Hi all, my name is Sam and I'm 27 and from the UK. I'm in the process of getting a formal diagnosis after being completely confused about myself for so long.
I have been having a really crappy time since October. I had some issues with my boyfriend getting close to another girl, who it turned out was just a friend who is married and he says is like a big sister to him, but he hid their relationship from me for months because he knew i would get upset and act unreasonably if he told me about them being friends at all.
Then i have had troubles at home. I am still living at home because of financial problems, having daily arguments with my parents about living under their roof.
Then there is my job. I recently got promoted to a supervisor in a large, extremely busy, well-know clothing store. I didn't particularly want the job, but at the same time didn't want any one else to get it as the person who was previously supervisor had been sick to almost a year and a half and i had been covering their job that whole time, so i felt i deserved it. The past few months have been extremely stressful because of Christmas and one of our managers being off on long term sick.
Then just before Christmas my boyfriend got hit by a car whilst he was riding his bike home at night. He lives in a long way away from me and i couldn't seen him for two days after the accident. I was extremely angry at myself for not being there for him. Instead of being supportive when he rang me to tell me about the accident i got angry at him and asked him if that girl he was keeping a secret from me was there and if he had called her before me.
All the crap just seems to stem front that first argument we had in October. i cant let the fact that he hid her from me go. Every time things seem to get better between us i bring her up and cause another argument. and she has actually been really nice, adding my on Facebook and chatting to me and checking how i am. I am really jealous and possessive at the moment and can see i am stifling him. We have been together nearly 8 years and in that time he has really been my only friend. I have lots of people who i talk to and enjoy the company of at work and speak to on the internet everyday outside of work. But i never go anywhere or do anything with them. If i am not with my boyfriend i am sat at home alone. I have been like this as long as i remember. i don't want to be alone any more but i don't know how to do it. I am so scared of letting my boyfriend have freedom and friends as he is so important to me and i am scared if i give him some freedom he will find something better and leave me.
Because of all this i have lost a lot of weight and havent been able to sleep properly for over a month.
So i went to see my GP on Monday, scored almost a 100% on the depression test, 100% on the anxiety test and 45 out of 50 on the aspergers test. he rang me on Monday afternoon to say that he had referred my to a psychiatrist to be assessed. Its the first time i have felt brave enough to go to the doctor and tell someone about this. I am on fluoxetine now and have been signed off work for 2 weeks. I seem to have been going through this cycle every two years or so for the past 10 years: i hide how i am feeling until i reach rock bottom, almost break and get on antidepressants and have two weeks off work, feel a lot better and go back to work, take myself of the tablets after a few months and brush it all under the carpet.
I feel majorly stressed out about stuff at the moment and all of my stims seem to be going like crazy one after another. I cant keep still and my mind is going over time. I was referred straight to a counsellor on Monday afternoon and he has put my on a course which seems to be doing me some good, i am going through all the excercises he told me to do. Cant stop the negativity at the moment and thats what is really getting to me. Reading about mindfulness and trying that but its really hard to think about the good stuff after so long.
Sorry for the massive rant, i look forward to hearing any advice from you all
Sam x
I have been having a really crappy time since October. I had some issues with my boyfriend getting close to another girl, who it turned out was just a friend who is married and he says is like a big sister to him, but he hid their relationship from me for months because he knew i would get upset and act unreasonably if he told me about them being friends at all.
Then i have had troubles at home. I am still living at home because of financial problems, having daily arguments with my parents about living under their roof.
Then there is my job. I recently got promoted to a supervisor in a large, extremely busy, well-know clothing store. I didn't particularly want the job, but at the same time didn't want any one else to get it as the person who was previously supervisor had been sick to almost a year and a half and i had been covering their job that whole time, so i felt i deserved it. The past few months have been extremely stressful because of Christmas and one of our managers being off on long term sick.
Then just before Christmas my boyfriend got hit by a car whilst he was riding his bike home at night. He lives in a long way away from me and i couldn't seen him for two days after the accident. I was extremely angry at myself for not being there for him. Instead of being supportive when he rang me to tell me about the accident i got angry at him and asked him if that girl he was keeping a secret from me was there and if he had called her before me.
All the crap just seems to stem front that first argument we had in October. i cant let the fact that he hid her from me go. Every time things seem to get better between us i bring her up and cause another argument. and she has actually been really nice, adding my on Facebook and chatting to me and checking how i am. I am really jealous and possessive at the moment and can see i am stifling him. We have been together nearly 8 years and in that time he has really been my only friend. I have lots of people who i talk to and enjoy the company of at work and speak to on the internet everyday outside of work. But i never go anywhere or do anything with them. If i am not with my boyfriend i am sat at home alone. I have been like this as long as i remember. i don't want to be alone any more but i don't know how to do it. I am so scared of letting my boyfriend have freedom and friends as he is so important to me and i am scared if i give him some freedom he will find something better and leave me.
Because of all this i have lost a lot of weight and havent been able to sleep properly for over a month.
So i went to see my GP on Monday, scored almost a 100% on the depression test, 100% on the anxiety test and 45 out of 50 on the aspergers test. he rang me on Monday afternoon to say that he had referred my to a psychiatrist to be assessed. Its the first time i have felt brave enough to go to the doctor and tell someone about this. I am on fluoxetine now and have been signed off work for 2 weeks. I seem to have been going through this cycle every two years or so for the past 10 years: i hide how i am feeling until i reach rock bottom, almost break and get on antidepressants and have two weeks off work, feel a lot better and go back to work, take myself of the tablets after a few months and brush it all under the carpet.
I feel majorly stressed out about stuff at the moment and all of my stims seem to be going like crazy one after another. I cant keep still and my mind is going over time. I was referred straight to a counsellor on Monday afternoon and he has put my on a course which seems to be doing me some good, i am going through all the excercises he told me to do. Cant stop the negativity at the moment and thats what is really getting to me. Reading about mindfulness and trying that but its really hard to think about the good stuff after so long.
Sorry for the massive rant, i look forward to hearing any advice from you all
Sam x
