Good mid-night from Spotsylvania, VA.
I been concerned about the challenges with Autism on and off now since I was 12 years old. I am turning 23 the beginning of August (next month). My symptoms appeared from age 4 (though I hadn't truly received more support until my grandmother and I talked about this topic at age 12). For me, it can be such to I am very sensitive with some emotions and a lot of consciousness about how I communicate or express myself to persons, and I used to focus intensely as that communication had to be precise, or if I didn't relate to or understand something with former peers at school I many times felt left out or like I was on the outside of the most fun and close-knit "party", and felt either sad or just reverted to fun-loving imagination and strengths -- academics, learning, talking with grown-ups and older folks. I also was very afraid to ask acquaintances questions about something out of fear I'd be seen as foolish or very annoying. I only tended to notice this around people in my generation whom I didn't know well or who didn't start a conversation with me first (I noticed this around age 7). So I did succeed maybe way here and there with being sociable in elementary and middle school, though I did notice I felt like an outsider, though I overall had enjoyed life and looked at life as a fun and happy child.
When I was in high school, I had with bouncy optimism hoped "this will be a new start!" From the first day. I remember I also sobbed one of the first days my mom drove me to high school (a freshman in the year 2008) before she had work, mainly because I was just afraid of "growing up" or the fact I wasn't a little kid and that my Mommy and Daddy I noticed in my perspective seemed to someway shift, because I was now becoming an adult like them. So it was like a bit like mourning over that I recognized I couldn't just go run to Mommy and Daddy when I was dealing with something unfamililar, kind of a realization though they are Mommy and Daddy, I also had to become as my own individual mature self. I was more crying out from just a revelation than fear that time. High school was not close to as intimidating as I feared it might have been hahaha, but I was still fairly reserved and sometimes still wrestling with being intimidated. I may say I had the ability to be a great listener, despite feeling some fear. I mainly focused on just getting through learning. I did branch some -- freshman football 9th grade, PLTW engineering (seriously hope to utilize or just be thankful for all I learned there) academy for all 4 years of HS, shotput and discus in 10th grade, NHS in 11th and 12th, a freshmen orientation program in 11th grade. But wait, there's MORE!!
After 2 years done with high school, I was in my second month of junior year. I then had some supernatural epiphany that I had no reason to fear asking questions to my peers and reaching out to make friends, and in fact, every one was alike (no mortal person really knew every thing or was more internally valuable than me because they were popular). And I am not speaking from then believing I needed to manipulate or cross people, but realized I could be much more vulnerable and didn't need to always hide things any longer!
To be continued...now to get more sleep!
I been concerned about the challenges with Autism on and off now since I was 12 years old. I am turning 23 the beginning of August (next month). My symptoms appeared from age 4 (though I hadn't truly received more support until my grandmother and I talked about this topic at age 12). For me, it can be such to I am very sensitive with some emotions and a lot of consciousness about how I communicate or express myself to persons, and I used to focus intensely as that communication had to be precise, or if I didn't relate to or understand something with former peers at school I many times felt left out or like I was on the outside of the most fun and close-knit "party", and felt either sad or just reverted to fun-loving imagination and strengths -- academics, learning, talking with grown-ups and older folks. I also was very afraid to ask acquaintances questions about something out of fear I'd be seen as foolish or very annoying. I only tended to notice this around people in my generation whom I didn't know well or who didn't start a conversation with me first (I noticed this around age 7). So I did succeed maybe way here and there with being sociable in elementary and middle school, though I did notice I felt like an outsider, though I overall had enjoyed life and looked at life as a fun and happy child.
When I was in high school, I had with bouncy optimism hoped "this will be a new start!" From the first day. I remember I also sobbed one of the first days my mom drove me to high school (a freshman in the year 2008) before she had work, mainly because I was just afraid of "growing up" or the fact I wasn't a little kid and that my Mommy and Daddy I noticed in my perspective seemed to someway shift, because I was now becoming an adult like them. So it was like a bit like mourning over that I recognized I couldn't just go run to Mommy and Daddy when I was dealing with something unfamililar, kind of a realization though they are Mommy and Daddy, I also had to become as my own individual mature self. I was more crying out from just a revelation than fear that time. High school was not close to as intimidating as I feared it might have been hahaha, but I was still fairly reserved and sometimes still wrestling with being intimidated. I may say I had the ability to be a great listener, despite feeling some fear. I mainly focused on just getting through learning. I did branch some -- freshman football 9th grade, PLTW engineering (seriously hope to utilize or just be thankful for all I learned there) academy for all 4 years of HS, shotput and discus in 10th grade, NHS in 11th and 12th, a freshmen orientation program in 11th grade. But wait, there's MORE!!
After 2 years done with high school, I was in my second month of junior year. I then had some supernatural epiphany that I had no reason to fear asking questions to my peers and reaching out to make friends, and in fact, every one was alike (no mortal person really knew every thing or was more internally valuable than me because they were popular). And I am not speaking from then believing I needed to manipulate or cross people, but realized I could be much more vulnerable and didn't need to always hide things any longer!
To be continued...now to get more sleep!
