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I believe it was caused by an amalgamation of things, put I guess the one which did send me over the edge was when I bailed my former friend (lost contact) out of an abusive relationship. That confrontation in particular along with having to juggle other ‘friends’ and potential relationship opportunities caused me to implode, and as a result of that I got ostracised for it (I suppose they thought I was weak or something, not knowing I was autistic (I never told them)), further exacerbating the issue further. These days I’m a complete recluse, no friends, no partner, nothing. I of course wish I still had them but I just can’t do it anymore, my brain is fried and the headaches are constant man, I hate this condition.
I feel your pain on that. I hate how this world rewards the wicked and punishes the cruel, that’s how it feels anyway. I’m still young of course but I guess I have to accept being alone for the time being, like you said we pay a high price for making close relations, just end up being used or betrayed (at least in my experience). I’m just so passed it all trying to juggle social hierarchies and that sort of thing, I just want to be me but it seems though I’ll never be accepted for who I am, at least in this world (as it goes for most of us here).
