Kepler's Motion
Active Member
So I will try to make this as brief as I can. I was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism in late 2015 at the age of 29. The circumstances surrounding the diagnosis are convoluted so I won't discuss it at this time, maybe further down the line I will post a detailed account as to how it came about.
When it was suggested to me by a medical professional that I may have ASD I didn't want to hear it, in fact prior to being sent for evaluation I researched how the process would be conducted and looked for ways in which I could manipulate my answers so the results would come back to give me the "all clear". But even with my preparation it was clear that I was, in fact, a HFA.
On the surface I tried to act shocked but deep down I could feel some resemblance of either relief or acceptance.
I grew up in a "well-to-do" middle class family so I never struggled in a traditional sense, yet struggle became my daily routine throughout my life in ways that never seemed to affect my peers. I struggled with making friends, I struggled with my school work. I feared meeting new people, I couldn't settle if my daily routine was disturbed in any manner. I couldn't touch certain materials and became disorientated in environments that were either loud or incredibly luminous. I was labelled a "problem child" and set aside for most of my prepubescent years.
As I went through my teenage years I guess my symptoms became masked by the general awkwardness of a teenage boy. I was falling behind in school, although I was capable of spending hours perfecting essays on topics I became enamoured by. I lived in my room, as I was terrified of being in open spaces with people. Every day I was a nervous wreck waiting for the school bus, wondering if there was a seat, who would I have to sit beside, will there be bags on the ground that I need to step over, will I be able to open the door correctly and other such thoughts plagued me constantly. This was once again put down to the disinterested and hormonal mind of a teenage boy.
So I failed my final school exams, miserably to no ones surprise. This hit me hard, although i expected it, it wasn't until the results were in front of me that I could see the gravity of the situation. I spoke to my parents and they agreed to send me to a fee paying "grind" school for a year to resit my exams. A year on and I more than doubled my previous results, achieving 520 points out of a possible 600. How? The teachers, if they noticed I struggled with a concept or lost interest they took me aside and explained it in a manner I could grasp or they made me see a topic from another angle, allowing me to once again find my interest.
So to shorten this part of the story, I went to university and in the end hold a BSc and an MSc in a highly specialised area within science. Here however my symptoms became unmanageable. For all intents and purposes i became a recluse, and spent 3 years in my home, struggling to make it to class, unable to talk to anyone, fearing everything that lay beyond my front door. This time was so troubling I would like to write about it in detail at some point.
I apologise for the length of this post, giving it is just an introduction, but as I am once again all but living the life of a shut in, I wanted to use this as some form of therapy as I have no one I can confide in. There is no help for autistic people where I live and to tell anyone of my condition would just serve to isolated myself even more.
Throughout my life it was always felt as if I have shared my mind with twenty other people all trying to have their say, all naysayers all questioning even the smallest of decisions I make, I wonder if anyone can relate to this?
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this, it is greatly appreciated. Hope to speak to you guys in the future.
All the best
When it was suggested to me by a medical professional that I may have ASD I didn't want to hear it, in fact prior to being sent for evaluation I researched how the process would be conducted and looked for ways in which I could manipulate my answers so the results would come back to give me the "all clear". But even with my preparation it was clear that I was, in fact, a HFA.
On the surface I tried to act shocked but deep down I could feel some resemblance of either relief or acceptance.
I grew up in a "well-to-do" middle class family so I never struggled in a traditional sense, yet struggle became my daily routine throughout my life in ways that never seemed to affect my peers. I struggled with making friends, I struggled with my school work. I feared meeting new people, I couldn't settle if my daily routine was disturbed in any manner. I couldn't touch certain materials and became disorientated in environments that were either loud or incredibly luminous. I was labelled a "problem child" and set aside for most of my prepubescent years.
As I went through my teenage years I guess my symptoms became masked by the general awkwardness of a teenage boy. I was falling behind in school, although I was capable of spending hours perfecting essays on topics I became enamoured by. I lived in my room, as I was terrified of being in open spaces with people. Every day I was a nervous wreck waiting for the school bus, wondering if there was a seat, who would I have to sit beside, will there be bags on the ground that I need to step over, will I be able to open the door correctly and other such thoughts plagued me constantly. This was once again put down to the disinterested and hormonal mind of a teenage boy.
So I failed my final school exams, miserably to no ones surprise. This hit me hard, although i expected it, it wasn't until the results were in front of me that I could see the gravity of the situation. I spoke to my parents and they agreed to send me to a fee paying "grind" school for a year to resit my exams. A year on and I more than doubled my previous results, achieving 520 points out of a possible 600. How? The teachers, if they noticed I struggled with a concept or lost interest they took me aside and explained it in a manner I could grasp or they made me see a topic from another angle, allowing me to once again find my interest.
So to shorten this part of the story, I went to university and in the end hold a BSc and an MSc in a highly specialised area within science. Here however my symptoms became unmanageable. For all intents and purposes i became a recluse, and spent 3 years in my home, struggling to make it to class, unable to talk to anyone, fearing everything that lay beyond my front door. This time was so troubling I would like to write about it in detail at some point.
I apologise for the length of this post, giving it is just an introduction, but as I am once again all but living the life of a shut in, I wanted to use this as some form of therapy as I have no one I can confide in. There is no help for autistic people where I live and to tell anyone of my condition would just serve to isolated myself even more.
Throughout my life it was always felt as if I have shared my mind with twenty other people all trying to have their say, all naysayers all questioning even the smallest of decisions I make, I wonder if anyone can relate to this?
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this, it is greatly appreciated. Hope to speak to you guys in the future.
All the best
