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Hey, not sure I should be here, but..

I

imp2023

New Member
Hey all,

Not sure if I should really be here or not. Feel free to tell me to leave.
I'm not diagnosed with any condition. I have a daughter who is however (Autism and a few other conditions).

Let me start by saying I'm currently going through some depression, which is probably why I feel I'm struggling a little bit more than usual at the moment.

Not really sure what I hope to gain here. Perhaps some advice on coping mechanisms or actions I should take next perhaps.
Long story short, I'm struggling massively with meltdowns and I'm tired of it.

This morning a family member did something really trivial and to them it shouldn't be a problem or issue at all. To me, having told them of my boundaries multiple times, it's put me into an irrational, angry, horrible place. The issue is over, it's done and I still can't let it go. It's now midday and I've lost all energy or motivation. I hate myself for being like this. I hate being angry or feeling frustrated like I do. I wish I could just step back from the situation more easily and analyse it rationally, but even when I know it's not causing an issue, the little things like boundaries not being respected just doesn't sit well with my brain at all.

I don't know what this means in terms of what I may or may not suffer from. Being a male approaching nearly 40 years old, I'm not overly keen on going to the doctor to get a diagnosis either. These meltdowns are completely irrational and for a logical person, that drives me crazy.
If I'm being honest and can think rationally about the situation, it's more than likely that when these triggers occur, I'm already in a bad place and that's why I'm unable to handle it.
Maybe this is just a symptom of depression rather than autistic traits. I'm not sure. My experience on either subject is rather limited.

Anyway, if you've made it this far, thanks.
If you can point me to any interesting threads on handling meltdowns or have any advice, I would appreciate it a lot.
Thanks,
Imposter.
 
Hello and welcome. Many of us here joined in a state of not knowing, not understanding, and not feeling sure. It’s okay for you to be here and start to explore your thoughts. Sometimes, the most helpful thing for new folks is to read our thoughts that have been shared across the forum and see if you relate to the struggles, challenges, and successes we have shared. You are welcome here.


What or who calms you down when you have a meltdown?


Melt down vs burn out
 
Welcome! Having a meltdown over something seemingly trivial is very familiar to me. For me, it’s part of a pattern. The meltdowns don’t happen out of nowhere: they happen because I am running on fumes and have no energy or mental capacity left to self regulate.

A cascade of things, some long term, some short, usually bring me to these places. And then I find myself wanting to scream and break things, seemingly all because my partner is chewing loudly. In reality the loud chewing is just the drop of water causing a badly pressured dam to burst.

Identifying this pattern has helped me detect impending meltdowns and this, in turn, helps me work on regulating myself better. I hope you can find something similar for yourself.
 
First of all, you're absolutely welcome here.

As for the meltdowns, they can be tough to deal with, and also tough to understand. Part of what makes them tough to understand is the fact that autism overall (if that's what you have) is a spectrum, meaning that the things that happen for you (not just meltdowns) in relation to it can vary wildly from what others have/experience. The exact effects of the meltdown itself can also vary.

All of this makes it so that there really isnt any universal advice for this aspect of it. Each of us has our own ways of dealing with the whole thing, and what works for one may not work for you, and same the other way around. We can all give advice on things to try to do or think about, but you may have to try numerous things before you find something that helps you in some way.

One way or another I think you'll find that most users here will be happy to share their experiences and such with you.

For me it's a bit similar to what you experience, sort of, though the big difference is that my mood before the meltdown doesnt seem to really factor in to whether I'll have one or not. There may be times when I'm in a darned good mood and something irritating happens and I just snap, and other times where I'm feeling down or even angry and the same irritating thing happens but I have no reaction to it. It's unpredictable and confusing.

The main thing that helps me personally is that when I feel like one is about to happen, I gotta DO stuff. Anything. Basically, take that mental/emotional energy that is building up and about to go bonkers, and shove it into some activity. Gotta be something intense/engaging enough though, or it doesnt help. If the activity involves certain specific sensory aspects (typically wind and noise) that also helps to prevent the meltdown... somehow. That part doesnt make a whole lot of sense to me, but I dont get to make the rules there.

I dont know if that info is useful, but... yeah, that's all I've got. Well, perhaps taking some time to ponder some of the meltdowns you've had could also help? What I mean is, identifying any common elements that occurred before the meltdown happened. Like, factors that may be involved in the trigger, I mean. If you can find common threads there, it could help you figure out how to lower the chance of it happening? Maybe? I dunno, I'm getting a bit lost as I type this.

Anyway, hopefully as you see the stories and experiences from people on here and read/learn more, you'll find something that can truly help mitigate the meltdowns.
 
Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me. I really appreciate that.

@Rodafina Thank you and thank you for the links. I will read them straight away.

@Bolletje
"they happen because I am running on fumes and have no energy or mental capacity left to self regulate."
This hits home very much. I think one of my triggers is schedule changes, which may seem a bit silly, especially with the frequency that they happen in life. I'm not someone that maintains a strict schedule anyway, but if I have a plan together then changes to that are something that is tough for me to overcome. If I have the energy, it's not a problem, but your comment about running on empty resonates a lot with how I feel when these meltdowns occur. Something trivial has changed which may or may not even impact me, but I have to process it and for whatever reason at that point, I just can't.
It feels like the tasks just pile up in my brain and I crash. I can't rationalise them. I can't say, well let's drop this and just do that like I can at other times. It's just like when a computer runs out of memory I guess. You keep adding to it and adding to it and eventually, it can't handle it and everything stops.
"Identifying this pattern has helped me detect impending meltdowns" This is obviously what I need to try and do. Before the meltdowns occur I am definitely irritable and angry but I'm not sure how easily I would identify that in the moment. It's not that I am just walking around being nasty, it's just if something even small happens it'll make me react when normally I wouldn't.
Thank you for your reply :)

@Misery
"I gotta DO stuff" "If the activity involves certain specific sensory aspects (typically wind and noise) that also helps"
Thank you. Something about this rings true to me as well. The wind thing in particular. I can definitely remember times in the past where I've used (motor)biking to calm myself down. Something about the concentration, the way the wind nearly blocks the world out. This is definitely something I need to look into. I don't have a motorbike any longer, but I do ride a mountain bike so I'll have to start making more use of them when I feel I need to.

Thank you all for your replies again. Each have been so helpful.
 
welcome to af.png
 
Welcome.

Having meltdowns and also having trouble with schedule changes are both typical in ASD. I have a lot of trouble with changes in schedules or plans.

Meltdowns not so much anymore. I think I monitor my spoons better.

You are welcome here regardless of diagnosis or lack thereof.
 
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