Hi everyone! Can anyone relate?

[Ceylon]

Hello everybody!
You can call me Ceylon and uh, I am neither diagnosed nor have any certainty about (I don't really know how to say this) what kind of person in the world of labels I am, but I have a hunch I may not be neurotypical. I really very not sure because I am now 20 years old and after years of intense studying (as an alien would) the human species, I've come to a point where I'm considered (I hate this term and hope I don't offend anyone, really) "normal", or at least I think (so I cannot really trace any specific form of behaviour as I've seen it could be masking, although I have no idea if I'm the case).

I've recently noticed a pattern in my behaviour and I was wondering if it could be traced back to
a non-neurotypical kind of behaviour:
I am currently doing a very technical project and it requires precision, and that's fine by me (I've noticed I am extremely chaotic but also want to be very precise), but once I have a problem that's a two-way street, I stop functioning and can't proceed anymore.

I cannot just "do the next one", I'm blocked because one is after the other and they're kind of related and I get stressed and cannot find THE solution. Because I know that if I do one of two things and that's wrong, I'll have to do it all again (even tho I don't REALLY have to do it all again).

And now I'm completely blocked on my couch avoiding to look at my project again because I know what I should do is option A, but I really want to do option B (which is redoing half of everything again, because the slight imprecision I've noticed is bugging me really, very, extremely strongly).

So uhm, can anyone relate?
Thank you.

 

[tree]

 

[Knower of nothing]

Sounds like an OCD-related block? What's stopping you from committing to option B?

 

[Aspychata]

So are you saying you have a mind block? Does this happen a lot to you? How have you dealt with this in the past? Why do you think you freeze up? Oh dear, only answer if you wish to.

Sometimes thinking thru and writing your thoughts down helps you get a new understanding and can provide relief. Welcome.

 

[Ceylon]

Sounds like an OCD-related block? What's stopping you from committing to option B?

The fact that I know it's not what I should do based on what my lab partner tells me. It would make me a lot more comfortable if I could just talk to my professor, but I... Can't until I have to finish it. And if he told me "you can do both" I'd still feel blocked. I don't really have lots of OCD-related blocks (except color-wise and stuff like.that but I can always put them aside)

 

[Ceylon]

So are you saying you have a mind block? Does this happen a lot to you? How have you dealt with this in the past? Why do you think you freeze up? Oh dear, only answer if you wish to.

Sometimes thinking thru and writing your thoughts down helps you get a new understanding and can provide relief. Welcome.

I don't really know how to explain it. Related to this project, it has happened to me a lot (which has lead me to not continuing). And I feel like in the past, if things didn't go exactly as I wanted them to or had planned, I shut down and stopped because I couldn't find a solution that fit me (either I should've done a thing but didn't want to, either I wanted to do the other thing but felt like I wasn't able to, or trapped, because I knew trying that way would probably end badly, but still wanted to do that). It's like when I come across a choice that's not just solving a problem, but that has consequences that are not likable in one or the other way, I just freeze. I can't find THE logical solution that solves everything, and I'm like: I'm gaining in this, but losing in this. So I freeze. It's some sort of mathematical internal emotional mess that I don't know how to solve. It used to happen with (for example) mathematics as well. I loved it but if no-one could explain the why's and how's of a procedure, i couldn't study. I just physically couldn't unless I had ONE answer or a hunch.
I can never proceed if I haven't "solved" the step before. It doesn't make sense.

Thank you so much for your kindness and time

 

[Nitro]

 

[Knower of nothing]

The fact that I know it's not what I should do based on what my lab partner tells me. It would make me a lot more comfortable if I could just talk to my professor, but I... Can't until I have to finish it. And if he told me "you can do both" I'd still feel blocked. I don't really have lots of OCD-related blocks (except color-wise and stuff like.that but I can always put them aside)

With my limited knowledge, I don't see why it's not something you should do. It's not the end of the world, it's just a project. A good attitude to restarting is a lot healthier than the over-committed approach. Your partner may only see the raw cost-benefit between effort and result here, this means it only applies to their approach in the situation.

 

[Ceylon]

With my limited knowledge, I don't see why it's not something you should do. It's not the end of the world, it's just a project. A good attitude to restarting is a lot healthier than the over-committed approach. Your partner may only see the raw cost-benefit between effort and result here, this means it only applies to their approach in the situation.

Yes, but they are not my "barrier". My barrier is knowing that neither one is a secure win-win (fortunately I found a thing that reassures me and gives me more pros than cons with proceeding a certain way, but it still does happen to me). Also it's 50% of my final grade (year-wise), but I'm not too worried about that.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Hello everybody!
You can call me Ceylon and uh, I am neither diagnosed nor have any certainty about (I don't really know how to say this) what kind of person in the world of labels I am, but I have a hunch I may not be neurotypical. I really very not sure because I am now 20 years old and after years of intense studying (as an alien would) the human species, I've come to a point where I'm considered (I hate this term and hope I don't offend anyone, really) "normal", or at least I think (so I cannot really trace any specific form of behaviour as I've seen it could be masking, although I have no idea if I'm the case).

I've recently noticed a pattern in my behaviour and I was wondering if it could be traced back to
a non-neurotypical kind of behaviour:
I am currently doing a very technical project and it requires precision, and that's fine by me (I've noticed I am extremely chaotic but also want to be very precise), but once I have a problem that's a two-way street, I stop functioning and can't proceed anymore.

I cannot just "do the next one", I'm blocked because one is after the other and they're kind of related and I get stressed and cannot find THE solution. Because I know that if I do one of two things and that's wrong, I'll have to do it all again (even tho I don't REALLY have to do it all again).

And now I'm completely blocked on my couch avoiding to look at my project again because I know what I should do is option A, but I really want to do option B (which is redoing half of everything again, because the slight imprecision I've noticed is bugging me really, very, extremely strongly).

So uhm, can anyone relate?
Thank you.

I won't reply in detail, but yes, I can definitely relate, and I understand what you are talking about. Are you in chemistry or biology? I am currently doing my MS in biochemistry, and it can be very frustrating for me as I'm working on my project. When doing serious research, knowing how to work effectively and intuition are both valued skills as they can save a lot of time and money in the long run. While I did very well during my BS studies (it was a lot of reading, and lab stuff had clearly outlined methods and goals) I'm finding the current studies very frustrating, partly due to the reason you outline.

I prefer working from a checklist, both when gathering and analyzing data. However, depending on previous results, future experiments are often pointless or need to be modified. The same goes for data; There is no reason to spend time analyzing data you know won't give you useful information. However, I feel a strong innate need within me to "complete" experiments, even when I can see they aren't working out rather than packing in and saving on time and valuable solvents. Right now I'm doing data analysis, and I'm looking into and spending time on tabulating "all" the data, even when it comes from bad experiments or is partly repeated. Logically, I know it's a pointless waste of time, but I feel an innate "need" to finish it all, as leaving just some data out feels wrong to me.

I don't think I have any great advice for you, except that I understand the struggles. It does help me create good essays though, as I can get quite obsessive about smaller details, spelling, formatting and precise wording. I guess my one piece of advice is don't spend time you don't have (and especially not the time of other's). If you have the time and really want to, then sure, you can repeat the experiment (I know I have, to the frustrations of some), but prioritize other tasks so you won't land yourself in trouble.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! Sorry I don't have any suggestions.

 

[Ceylon]

I won't reply in detail, but yes, I can definitely relate, and I understand what you are talking about. Are you in chemistry or biology? I am currently doing my MS in biochemistry, and it can be very frustrating for me as I'm working on my project. When doing serious research, knowing how to work effectively and intuition are both valued skills as they can save a lot of time and money in the long run. While I did very well during my BS studies (it was a lot of reading, and lab stuff had clearly outlined methods and goals) I'm finding the current studies very frustrating, partly due to the reason you outline.

I prefer working from a checklist, both when gathering and analyzing data. However, depending on previous results, future experiments are often pointless or need to be modified. The same goes for data; There is no reason to spend time analyzing data you know won't give you useful information. However, I feel a strong innate need within me to "complete" experiments, even when I can see they aren't working out rather than packing in and saving on time and valuable solvents. Right now I'm doing data analysis, and I'm looking into and spending time on tabulating "all" the data, even when it comes from bad experiments or is partly repeated. Logically, I know it's a pointless waste of time, but I feel an innate "need" to finish it all, as leaving just some data out feels wrong to me.

I don't think I have any great advice for you, except that I understand the struggles. It does help me create good essays though, as I can get quite obsessive about smaller details, spelling, formatting and precise wording. I guess my one piece of advice is don't spend time you don't have (and especially not the time of other's). If you have the time and really want to, then sure, you can repeat the experiment (I know I have, to the frustrations of some), but prioritize other tasks so you won't land yourself in trouble.

Thank you so much! That was so useful; I feel much less alone now because I really understand the mechanism and how frustrating it is. I am getting a degree in architecture and with studying, I'm slowly discovering mechanisms that are hard for me to break away from (previously I was uhm.. clinically depressed so that interfered with my being precise, as I just let things to the case out of absence of willfulness).
Your comment made me feel... lighter.
Thank you again.