Hi Everybody, I’m Here To Learn

[Xander]

My name is Xander and I’m a NT Male, who has recently found myself attracted to an Aspie Female. I mainly joined this forum so that I can at least begin to understand how the mind of an Aspie works.

I met a girl who works as a cashier for the gas station I go to at least 2-3 times a day while in between landscaping jobs, and she immediately caught my attention. I’m kind of shy myself, so it took me a few weeks to work up to where I wanted to ask for her number.

I eventually decided to give her my number with a note saying she could text me if she wanted to get some food/coffee in order to not pressure her to answer at work, and give her time to make her decision. It was after this that my friend who also works there told me that she was single, but that she was on the spectrum. Learning this hasn’t changed anything about my interest in her, it has just helped create a desire to learn more because I’m completely clueless for the most part when it comes to what goes through an Aspie’s mind.

She hasn’t texted me yet, but in the case she does, I really want to make an effort to learn anything that could help me to get to know her, without stepping into any areas that would be too far. I apologize if any of my terminology isn’t correct (it’s from a few basic Google searches before I found this forum) but I am willing to learn anything and everything so I can understand, at least a little bit more of what’s going on in her head.

 

[Mia]

Hi Xander, welcome to the forums. If you have any questions feel free to ask them. I wish you luck with your potential friend.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

so I can understand, at least a little bit more of what’s going on in her head.

You can find out from her real head if you ask her out.

The danger is,by finding out too much in advance, you will analyse and compartmentalise her.

Putting a barrier between you before you even start.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[Tom]

No two of us are exactly alike the same as with Neurotypical people. Most of us do not exhibit all the symptoms on the list for autism. So it is hard to predict what anyone is thinking or will be like in advance. The best I can suggest is think of them the same way you would any one else. We are in a way mostly neurotypical with autistic aspects.

I doubt most girls would respond to a fishing trawler approach like that, even if well attended. Try and establish a rapport first and see over time if she seems to reciprocate your interest.

 

[Xander]

Thank you everyone for the welcomes and replies/advice so far! After reading them and taking some time to think about the situation, I’ve realized a few things. I agree that I’m thinking too much into it because of my own anxiety. I also think that by assuming I needed to “prepare” myself I was going in with a less open and ideal mindstate, which as Fridgemagnetman said would create a barrier going in. I realized my problem was hearing that she was on the spectrum and immediately jumping to the conclusion that I needed to treat her differently, and I dislike that’s where my mind jumped to but I’m glad I recognized that to move forward in a better way. I’m going to just talk to her and attempt get to know her more when I see her like I would anybody else, and accept that I might embarrass myself or say the wrong things (kinda like I think I already did by just slipping her my number instead of just asking for hers).

 

[Pats]

Hi Xander. I think it's great that you came here and realized she is still her own person and unique. You may find her more appealing than the average neurotypical female.

 

[tree]