Barely
Well-Known Member
Hey all, I've been registered here for...3 years now, never posted. I wanted to avoid a post that was just me venting about my life till now and being all dramatic, at least as an intro post, so I'm gonna try to do that. But it's 4am, I'm not asleep, so I'm gonna do the thing.
I'm from New Zealand, born and raised. Classic shut in aspie. Rarely leave the house, but a body has to eat. Cliché alcoholic father who left when I was...10 or 11? Grandfather killed himself when I was 1, there is a family history of mental health issues. Bi-polar mother who was lucky when she could keep herself stable and looking back I realize she was probably dealing with feelings for another woman. She did well I guess, we didn't go hungry very often and she was having a hell of a time.
My point I guess is I was overlooked, some might even say rightly so. But as an aspie kid, then aspie teen, it was pretty devastating. I came out of high school with zero qualifications, depression, no friends, I had a few jobs that lasted between 4 days and 2 weeks before I broke down under the pressure. At 23 I got a pity job at a super market that lasted a few years and turned my brain to absolute mush. I was so lonely all through high school and this job made it worse, I develop feelings for someone very, very easily, I donno why.
So anyways, at 25 I got a promotion to baker, but again I collapsed under the weight of a real job. This time was worse though I was super, super in love with someone at the time and she knew how I felt. She rejected me in a less than nice way and I was crushed. I did some unpleasant stuff and made some poor decisions. It was a turning point though, I ended up telling someone everything for the first time. A doctor put me on anti-depressants and did some stuff. Things improved. That year I had a girlfriend, lost my virginity. I like sex, a lot. I like the skin to skin contact, the warmth. But I feel like it's more than the physical act, it's the acceptance. It's like a woman is saying I'm worthy enough to trust with nakedness, with that much vulnerability, you know? It's not just sex I guess, any affection from a woman is going to give me a feeling of worth, and I think I crave that. I struggle with self worth a lot. But yes, I like sex, I hope to have it again some day.
So...there it is. Intro: Me. I don't think I did to bad. If anyone is still reading...turn the lights off on your way out, I'm going to bed.
I'm from New Zealand, born and raised. Classic shut in aspie. Rarely leave the house, but a body has to eat. Cliché alcoholic father who left when I was...10 or 11? Grandfather killed himself when I was 1, there is a family history of mental health issues. Bi-polar mother who was lucky when she could keep herself stable and looking back I realize she was probably dealing with feelings for another woman. She did well I guess, we didn't go hungry very often and she was having a hell of a time.
My point I guess is I was overlooked, some might even say rightly so. But as an aspie kid, then aspie teen, it was pretty devastating. I came out of high school with zero qualifications, depression, no friends, I had a few jobs that lasted between 4 days and 2 weeks before I broke down under the pressure. At 23 I got a pity job at a super market that lasted a few years and turned my brain to absolute mush. I was so lonely all through high school and this job made it worse, I develop feelings for someone very, very easily, I donno why.
So anyways, at 25 I got a promotion to baker, but again I collapsed under the weight of a real job. This time was worse though I was super, super in love with someone at the time and she knew how I felt. She rejected me in a less than nice way and I was crushed. I did some unpleasant stuff and made some poor decisions. It was a turning point though, I ended up telling someone everything for the first time. A doctor put me on anti-depressants and did some stuff. Things improved. That year I had a girlfriend, lost my virginity. I like sex, a lot. I like the skin to skin contact, the warmth. But I feel like it's more than the physical act, it's the acceptance. It's like a woman is saying I'm worthy enough to trust with nakedness, with that much vulnerability, you know? It's not just sex I guess, any affection from a woman is going to give me a feeling of worth, and I think I crave that. I struggle with self worth a lot. But yes, I like sex, I hope to have it again some day.
So...there it is. Intro: Me. I don't think I did to bad. If anyone is still reading...turn the lights off on your way out, I'm going to bed.
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