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Hi everybody, just got here, so not sure how this works

Steve190161

Steve190161

Member
Hi,
Just joined today, so not sure how this works, was never good, only confused in how to interact in situations like this,(social media sites just confuse me) but i think i need to make some kind of effort to try and come to terms with my undiagnosed Aspergers. My siter called me one day, said she had been doing some research regarding her boys, they are both Autistic, she was concerned i could have Aspergers.
At first i was in denial about what was happening in my life, and why everything was kinda screwed up. But i started digging on the internet, did "The Test" and got a score of 42, the more i found out, the more i am certain about what is actually going on around me, looks like i am blissfully unaware that most of the time i sail through life behaving like a proper ass an have absolutely no clue that i'm doing anything wrong. That in itself was quite a crushing revalation, but does explain everything to a certain degree. So i'm hoping that maybe by joining this site that i can come to understand exactly what is happening and maybe try to repair some of the damege that i have done along the way.
Steve
 
Steve190161 said:
Hi,
Just joined today, so not sure how this works, was never good, only confused in how to interact in situations like this,(social media sites just confuse me) but i think i need to make some kind of effort to try and come to terms with my undiagnosed Aspergers. My siter called me one day, said she had been doing some research regarding her boys, they are both Autistic, she was concerned i could have Aspergers.
At first i was in denial about what was happening in my life, and why everything was kinda screwed up. But i started digging on the internet, did "The Test" and got a score of 42, the more i found out, the more i am certain about what is actually going on around me, looks like i am blissfully unaware that most of the time i sail through life behaving like a proper ass an have absolutely no clue that i'm doing anything wrong. That in itself was quite a crushing revalation, but does explain everything to a certain degree. So i'm hoping that maybe by joining this site that i can come to understand exactly what is happening and maybe try to repair some of the damege that i have done along the way.
Steve
Click to expand...
Hi Steve - Ive just joined a few minutes ago as well! You are describing a similar situation to my own - although I have just been diagnosed ( after 2 years waiting) - but before then I have been clueless as to what was going on even though everyone around me had an idea!! - I knew something was different from when I was a child but its taken about 50 years to find out that I am not alone and many of my difficulties are very common on the spectrum. Anyways - hope you find what you are looking for - learning about AS has helped me a lot - a work in progress - I am still a mess in many ways. I have been looking on the forums here and I can see people describing similar situations to my own which in itself has been good for me. This is the first time I have contacted anyone else on the spectrum so I hope it will help me (an maybe others!)
 
Hi MattH,
Thanks for the support, in a way its kinda reasuring to know that there might actually be a really good reason for the way i act, i am certainly not trying to make any excuses, but maybe if people are aware what is going on then they can compensate for my rather eratic behaviour. Political correctness is not my strong point.
 
Steve190161 said:
Hi MattH,
Thanks for the support, in a way its kinda reasuring to know that there might actually be a really good reason for the way i act, i am certainly not trying to make any excuses, but maybe if people are aware what is going on then they can compensate for my rather eratic behaviour. Political correctness is not my strong point.
Click to expand...
Diagnosis helped in some ways - I thought I was crazy before - my partner compensated for a while but she has really had enough of my aspergers ways - Like you I have done damage that I have tried to repair with limited success. I have said and done things that I regret and also not said and not done things that would have made things better!
 
I'm in a way a calmer person since i worked things out, but all this comes with a double edged sword, my alcohol consumption has rocketed and i am a little bit concerned about the health implications, but i can't seem to help myself, i realize i am probably making mistakes, get completely stressed, and start drinking to compensate.
 
Steve190161 said:
I'm in a way a calmer person since i worked things out, but all this comes with a double edged sword, my alcohol consumption has rocketed and i am a little bit concerned about the health implications, but i can't seem to help myself, i realize i am probably making mistakes, get completely stressed, and start drinking to compensate.
Click to expand...
I know what you are saying about the drink - I started drinking as a teenager to help in social situations and also to escape. I self medicated for many years but I stopped drinking about 5 years ago - it was only then that I looked at my behavior and started to acknowledge that I may have aspergers - I have been so down my doc got me on anti depressants so in some ways I have swapped one drug for another. Drink made me feel good or allowed me to escape but compounded my problems - I cant honestly say anti depressants make me feel good but I am not suicidal which is an improvement.
 
I'm also on antidepressants and have toyed with idea of killing myself a few times, so all the signs point in the right direction.
 
Hi Steve. I hope you find this site helpfull.

I should also mention that most antidepressants do not mix well with alcohol, so be careful. I can't speak from experience, as I don't drink, but I have talked to other people who have mixed their meds with large quantities of alcohol and they described the experience as nothing short of hellish. The combination can also signifcantly lower a person's seasure threshold.
 
Hi Datura,
Thanks for the advice, i really do appreciate your concerns, i am aware about the dangers associated with mixing antidepressants and alcohol, unfortunately at this time i am finding it difficult to cope without the both of these as my anxiety levels are off the scale right now. I just recently worked out i have Aspergers, and now find myself questioning everything i do just in case i make any more mistakes, hence the high level of anxiety. My GP is trying to get me an appointment so that i can be given a formal and professional diagnosis, but apparently that can take time, so i will just try and keep motivated. Thanks again, please feel free to talk anytime you want.
Steve
 
I also find myself evaluating my actions and feelings through a sort of "aspie filter." While some self awareness is helpfull I personally find it wearing and wonder if it is having an adverse effect on my feelings and behaviours. Just to clarify; I do not have a diagnosis. In my process of self descovery I will think things like "Wow, this concert is really loud. I need to plug my ears. But nobody else is plugging their ears. This must be an aspie thing.", or, "I really enjoyed that dinner with a group of perfect strangers. That's not very aspie of me. Perhaps I'm wrong about everything." It gets a bit rediculous sometimes.
 
Hi There Datura,
I use earplugs all the time i always sleep with them in because i get easily bothered by any odd noise when i'm trying to sleep
 
Steve190161 said:
Hi There Datura,
I use earplugs all the time i always sleep with them in because i get easily bothered by any odd noise when i'm trying to sleep
Click to expand...
I've used ear plugs while trying to sleep also. Especially when my wife's family is over. I work rotating shifts and they don't seem to care if I sleep or not. Also in the break room when everyone is in there talking at once. It certainly does help.
 
People really don't understand how the slightest noise when you are trying to sleep can really screw things up, i also prefer the room to be totally pitch black i don't like any light or noise. i have to be totally isolated.
 
Welcome aboard :)
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Hi, Steve, it's good to meet you. :)

I had a major problem with alcohol but i eventually worked out it was making everything worse. Took me 15 odd years to figure it out, unfortunately. If you can, try to wind back... I mean it with the best intentions. :) And I have a good reason: you're now on the cusp of finally understanding yourself and making sense of all the painful things that have happened in your life. It's an exciting, albeit sometimes scary, time! :) Embrace it and explore! Alcohol just muddies the mind and interferes with your emotions.

From personal experience, I had many, many more suicidal thoughts and extreme behaviours when I was a drinker. Even if I hadn't been drinking on any given day, my daily life was much less stable. I still suffer depression sometimes but the wild mood swings aren't there any more.

It sounds like you've got a pretty cluey sister.:D She could be a good ally on this journey. :)
 
Welcome to the site, a wonderful place for insights & shared experience of our AS - ASD world :)
 
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