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Hi everyone. A little about myself

KJM6010

New Member
I am a 43 year old male. Highschool dropout. Behavior problems all throughout my teen years. Got my GED. A handful for my parents. Now I’m on the complete other end of the spectrum. I lucked into a good job making good money. No issues.

I had a lot of trouble making friends when I was younger. Had a girlfriend in 8th grade, and another girlfriend in my early 20s. That relationship lasted for 2 years. No girlfriends since. I have a couple friends, that are married so there really isn’t an opportunity there to go out and meet people and have someone with me to make me feel more comfortable. My whole life is like a secret to everyone but my parents. People I work with have no idea what a loser I am.

I’ve been set up on a few blind dates in the last few years, and I have no trouble carrying on a conversation on those dates. But I have zero ability to meet someone on my own. I cannot talk to strangers if my life depended on it. No chance. People I know I have no problem talking to.

So I recently moved back home because I live in a very expensive state, and I’m trying to save money to buy a place. I only recently within the last 5 years got my good job. Prior to that I was working lower paying jobs. I’m very close to my parents and they are getting older and it’s making me nervous thinking about how I get thru life when they’re gone. I literally would have no one to talk to.

I’m so sorry this is so long. I feel like a weirdo. Not to toot my own horn but I’m not a bad looking guy. Dress nice. There’s nothing wrong with me other then the fact that I can’t talk to strangers and have zero ability to make friends or meet a female. So in the last year or two I’ve been thinking that I must have Asperger’s. What does everyone think? Again sorry so long
 
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Hi KJM6010 . I have been here nearly a week and its been interesting and fun. Re. Aspergers Have u tried some online tests they can be a help to see if you fit the profile. Tho there's lots of variation. Some of what you are saying could sound like high autistic traits or Aspergers. Hope you find some useful information and ideas here people here are helpful funny and informative.
 
No need to feel like a werido, there are many similar to you. I'm NT myself (non Aspie and not on the spectum) but I am an introvert. It seems there is a big group of people from the spectrum who are introverts, but some are extroverts or in the middle. You could be on the spectrum, like others said you have to test for it or you could just be NT but a big introvert or something else going on with ya.

My bf who is on the spectum, he has asperger's, he is in the middle. He has no problems conversating with strangers and making small talk, making friends online,etc but he rarely is able to keep/want to make big deeper connections with most people. Even when we first started talking online, he didn't have a problem talking to me cause he was interested in my skill sets and looked up to them, so we just mainly talked about that for the most part till after a while we slowly started developing feelings for each other.

After awhile, I noticed in our conversations he would be saying very werid things as in you could tell he wasn't understanding alot of what I was saying, or he kept reading too far into things when there wasn't anything there. I pointed this out to him and he eventually admitted he was told he had Asperger's as a kid, but thinks he's "grown" out of it, and that's the reason why most people he talks to doesn't catch it, or atleast in his eyes. I'm very big into psychology and so it was quite easy for me to pick up something was "different' about him. And now that I know he's on the spectrum, I've done my part to research and read up what I can on Asperger's and how it takes it's part differently in each person with their personality.

I know a lot of people on the spectrum find it extremely difficult to date or find a good relationship for many reasons, but mainly cause they just don't understand how "dating" goes about, or they do know but they don't really care for the process of it. Dating, atleast when it comes to NT brains, it often consist of a "dance" of mind games, social cues, expressing things at the right moment in the right way, and trying to figure out how to appoarch the one you're trying to date. You're saying you're trying to look for a female. For most NT's females, they can be very complex in understanding (I would know cause I've dated both males and females. I am female body myself but my brain is more wired like a 'males', so it's easy for me to see things from both sides of the fences when it comes to both males and females.)

Anyways, depending on the female it can be a very complex dance with them. It all depends on the personality and type of female you're going for. If you're looking for a strong, alpha female, most likely she is looking for a guy she can push around and pull the strings with, aka a beta male. They have a thing about wanting to be the one in control of things or they don't feel right/happy in the relationship. If you're looking for a more wall flower type, then they tend to be harder to get to open up with cause they tend to be shy. If you get with a girl that's been hurt before, she will have her walls up and hard to get close to her. If you go for this type, it will be a longgggg journey and time to work your way through her walls.) If you get with an asexual type of female, she's more interested in seeing you as someone to enjoy activities with and hanging out and not so much interested in physcial sexual needs, while other women are complete opposite. Then you have some females, like me, who brains are more like 'males', and they are typically easier to relate to male mindsets.

If you are on the spectrum, you could try and date someone else who is also on the spectrum, but I've read there are pros and cons to that as well.

So...it just all depends on what type of women you're trying to go for or what you want in your life. From there, I could try and give you a bit more insight on how they are, if you're looking for help with that.

Otherwise, I would say look into ways into not being so much of an introvert and breaking more out of your shell.
 
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Thanks for the replies everyone. It’s such a lonely feeling. At least I might have found a place where I fit in. Good to be here

Yes, welcome to the forums and try not to feel to alone. I'm sure most of us are up for giving advice the best we can if you need anymore help.
 
Welcome. I hope you can find some help, friendship, and comfort here.

You don't need to apologize for being you. You aren't a weirdo, you aren't a loser . You are just you. You don't need to compare yourself to anybody else.
 
I was wondering if someone knowledgeable on Aspergers could answer this. Would it be possible for someone with Aspergers, to have no issue conversating with people they know, while having no ability to conversate with strangers? Like I said in my original post I can talk to people I know, the conversations might not always be smooth and they might be the same subjects every time. Very general, weather etc etc, but I can’t talk to strangers. My hands get sweaty.

I definitely in my mind have some type of social disorder, but other than not being able to meet people and talk to strangers, there’s nothing wrong with me as far as I know.
 

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