee between them. I just wish I could get it through my son's head to stay away from his dad and stop instigating him. The more I try the more he is getting obessed with him. HELP

 

[142857]

My aspie son was obsessed with everything I was doing from about the ages of 2 until 4 (he is almost 6 now). I would go upstairs to read and my son would follow me and want me to draw pictures for him literally for hours and hours. I would go to use the computer and my son would want to watch car crashes on youtube together. I would set him up on youtube and go to watch TV and my son would want to watch "Playhouse Disney" together. Not a moment of peace, even in the bathroom he would want me to play the racing car game on my handphone so he could watch. And the talking... he could monologue literally for hours, about anything and everything.

I can relate to your husband not wanting to see that there is anything wrong with your son. I was the same until about a year ago, my wife was saying that our son was "strange" and I thought she was being silly. But we had a baby girl who was about one year old at that time, and I was seeing how very different she was developing compared to our son. I saw a preview of the movie "Adam" (about a young man with aspergers syndrome), did some research on the net, and the pieces fell into place. Turns out I am HFA and my youngest brother is an aspie, so it wasn't surprising that our son's behaviour seemed typical to me.

Yes, it can create strains in the marriage when you have different ideas on how to deal with a child who is different. Your situation is very difficult and I don't know if I can offer any meaningful advice. My guess is that your son loves his father very much and wants his attention all the time and to be a part of everything he does. My only suggestion would be that your husband find some things that he enjoys doing with your son, something that they both would enjoy and would enable your son to have time with his father without too much stress. Your husband (especially as he is probably an aspie as well) needs some "downtime", some solitude, so you need to find a way for him to at least be able to take a nap without your son trying to hog his attention. Maybe even a lock on your bedroom door.

Once you have dealt with the stress of the situation as best you can, then it is time to tackle the alcohol issue.

 

[ann0d]

Oh I agree it is totally wanting attention from his dad. My husband is in the basement ALL night after work with his computer, so he has plenty of down time. He has an older son who was totally into sports, and that is all they did together. Well along comes our son who has no interest in anything sports, and he can't relate. For a while they was into going to see movies and they would go every weekend, but he has passed that stage. I think if my husband was more understanding (which he has a big denial issue, with everything, or maybe it is defiance, I don't know) or more helpful, I could deal with my son. All I do is referee. Definitely major issues here with relationships.

He literally can talk for hours too. One time he read me every single Disney movie and the stars of each movie. :lol: He is a list maker too, loves to make lists. He can literally go through a pack of paper in a month or less.

 

[142857]

It sounds like your husband has some serious issues with denial. If he is an aspie, as you suspect, then more than likely it is more of a case of withdrawing from a situation that he doesn't want to deal with. Yes, it may be easier for your husband to pretend that your son doesn't exist than to deal with him being a little different to what he would ideally like.

If your husband is an aspie then he may not realize that his behaviour is obnoxious and that shutting himself off from his family is damaging and inappropriate. You may think that you have let him know, or that he should know, or that he must know. But you really need to spell it out for him. If you have tried that and it has failed, then maybe you and your husband need to seek some kind of counselling.

The talking.... I remember one time my wife asked my son if his seat belt was done up. Should have been a yes/no answer, but we got a monologue about the seatbelt that lasted a good 5 or 10 minutes. Followed by a the usual running commentary (in great detail) on every vehicle on the road that day.