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Heya, bestie with aspie. Advice?

L

Louise~

New Member
Hey, So I'm a high-school student and my best friend has asperges. We've been friends for just over a year now. (We live 3 hours away so it's not your normal friendship) I noticed things that weren't 'typical' for a teen girl. She eventually opened up that she was an aspie. Which was a big surprise cause I really had no idea what that meant. She is very reserved so it's hard to get to know her. So I'm here because I struggle with, how to communicate in a way that she understands, or to understand how she feels. Sometimes I feel as tho our friendship is one sided, not receiving what I need (in certain areas, like emotional support) I'm worried I'm not filling her needs by doing what I think she needs/wants just because I need/want it. Tonight on the phone I told her how I was feeling cause she hadn't been picking up any hints I give her. I thought she just didn't really care about me. But she explained that I have to be blunt with her cause she cant pick up on hints. I know there are a lot more things that I'm clueless of. I'm trying to work out where my expectations are.

I'm not sure what question I'm trying to ask and I'm sorry this is so long. But I'm trying to learn as much as I can about asperges in general so I can be a better friend. Any advice would be really appreciated!! And it's really cool to join this group y'all seem really nice and genuinely interested in how others are doing in life which is amazing.
 
Welcome to the forums Louise. There are a lot of resources and many helpful people here. :)
 
Welcome to the forums Louise :) , it's really good that you're trying to understand your friend better. I hope you find what you're looking for here on AC.
 
Hi Louise :)

I am actually in something of the same boat as you. My best friend has Borderline Personality Disorder, and much like Asperger's, it can be hard to bridge that neurological divide sometimes. I've found a couple of books that helped; and we ourselves have a fairly extensive collection of books to read in our Resources section, some of which may give you the insight you seek.
 
Louise~ said:
Hey, So I'm a high-school student and my best friend has asperges. We've been friends for just over a year now. (We live 3 hours away so it's not your normal friendship) I noticed things that weren't 'typical' for a teen girl. She eventually opened up that she was an aspie. Which was a big surprise cause I really had no idea what that meant. She is very reserved so it's hard to get to know her. So I'm here because I struggle with, how to communicate in a way that she understands, or to understand how she feels. Sometimes I feel as tho our friendship is one sided, not receiving what I need (in certain areas, like emotional support) I'm worried I'm not filling her needs by doing what I think she needs/wants just because I need/want it. Tonight on the phone I told her how I was feeling cause she hadn't been picking up any hints I give her. I thought she just didn't really care about me. But she explained that I have to be blunt with her cause she cant pick up on hints. I know there are a lot more things that I'm clueless of. I'm trying to work out where my expectations are.

I'm not sure what question I'm trying to ask and I'm sorry this is so long. But I'm trying to learn as much as I can about asperges in general so I can be a better friend. Any advice would be really appreciated!! And it's really cool to join this group y'all seem really nice and genuinely interested in how others are doing in life which is amazing.
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Hi and welcome to the forums!

To try and answer your question, you said your friend isn't picking up on hints. This is an aspie trait, in fact I never get hints, and I've even gotten mad when people have expected me too. You must simply say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't read between the lines when your friend speaks, don't assume they are hinting or implying because they most likely are not. We don't get body language or tone of voice very well, and expressing our feelings can cause anxiety. Just be patient and try to understand these things and you guys will do fine.
 
wyverary said:
Hi Louise :)

I am actually in something of the same boat as you. My best friend has Borderline Personality Disorder, and much like Asperger's, it can be hard to bridge that neurological divide sometimes. I've found a couple of books that helped; and we ourselves have a fairly extensive collection of books to read in our Resources section, some of which may give you the insight you seek.
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Cool as, I'll take a look. Thanks :)
 
Valentine said:
Hi and welcome to the forums!

To try and answer your question, you said your friend isn't picking up on hints. This is an aspie trait, in fact I never get hints, and I've even gotten mad when people have expected me too. You must simply say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't read between the lines when your friend speaks, don't assume they are hinting or implying because they most likely are not. We don't get body language or tone of voice very well, and expressing our feelings can cause anxiety. Just be patient and try to understand these things and you guys will do fine.
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Thanks and yeah that makes sense. I wish I had looked more into this before. I'll need to stop assuming that she understands or that I even understand without first asking plainly.. right?
 
I commend you for wishing to understand and be friends with this person. I am certain that your perceptions and understanding of others will greatly expand with this experience. She is lucky to have you as a friend and fiends are very coveted in Aspie land. Just read some of the related threads and you will see.
 
midlife aspie said:
I commend you for wishing to understand and be friends with this person. I am certain that your perceptions and understanding of others will greatly expand with this experience. She is lucky to have you as a friend and fiends are very coveted in Aspie land. Just read some of the related threads and you will see.
Click to expand...

well im very lucky to have her! She's going through a really rough time rn and im trying my best to support her but its hard since I dont know how. But I hope to learn
 
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