Hi... currently trying not to throw up with anxiety.

[Carpe_Librum]

Hi all
Ok firstly if this doesn't post to the right area of the forum I apologise. Site I haven't used and I haven't been into a forum of any kind since I adopted my dog six years ago and joined everything going obsessively before getting annoyed with rudeness or what I felt was rudeness on said forum and never going on there again. That was a pretty exhausting time but unfortunately it put me off reaching out online. I felt self conscious and embarrassed but what I hope is that despite me starting this thread like this, there are people nodding and getting that I am going very very fast today.

Ok. So - I am awaiting referral to see if I am an Aspie. I'm 41. I have adapted my behaviour since I was a child. Then I had a child of my own, my second child who was diagnosed at 7 as on the spectrum, who is now 14. I think this has demonstrated to me a lot of things I myself do and indeed struggle with - made things hard to ignore. So I'm looking for answers. I am someone who while craving their own space is incredibly lonely and feels misunderstood.

People think I am very social. Ha. In some ways. If you take away the rising panic. The awkward statements and the looks I get. I'm funny - although I definitely don't always mean to be, but often absolutely cross the line. I am so very principled, and then you discover that most people aren't so principled. They don't do logical things. I also bore them rigid - but it's taken me until the last year to start to notice when someone is bored and I should stop talking. Even then I can't always stop.

I'll stop now. Hi. Hey. Hello. Etc.

 

[Mr Allen]

I have a job interview on Tuesday, for a shift based job working for Royal Mail, by rights I should be anxious as heck, because it's the first non Agency interview I've had since about 15 months ago for my first paid job, but I'm calm about it.

 

[tree]

 

[Pats]

Everything makes me nervous - I'm shaking when I have to go get my drivers license or car registration renewed. Everything intimidates me.
I think you'll like it here. Everyone is super friendly and understanding and I don't think anyone on here is ever rude and obnoxious or anything like that (if ever, I don't think it would be intentional). I think on line makes it easier for everyone to be themselves and not feel judged or watched. So sit back and get comfortable and enjoy your stay.
And welcome and all that stuff.

 

[Carpe_Librum]

I would be much calmer about that than about something like introducing myself on here - because there are less things to quantify. I can't see any of you. I can't touch, feel or sense anything about this except my phone screen.

Everything makes me nervous - I'm shaking when I have to go get my drivers license or car registration renewed. Everything intimidates me.
I think you'll like it here. Everyone is super friendly and understanding and I don't think anyone on here is ever rude and obnoxious or anything like that (if ever, I don't think it would be intentional). I think on line makes it easier for everyone to be themselves and not feel judged or watched. So sit back and get comfortable and enjoy your stay.
And welcome and all that stuff.

Thank you so much. Yes I feel confident I would recognise what I feel is honesty and the blunt way my son (and definitely myself ha) can say things at times. Other people are at times a different sort of rude because it intends to hurt maybe. Yes. That's the difference . I feel safer here already. Thank you so much.

 

[Mia]

Hi Carpe Librum, Welcome. ⤜(ʘ_ʘ)⤏

 

[Nitro]

Hi Carpe_Librum

 

[Autistamatic]

Hi @Carpe_Librum welcome to the forum.
As has been mentioned above, you're amongst friends who have been through similar experiences to you so there's no need to be anxious here. On the odd occasion someone speaks out of line the mods are very quick to quash it, but this is by far the friendliest ASD forum I've found. There's plenty of other Brits on here too if you need help with something in the UK system. I'm a few years older than you and living in the South West myself

 

[Mattymatt]

Welcome, @Carpe_Librum! This is a safe space for people with Autism and people in general. We seem to all be here for each other.

 

[Carpe_Librum]

Hi @Carpe_Librum welcome to the forum.
As has been mentioned above, you're amongst friends who have been through similar experiences to you so there's no need to be anxious here. On the odd occasion someone speaks out of line the mods are very quick to quash it, but this is by far the friendliest ASD forum I've found. There's plenty of other Brits on here too if you need help with something in the UK system. I'm a few years older than you and living in the South West myself

Thank you. Still a bit nervous but it's the feeling of a large space even in digital form. Everyone has been very friendly so far - I hope my son uses something similar when he is older to connect with people who understand. If he gets off the Xbox long enough that is

 

[Carpe_Librum]

Welcome, @Carpe_Librum! This is a safe space for people with Autism and people in general. We seem to all be here for each other.

Thank you very much!

 

[clg114]

Welcome to AutismForums!

 

[offkey]

You're definitely not the only one. What you're saying about being regarded as a social person is something that happens to me too, but it tends to make me kind of paranoid as it's not the way I think of myself.

 

[Carpe_Librum]

You're definitely not the only one. What you're saying about being regarded as a social person is something that happens to me too, but it tends to make me kind of paranoid as it's not the way I think of myself.

No. I have tended to tell myself I am many things over the years - and found numerous excuses for my melt downs or my bad days/moments. I feel that I did know all along why my real me is the way it is. I do like who I am - but I don't necessarily accept it. I hope that by seeking answers and confirmation that I can begin to. It explains so much. From big things to very small differences from childhood right to now. I spoke to my sister this morning about the fact I am seeking diagnosis and she just kept nodding knowingly. Well thanks for pointing it out to me there, sibling. Honestly. Tut.

Socially though, I talk a good talk. A talk a LOT. But inside after awhile I am so anxious and desperate to almost split into two people so I can leave one doing the "supposed to do" social stuff that I think I should and have trained myself into, and one can go home and talk to myself.