Narcissistic Megalomaniac
New Member
Hey there! 22 year old guy reporting in from somewhere far far away in Europe. Please dont be offended by a quite long rant, but I've became really desperate to understand whats wrong with me.
For quite a long time I ‘ve been gloating myself because I cannot grasp in exactly what way I differ from people that surround me, or to be exact – where do i fit in the grand puzzle of life. A week ago or so after being told by best friend about his autistic colleague and the traits man exhibits, I've became interested as many thing about him clicked with me. So the exploration and reading up on the subject and testing started:
http://www.aspietests.org/raads/questions.php?show=1aa407a589557&locale=en_GB
http://www.aspietests.org/eq/questions.php?show=1a4937b989557&locale=en_GB
http://www.aspietests.org/sq/questions.php?show=1028c39989690&locale=en_GB
Being a medical student, crital thinking et all the stuff i understand perfectly well these tests do not provide a definitive answer that I am an authist. Only a qualified psichiatrist can do that, and given that I ‘m still in med school and knowing my countries laws regarding the „required“ state of my health when I take out my license to practise its simply best for me to remain undiagnosed. What I ‘m looking for is an affirmation if any people formally diagnosed with autism/aspergers experienced(-e) the symptoms I outlined below, so that i might make peace with myslef. Mine oddities/simptoms are:
For quite a long time I ‘ve been gloating myself because I cannot grasp in exactly what way I differ from people that surround me, or to be exact – where do i fit in the grand puzzle of life. A week ago or so after being told by best friend about his autistic colleague and the traits man exhibits, I've became interested as many thing about him clicked with me. So the exploration and reading up on the subject and testing started:
http://www.aspietests.org/raads/questions.php?show=1aa407a589557&locale=en_GB
http://www.aspietests.org/eq/questions.php?show=1a4937b989557&locale=en_GB
http://www.aspietests.org/sq/questions.php?show=1028c39989690&locale=en_GB
Being a medical student, crital thinking et all the stuff i understand perfectly well these tests do not provide a definitive answer that I am an authist. Only a qualified psichiatrist can do that, and given that I ‘m still in med school and knowing my countries laws regarding the „required“ state of my health when I take out my license to practise its simply best for me to remain undiagnosed. What I ‘m looking for is an affirmation if any people formally diagnosed with autism/aspergers experienced(-e) the symptoms I outlined below, so that i might make peace with myslef. Mine oddities/simptoms are:
- While in school i used to sometimes skip whole words when writing. Now, being 22 years old adult its not as bad, now I only occasionally skip multiple syllables when writing words. Also since childhood when writing I sometimes repeat the same word twice – persists to this day.
- While I was a child I had pretty terrible issues with slurred speach as well as speaking extremely fast – as you can guess, it was extremely hard to understand me. Nowadays my speaking speed as well as sluring issues are more or less normalized/gone away, unless I get really nervous or anxious about something.
- As for what gloats me the most – its that I absolutely lack empathy in general. Cant say if that was always the case due to rather crappy childhood – social contact/love from siblings/family was not something I’ve experienced a lot. Obviously had no real friends in school. If you ask me how do I get along in life now? I learned the communication thingy by observing other people. Its really killing me, that my communication stems from an algorhythm of sorts and not from somewhere “deeper inside me”. Plus, I’m bassicly incapable of holding any friendships (except for one great guy who excepts me the way I am) due to my inability to go beyound a small day to day chit chat with relatives of my age. If I see that we do not hold common interests on a deeper/kind-off obssesive(-ish) level, communication with that person most of the time freezes at the aforementioned chit chat level.
- I have a few obsessions, yes, not interests. I do not melt down if someone interrupts me, or in any way “detaches” me from them. For me atleast nowadays its more of a gradually getting more and more anoyed thing. First time my obsession “sessions” are interupted I get grumpy inside of my head, but if the same same person interrupts me again I might start hissing at them - sometimes, rarely, but still - without feeling that I'm hissing.
- Stereotipical behaviors, folowing routines like a robot? Can’t really remember being obsessed with this to the point of inflexibility while being a child. Being an adult, nowadays? No, I do not meltdown if my daily routines are interrupted, though I personally really prefer not alter them, and if someone else in any manner tries to alter them I can get quite easily annoyed at that person.
- Don’t remember having any sensory issues. Stereotypical being extremely good at one subject? Doesn’t applie to me, before coming to medical school I dabled with advanced mathematics and biology – I’m more of a really well wersed specimen in this regard.
- Had some language issues during the first 3-4 grades of primary school. Dont remember what it was exactly, but I was laging behind my peers, based on the education program and what should we have learned after finishing an acamedic year. Had to spend my summers in tutoring groups for "idiots" like me, who did not achieve the yearly "teaching program" goals during the year.
- Whats more? I’d say mild OCD, and some anxiety issues.
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(poor kids...)
