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Hey there, new to the forum

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lawrencio

Well-Known Member
Hey there,

I'm a 24 year old guy who only found out a few years ago that my dad has Aspergers. At the time I chose not to think about it as I was finishing college, and needed to focus on that. But two years on now, I really want to start looking at how his Aspergers may have socially conditioned me in my relationships with friends, peers, girlfriends, colleagues, at work: part of a period of self discovery I guess. I'm curious to find a. what I could have learned from dad in my formative years subconsciously, b: what I subconsciously rebelled against that maybe I shouldn't have. c: how I am emotionally affected.

I would love to meet other people who are in a similar situation, share stories, listen and talk together about this whole thing. Thank you for having a website like this to provide a place for people to be open and belong.

Lawrence
 
I am an aspie dad with an aspie son. My son and I had much conflict, especially as he entered his teen age years. we pushed each other's buttons and argued a lot. He is living with his mom now and I love him dearly. I bought him a top of the line Ipad4 for Christmas and I know he will enjoy it. i cannot predict if he and I will reconcile. His mother facilitated a lot of the tension between my son and I but I hope that as he grows older we can reestablish a good father-son relationship.
 
Hey Loomis,

It's great to meet you, thank you for sharing this.

Loomis said:
My son and I had much conflict, especially as he entered his teen age years. we pushed each other's buttons and argued a lot.
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My dad and I also have a lot of conflict, you might say we tend towards it. He also has a lot of conflict with my mum (they are still together). He has worked a lot in the last few years on not reacting instantly in ways that he knows will push the wrong buttons. It has helped his relationship with my mum a ton, and also with me. He does have moments though where he will overstep, and I tell him to back off playfully - or seriously, but always with love: it's not his fault. We laugh it off together later when we've cooled down. In my own relationships I tend to overstep, and for the girl it can feel like harassment/lack of trust.

Loomis said:
He is living with his mom now and I love him dearly. I bought him a top of the line Ipad4 for Christmas and I know he will enjoy it. I cannot predict if he and I will reconcile. His mother facilitated a lot of the tension between my son and I but I hope that as he grows older we can reestablish a good father-son relationship.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear that he is living with his mom. It must be really hard to not see him. That's a great gift to give! Very generous.

From my own experience, I definitely love my dad so much so take hope that even if your son shows outward signs of frustration, or of anger, there is still a boy inside who wants to know that you are proud of him, that you love him, and that you believe he's got what it takes.

I believe there is huge potential for reconciliation because he will one day understand that being Aspie isn't a choice. I heard someone say once: "the measure of your life is in the choices you make, not anything you are born with." As kids grow up, they realize this as well - and hopefully will have grace enough to show you he loves you too.

Can I ask a question: have you heard of love languages? - Perhaps consider finding out what love languages your son 'speaks' then find ways to communicate on those levels. One of the things about my dad as an Aspie is that he likes touch (a big hug, walking with his arm around me), but he doesn't know when it's appropriate. I also love touch, but I totally lacked it because in my rebellious, 'dickhead' (pardon) teen years he felt like he couldn't get anything right because I didn't have patience or know about his Aspergers. So for all those years we never spoke the same love language, which was so important for developing our relationship.

Anyway: that's a short anecdote. I hope this holiday season is one where any wounds that exist start to be healed for both of you!!! =) My dad and I are really tight, and you and your son can be friends too.
 
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